Ben deepened the kiss, which would have been a pretty compelling statement if Ari had been having doubts. It was hard to have doubts now, though, was difficult to even be faintly worried about what they were doing when Ben's every movement was about as far as his attentions could extend. The warmth under his hand, the weight of Ben's body against him, the sound of his groan...  He didn't know how long they spent like that, each kiss no less exhilarating than the last, punctuated only by pausing to breathe.

Eventually, Ari pulled away a fraction further, forcing his thoughts away from their distance to the wall or to the couch or to the stairs or from the distracting number of buttons on Ben's shirt, and just rested his forehead against Ben's for a moment until he could catch his breath. He felt as though his heart was still beating out of his chest, the whirlwind in his head steadied only by the comfortable feeling of holding onto Ben, the I love you on his lips tongue-tying him to everything else that still had to be said.

"I know there are things I still need to explain -" Ari started, a little heavily, loath to let reality drift back in, but worried that if he pushed it away too absolutely this would never be anything but a dream - "and I will. I promise I will." I'll tell you everything.

"But..." Ari continued quietly, drawing back a little, lifting his gaze from Ben's mouth to his eyes, deep and green as a forest. Whatever this situation looked like; whatever might change tomorrow, in the coming months - he didn't want to be at the mercy of it, didn't want it to change everything for them, didn't want to have to let this go as soon as he had found it. Could they at least have tonight in peace? How could he say it: was it too soon, too much to say at once? "I can tell you what I want. Just you," Ari admitted, his fingers straightening Ben's shirt collar hesitantly. "It's always been you."

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He was a fool. The reality of the situation was sinking in, slightly muted by the feeling of euphoria that engulfed his mind. This included the true realization of how much of an ass he'd been to Ari, how much he'd tortured him all these years. Every apology imaginable flooded his mind as he bit his lip, letting Ari continue.

It's always been you.

Ben was consumed by an overwhelming feeling of regret and love. Regret that he'd ever made Ari wait this long; love that Ari had been so patient with him, never wavering as he had. He beamed at the man opposite him, tears filling his eyes. Reaching out, he pulled Ari close in a hug that had been long-since overdue. "You have no idea how happy that makes me," he murmured in his ear. He closed his eyes, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to keep the tears at bay. Ben tightened the hug. "I'm so sorry, Ari." he said softly, wanting to bury his face in Ari's shoulder. "I'm sorry I made you wait. I'm sorry I've been such an ass. I don't deserve you and I don't know what I've done to earn this."

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He was not sure how to read the expression on Ben's face. There was happiness in his smile, there had to be, the same buoyant feeling that had spread through Ari's limbs, leaving him light-headed and his every nerve ending electric. But there was a kind of sadness too, some grief eating away at Ben underneath it. Ari folded his arms around him in return, hoping that the warmth and the closeness might make that sadness flee.

Ari had not been expecting the apology. "Don't, Ben," he murmured, burying his fingers in the fabric of Ben's clothes as tightly as he dared. "I don't blame you," he said slowly, letting the words carry over Ben's shoulder, setting those apologies free. Ben had been entitled to his reaction, and Ari was not under the illusion the world would grant him everything he wanted precisely because he wanted it. He was not under the illusion the world would grant him anything - this, then, Ben's change of heart, or his gradual realisation, this was a great deal more than Ari could have hoped for. The world was more generous than it seemed. "I don't blame you for a moment."

He pulled back from the hug to ensure the sentiment sank in, cupping a hand to Ben's face and gazing firmly at him to extinguish any last doubt. He thought he didn't deserve this? That made two of them. "But if you want a way to make it up to me..." Ari trailed off, a mischievous twitch at the corner of his mouth. Kiss me again.

Best not look at the time. Best not think about tomorrow yet. But if the rest of his life was going to be a lie... well, he thought he could survive it, now that he had something that was true.

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The absolution provided by the object of his affections was a warm and soothing balm. Ben exhaled a sigh of relief; before this, though he was sure with Ari being Ari that he would be pardoned, he wasn't sure how that reaction would make him feel. Would it truly make him happy and feel relieved? Or would it make him feel even more guilty?

The result that it made him feel as forgiven as he was made it all the more uplifting for Ben. He beamed at Ari, the only person in the world whose opinion he cared as highly for. His grin faltered at Ari's jest, a look of delightful shock replacing it. He gave a hearty laugh and returned the mischevious grin as he pulled him close. "Oh, I'll make it up to you," he said huskily. "I will do everything within my power to make it up to you until the day I die, Ari Fisk..."

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