June 30th, 1894 - Bixby Home

Sloane had spent the better part of the afternoon in the Hatchitt’s parlor, quietly reading her book. Things felt lighter over there, not so suffocating. It felt a little more like home than her own house did right now. She wasn’t proud of this fact, and she knew it was hard on her mum, but at least she wasn’t far away, and Mrs. Hatchitt always knew she was there, kept bringing her tea and snacks. It was just easier and Sloane needed something easy these days. Everything else was so difficult, so overwhelming, and she hadn’t figured out how to make it all mesh back together again.

Quietly she slipped into the back door through the garden, thankful they had a gate between the houses and she didn’t have to go too far. She knew hiding away wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, but she didn’t know what else to do. Going back to the zoo and her apprenticeship had been on her mind for a little while now, and she thought she needed to talk it through with someone, but thought Lester might be the best choice. She’d have to try and catch him after a shift as soon as she could.

She crossed into their sitting room, finding Alvin looking over some paperwork, brows furrowed and frowning. Unsure as to how best to proceed, she went to go upstairs, but his voice cut through her, stopping her in her tracks.

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”Where have you been?” Alvin didn’t even look up, had only seen her out of the corner of his eye and he already knew the answer to the question, but it begged to be answered anyway. She needed to stop hiding away half the day next door. Nothing was going to be solved by avoiding the situation at hand.

He took a minute and took a deep breath. ”It worries Ma.” He explained, tone softening just a little. She hadn’t said as much, but he knew his mother was worried; she wouldn’t have retired from the ministry if it didn’t. Between Sloane and Wally it was a miracle she hadn’t gone grey (she had said this to their father when she thought nobody had been up.)

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Sloane’s shoulders slumped. ”I know.” She did know. She wasn’t so indifferent to see how this was impacting everyone else. It was obvious she wasn’t the same person she was at this point last year and she couldn’t figure out how to make the two worlds blend into something that could work for everyone. She also just couldn’t pretend to be that person from last summer either. Too much had happened and that was part of who she was too. It was taking a long time, she knew, for her to relearn how to be herself, but it wouldn’t go back overnight, nor would she b able to revert completely. Maybe that was why she couldn’t quite let go of Mr. Ashford yet; he knew who she had been in the wake of the accident and he seemed to accept her anyway, just as she was. Sloane wished everybody else could do the same, but also knew it was hard.

”It’s easier to breathe over there.” She muttered, chancing a glance at her brother, only to see consternation in his eyebrows and in the line of his mouth.

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Running a frustrated hand through his hair, Alvin did his best to bite his tongue. He had a list of ugly comments on the cusp of coming out, but he swallowed them down. Maybe it was the guilt that still plagued him, maybe it was the stress and anxiety of starting his new position tomorrow, but Alvin really didn’t have the patience for her escapism. It wasn’t fair to everyone else.

”You can’t keep hiding, you need to give Ma a break.” The frustration leaked into his voice, but it needed to be said. Alvin just didn’t understand what she was thinking anymore. He used to know her so well and now this stranger in her place was so unfamiliar to him that he didn’t even know how to talk to her anymore.

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Pulling a face, Sloane bit her lip, entirely unsure what he wanted for her. Alvin had always been the steadiest of her siblings, but after his accident and then hers, he was not the same. Neither was she, but apparently that didn’t apply here.

”She knows where I am, Bea always tells her.” When she came through a door anyway; Sloane also suspected that Lester’s mom also knew when she climbed across the tree into his bedroom to really hide but nobody had ever said anything. ”It’s not like I’m leaving the neighborhood to go wander the streets Alvin. I just need a breather.”

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It took more of his willpower than he was willing to admit for him not to roll his eyes. ”You don’t have any idea what it was like in this house for the last year.” Suffocating, Alvin had felt like drowning himself, but he’d been here, had stayed, had made sure he was putting on a brave face. He hadn’t hid anywhere else, hadn’t run away to somewhere because it was easier.

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”That’s not fair and you know it!” Sloane spat back, her own frustration rising up over the guilt. ”I wasn’t just gone! I was another person! I was her and I’m still me, I just don’t know how to mix them!” Her voice crept up a little in desperation. Why couldn’t he just understand? Why couldn’t he just leave it alone? Leave her alone to figure it out? All she needed was some time! She’d hardly been back for a month now. It wasn’t like she could just flick her wrist, say a spell and everything would go back to normal. That wasn’t how this worked!

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Rufus Bixby

  

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For the past year the house had been eerily silent when Rufus entered it. Nothing like the home he had grown up in, bursting with noise and joy. Yet this afternoon he could hear raised voices as he let himself in the front door. He followed them to the parlor to see Alvin and their little sister tense and glaring at each other. Sloane's face was indigent, the same look was on Alvin's face, a shared look they had gained from their father.

"What's going on here?" Rufus asked sternly as if he had caught his children fighting over a toy broom or snitching cookies their mother had made from the kitchen.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

Alvin sighed heavily at the sound of Rufus' voice. This was the last thing he needed. He was probably outnumbered here and deep down he knew he was being little hypocritical, but somebody had to point it out to her that she couldn't just childishly sweep these problems under the Hatchitt's rug. She wasn't their responsibility, no matter how long their families had been friends.

"She keeps disappearing and it's counterproductive." Alvin said finally, not really wanting to explain his thought process to his older brother who had his own life and family to worry about. Alvin had been here, in this house, for everything, and it was a lot to carry.

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All she wanted to do was stick her tongue out at her brother and though she didn't, it would have been cathartic. She narrowed her eyes at him, overexaggerating was not one of his better qualities. "I was just next door and you and everybody knew that." Merlin what was so wrong with retreating to somewhere she felt comfortable? It wasn't easy being in a house that was like a museum to the person she had once been. That Sloane didn't exist anymore, even if she looked like the person staring at her brothers petulantly. Pictures of a tiny waving Sloane with equally tiny broom, didn't quite line up for her anymore. Of course she remembered it, even if the details got a little fuzzy every now and then, but it didn't bring the same joy as it once did.

Looking helplessly at Rufus now, she gestured like she didn't know what to do, both hands out before her in surrender. "I'm doing my best." Was all she had and she couldn't give anything else.

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Both of his siblings were quick to jump in, to defend their stance to him. The problem was he felt like he was missing something. Or rather if he didn't clarify it would blow up into a huge misunderstanding (his fights from Tuni had been eye opening on this front). He wished he could take Sloane's side with that plaintive look of her's directed at him. But Alvin wasn't one too get angry without cause.

"Counterproductive to what?" Rufus sighed looking at his younger brother, watching his face to see what was truly the problem.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

"Getting used to being home again." How could she reacclimate if she was never here? "It's wearing on Ma." Fiona hadn't said as much, but it had to be hard on her. She was distracted with Wally, but it had to be difficult to watch Sloane slink away next door day after day to escape the house.

"She's always next door with the Hatchitts." Not that it was unsafe or far away, but how could she ever get used to being in the house if she was never in the house! She had no idea what it had been like when she was gone, how empty the house felt, how quiet and now it was the same, except she was alive and well, just avoiding them.

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Sloane looked between the two of them, defeated. "I can't stand this." She waved between them. "That look and that attitude. It's hard and I am trying. But damnit I am not the same person I was and I need some time and some space to get my shit together." She stressed each word knowing it was dramatic, but she didn't know how to make them see that this was just as hard on her as it was on everyone else. Sloane hadn't lost her composure like this in a while, slipping back into her less ladylike habits from the quidditch pitch.

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Alvin had always known exactly what to say to pull at Rufus's strings. First Ma, but then what was good for Sloane. Rufus ran a hand over his face as he considered it.

And then Sloane's temper finally snapped and Rufus felt his own tugging into motion in response. It was one thing to need time and space, to have something to be hard. He could understand that. But you couldn't run away from what was hard. You had to face it, to keep trying.

"You do." His voice was a bit sharper than he intended as he tried to reassure her. "But it's not going to get easier unless you face it head on Sloane." Even he could realize how much he sounded like their father in this moment, his tone, his words, the sternness. But he was here and their father wasn't. Someone had to keep everything tied together after the hell they had been through.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

Sloane visibly flinched at her eldest brother's tone. She sighed heavily. They clearly didn't get it and though she hadn't expected Rufus to take her side, she had hoped he might temper Alvin's attitude. "It's like arguing with a brick wall, at least that hasn't changed." Only girl, youngest, Sloane had this argument or something like it for her entire life.

"I didn't just blink in and out of existence. I was living a different life!" What didn't they understand about that? She was not trying to be difficult, she just needed to wrap her head around everything. "It's only been a month, it is not an instant process. Merlin's beard. There's no manual for this! " She threw her hands up in frustration.

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"There isn't." Rufus shot back, "But if there was hiding away wouldn't be in it." He ran a hand through his agitatedly.

"Look, Sloane, we're trying too. I know this is hard. All I'm saying is that it will keep being hard unless you face it - head on." It was what he told his teammates, his kids, after injuries. He wasn't going to let his own baby sister give up, slink away, as if she had given up on being her or Sadie. As if all she were was a ghost wandering through their lives haunting them with the what ifs and had beens.

  

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BEE-utiful set!