A seismic shift was felt across the world in the early hours of today as one man sought to travel in time. Mr. Randy Armstrong, a resident of Florida, USA, took possession of a stolen Time-Turner and travelled 369 years into the past, to the year 1521. It is unknown what Mr. Armstrong was attempting to accomplish, however when the MACUSA rescue team - who had been tracking use of the Time-Turner - made the hazardous journey ten minutes later, they reportedly managed to prevent Mr. Armstrong from killing his own great-great-great (etc.) grandfather with a hatchet.

Although swiftly recalled to the present, irrevocable damage had been done. Both Randy Armstrong and Harold Grant, the MACUSA volunteer who retrieved him, aged 369 years in the space of three hours, and passed away shortly before publication. Furthermore, there has been considerable disturbance to the life paths of a number of Mr. Armstrong's relatives, the full details of which American officials refused to disclose.

However, MACUSA experts do report that worldwide disruption may have occurred as a ripple effect of the time tampering, potentially altering any number of miniscule details throughout history. There is also set to be disruption to time itself: wizards and witches across the world may experience erratic slowing-down and speeding-up, and a Friday that is predicted to stretch to 48 hours. As such, the emergency international response team has adjusted calendars to demarcate these unexpected hours as an additional day in the year. Magical governments are also coordinating extensively to minimise the impact of accidents and catastrophes across the muggle sphere, though of course, muggles are generally terrible at noticing anything.

"Sorry, folks," said a spokesman for the MACUSA President. Well thank you, America.