October, 1892 — London

Alfred was going underway soon, and there was a frantic energy in everything he did recently as a result. There was so much to be done: readying the Voyager for sea and seeing her well-stocked, wintering the sailboats at the Sanditon, sending things out for routine repairs and writing ahead to port-calls he'd be making throughout the winter to ensure they prepared the re-supplies he would need at each location. He wouldn't have traded it for anything; the anticipation prior to setting sea was one of the best kinds of busy. It did mean that he hadn't been able to keep as close of an eye on Zelda as he might have otherwise, but that was probably for the best — he was a bit worried that since she'd quit her job at the Ministry he'd been hovering too much. He was worried about her, but was trying his best not to show it, because he thought if Zelda knew that he was worried that might make things worse.

He was in London today following up on supplies that were meant to have been delivered to the docks earlier that week, but had not been. Hopefully they were only delayed, not actually missing — he didn't relish the thought of setting sail understocked, and he knew his crew didn't either. He knew from experience that it was best to see to these sorts of things in person; a deckhand sent to ask questions might be rebuffed, where a captain would not. Alfred hadn't actually been to this particular vendor before, though, so he was having some trouble finding the storefront. He had just determined to stop and ask directions from one of the nearest vendors when he recognized the woman talking to that vendor — Jo.

"Oh," he said, because he had already started walking towards the stall and couldn't just turn around without making it obvious he was trying to avoid her. "Hi."

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Jupiter Smith

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Ilona's first birthday was fast approaching and with it more independence for Jo. Where she ordinarily planned her ventures into London around a strict schedule, she now had a certain degree of flexibility and if she were to be an hour or two later than intended it wasn't a major catastrophe. It was a freeing sensation after having been so closely tethered for nearly a year (longer still when she considered the many limitations of pregnancy). It was a reminder of the person she was before she'd settled into this ... domesticated role.

Her trip into London today was a trial run of sorts. Ilona was left in the care of a local village nanny while Zach and she attended to their work and errands. Jo's errands were actually the beginning of her first trip abroad on Zach's behalf. He needed someone with a trained eye for valuable tomes, and she needed a purpose outside of mother. It worked, or it worked as much as it could for two people continuing to dance around the subject of marriage.

She had run into the vendor by chance, a friend from years ago on Jo's first trip abroad, and was chatting happily when his voice came from behind her. Alfred.

Jo never expected to speak to him again after their last conversation. He'd enforced the end of their friendship, hadn't allowed her any room for any explanations that weren't immediate apologies. Hell, Jo wouldn't have even classified that last interaction as friendly. That he was addressing her now left her feeling off kilter and feeling that ever pressing need to flee.

"Hello, Mr. Darrow." Jo acknowledged with a tight, tense smile. Mr. Darrow. The formality felt like sandpaper on her tongue, gritty and wrong. But she'd lost the right to familiarity after the blizzard, the day on the docks proved that. "I hope Ze- Mrs. Darrow is well?" They'd had a baby recently, a boy. Jo read about it in the paper; he was named after a star, wasn't he? "And your son?"

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beautiful set by mj

Mr. Darrow. Alfred looked rueful and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. They hadn't been on any more familiar terms the last time they'd run into each other, but he still wasn't used to the formality.

"Better be Captain Darrow if we're going that route," he joked. He thought it was a joke, anyway, but couldn't say if it was funny. His tone as he spoke seemed equally unsure, like he'd forgotten how to talk to her and was performing a pantomime of what he thought someone else might do in his situation.

"Zelda's fine," he continued, without elaboration. He did not know whether that was true, but if he had reservations Jo wasn't the person with whom to air them. "The baby's well. He's smiling a lot more. Likes sea shanties," he added, finally with a hint of genuine sentiment as he smiled at this.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"Right, Captain Darrow." Masking the hurt in her tone was a herculean task, even if it did seem more like a joke than a serious comment. Was it not already difficult enough to maintain a degree of formality when they were once such good friends? There was a point in her life where Jo would've argued the only other person she was as close to as him was Saturn. Captain Darrow. What a bloody good joke.

Her brows furrowed slightly as he only briefly mentioned Zelda, but any further line of questioning would be wholly inappropriate. A friend had the right to ask, to be concerned, to help should any be required. A former acquaintance could do nothing but nod in acknowledgment and hope for the best.

"How nice." For what else was there to say? He knew of her daughter but had little to no details. And, miraculously, Ilona's existence was still a well kept secret amongst their society, so it wasn't as though she could share the thrilling moment when a small child produces their first laugh. "Well, congratulations to you both." Jo concluded, already planning to continue on her way.

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beautiful set by mj

The two-word response was discouraging, but Alfred didn't know what he'd expected. Some genuine attempt at connection? They'd severed things very completely when she'd left in the blizzard, and in the conversations leading up to it. Their interaction this past spring hadn't exactly mended things. Still, sensing her pull back so quickly and entirely left something deep inside him aching for everything that had been.

"I think they'll be in the same year in Hogwarts," he blurted. He didn't know much about Jo's daughter, including her exact age, but he'd been thinking about this and could guess. She hadn't been showing during the blizzard (and she hadn't told him anything, and he'd thought that before things had gone south she would have), which made it seem unlikely that she'd given birth prior to August. Orion would be one of the youngest in his class, so whenever Jo's child had been born would fall within the range of classmates.

He flushed, aware that by speaking up he was giving some window into how much thought he'd given Jo and her situation. "If you're still in England in a decade, that is." With everything he knew about Jo's life that was far from a given, but maybe it was a stupid thing to say — stupid because she might have construed his tone as slightly hopeful.

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The following 1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post:1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post
   Jupiter Smith

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Jo's blood instantly ran cold, her gaze flicked to her friend working the stall. Ilona's existence was a secret to all except Zelda and Alfred. Were his intentions friendly or cruel? Did he intend to ruin any chance Jo had of her daughter living some sort of respectable life? Alfred had never acted in any such manner before, but she hadn't ever known him as a father. Would he sacrifice a former friend to ensure his child didn't play alongside a bastard? No, he wasn't like that. Everything between them might have changed, but surely he couldn't have changed his own personality that much.

Which meant, what? Did he hope their children would be friends? Any fearful expression soon morphed into one of confusion. Alfred walked away that day on the pier — he'd let her run off into a blizzard, their friendship ripped entirely to shreds. Why would he hope for such a thing? If anything, he was probably better off praying Ilona went to one of the few other magical schools, somewhere he wouldn't have to worry about any possible association with Ilona or Jo.

She bit the inside of her cheek and looked from him towards the vendor once more. This was too hard, too confusing. Jo missed him too much to navigate a conversation full only of small talk. "Maybe," she acknowledged with a small tight and sad smile. Then, perhaps in a more rueful tone,
she added, "we're not sure where we'll settle yet." Jo thought to add more, to mention they were still discussing whether to elope or separate, but any such thoughts died on her tongue. Alfred didn't care, not the way he used to. Any information provided was only juicy gossip now. "There are so many children at Hogwarts, I doubt they'd be friends." Jo said lastly, her voice noticeably sad now.

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beautiful set by mj

She'd given him a strange look, but he couldn't spare the mental energy to interpret what it meant. His brain was stuck on the word we. Jo wasn't talking about her daughter; one didn't include an infant in planning conversations. So there was another person in the picture, presumably either the bookshop bloke or the father of her daughter (if they weren't the same person — he didn't know enough to assume), and they were having conversations about settling. This should have been pleasant news, maybe. The last real conversation they'd had revolved around this tension; she loved him (she said) but she couldn't settle (she felt). If she'd come to some sort of resolution on it, so much the better for her. But he couldn't be pleased for her. He was stuck on the word, on how he didn't know who she meant by we. She was settling, she had a daughter, maybe she was even married by now, and he didn't know about any of it aside from these clues that came up in occasional interactions.

He was suddenly lonely. Ridiculous, for someone in his position to be lonely. He had a wife and a child of his own at home. He had friends. He had (probably too many) family members visiting multiple times a week. He had an ongoing squabble with the neighbor who was letting the tree in their yard overhang Alfred's garden and dropping seed pods the size of grapefruits twice a year. He had a crew waiting to set sail with him. He was well-connected, integrated into the life that he'd built for himself here. He was lonely.

"Yeah," he said. His voice was gruff. He tucked his hands into his pockets as though he were diving for cover, like hiding his hands would shelter him from this interaction. "Yeah, you're probably right."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Jo was suddenly grateful for the heavy cloak draped over her shoulders, its weight reassuring against the pressing urge to flee. Her feet itched with it, the route already planned in her head. There was no possible way Alfred knew London as well as she; no way he'd even try to follow her if she were to run. She needn't even say goodbye, either. It wasn't as though she owed him any such pleasantries.

Except, Jo was an adult. Or, at least she was pretending to be. Deep within herself remained the girl terrified of meaningful connections, whose nightmares consisted of binding ropes staked deeply into the Earth. The woman at the surface was striving to do better, though. Not for herself or her daughter, but for the man too stubborn to let her go.

"Is that not what you'd prefer?" She muttered uncomfortably, her hands reaching for the edges of the cloak to draw it fully closed. Merlin, what if their children became such good friends that they were forced to engage around holidays or whatever other celebrations? What if they decided they were in love and suddenly she and Alfred were family? Surely, Alfred must prefer any alternative to that.

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beautiful set by mj

Jo's discomfort filled the space between them, made her seem more distant than she was. He had a notion that if he spoke to her now, he'd have to shout. She was too far away to hear him normally.

He was making her uncomfortable. She wanted to leave. He had no rights to ask her to stay.

"I dunno," he said, an intentional non-answer. He didn't know what the truth was, anyway, so this wasn't a lie. He didn't know what he wanted, only that this distance made him ache. "Wouldn't make much difference either way, I s'pose."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Had she not run into him a few months ago, Jo might have believed he was hoping their relationship could be mended. She might have thought his nonanswer was his pride unable to take the first hit. Only, he hadn't been approachable on the docks. There was a wall as tall as the pyramids between them and that day had served only to add to its height.

"Right." She nodded, looking from him and back towards the flow of people passing by. "Well, good luck to you then." With what? She had no idea, it was the first goodbye that sprang to mind.

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beautiful set by mj

Alfred recognized this as a goodbye, and simultaneously felt a surge of disappointment and relief. He didn't want this to be the way the conversation ended, so he wanted to hang on, but he didn't know what to say and thought anything he might come up with would probably only make things worse. There was too much baggage at this point for them to ever have the kind of ease they'd had before, maybe, but that didn't stop him from missing her.

"Yeah. We're — getting ready to ship out soon," he said, not because he thought she would care but because she'd said good luck and that seemed to require some response of more substance than just yes, you too. "For the winter. So — I was tracking down supplies, I should — probably get back to that."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

She had nearly escaped — even had managed two steps in the direction from which he came — only to stop short in her tracks at his comment. He was going underway, which made sense and was typical, except he had skimmed so quickly past Zelda only a few minutes ago that Jo still feared something to be amiss with her former friend. Was he leaving her to parent alone? Obviously, a family still required the typical means of income, but she'd just had a baby a few months ago. In September? August?

"She has help for while you're gone, right?" Jo asked quietly, already fearing his response to her invasive question. Really, Jo never would've asked such a question, except she knew how difficult it was to raise a baby alone. Jo knew all about the long nights and absolute exhaustion that accompanied them. "If you're going underway for some time you should make sure she has support." She quickly added. "Being the only parent - it's hard."

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beautiful set by mj

The fact that she said anything at all surprised him. He'd expected a nod and a quick turn away and nothing more. What she said surprised him even more. She might have visited Zelda while he was away last year, but he didn't get the impression that had made them friendly once again. She certainly hadn't been in contact with Zelda since then — Zelda would have told him. (Zelda probably would have told him. She would have told him, wouldn't she have?)

"She's, uh — there's a nurse." He hadn't expected to explain any of this and was fumbling a bit as he tried to determine the right level to detail to provide someone who was not-actually-a-friend, not anymore. "And family, y'know, she comes from a — big family. Her sister came to stay with us when the baby was born, so —" This was, he realized, too much detail. He hastily pulled back, grimaced. "She's, ah, she's okay."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

It was too easy for Jo to forget families were meant to be supportive during such significant life altering events. In another life, Earth would've stood firm by her side, Mars too most likely. Saturn would've been sent to keep Zach company, her mother - Jo's train of thought immediately derailed, her expression darkening as the reminder sunk in. Her mother wouldn't have been there, her mother was dead.

"Of course, yeah." Jo nodded as if she had only suddenly remembered how extensive Zelda's family was, as if she hadn't gone to school alongside most of them and knew at least a few. "I really should be going now. Goodbye, Mr. Darrow." And this time, before he could add anything else or call out to her, Jo vanished into the crowd.

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beautiful set by mj