March 18th, 1893 - 5th Year Gryffindor Girls' Dorm
Sisse Thompsett

Sloane flopped dramatically on her bed without even taking her shoes off. All she wanted to do was curl up and sleep, but there were clothes to be changed, Transfiguration homework to be done and a wayward cat that desperately needed a brush. At the moment though, she could only take care of two of those things, until Splash decided to grace them with her presence.

She was partway through peeling her practice robes off, wondering if she should just skip it all for a hot bath, when the door opened behind her. Fortunately it was just Sisse and Sloane passed her friend a smile as she continued to tug off layers of muddy robes to toss into the hamper. Bless the house elves for taking care of that for her.

Pulling out a clean nightgown, Sloane was still contemplating that bath, when she took a better look at Sisse. Her roommate had been wearing the same sort of tired expression for a bit, but Sloane hadn't pried. Maybe she should though. "You alright?" She asked it casually as she started for the washroom— at the very least she should wash up. She didn't want Sisse to feel like she had to answer. And maybe there was nothing wrong at all, but she still feel like she should make the effort. Things this year had been so different without Alice and with the boys' graduation looming that Sloane didn't want any of her other friendships to be strained.

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It was rare that Sisse ever considered laying down for a nap. Her mother had always retired in the afternoons for such things, but Sisse had never liked the sluggish sensation that came with waking up from a nap. She never felt rested and considered a nap even worse than being tired. Typically she just muddled through. But then again typically she had no problem sleeping either. It had been weeks since she had managed to sleep well, her dreams were so vivid and full of tense situations and the occasional nightmare when she did manage to finally fall asleep there was no rest to be found. She'd also been staying up later studying with Ned, writing letters to Alice, and doing her own schoolwork that late nights were frequent and she still remained an early riser. It all led to the rare desire to actually lay down on her bed and take a nap.

Sisse had dragged herself up to her dorm hoping that no one else would be about so she could sleep without anyone wondering what was up what was up, afterall they'd spent six years together and the others knew her habits as surely as she did. The hope was unfounded as Sloane seemed to have just returned from practice. Pulling her tired features into as bright a smile as she could muster Sisse nodded, "Yes, just a bit tired." She pushed the tendrils of curls that spilled out of her braid behind her ear.

"How was practice?"

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

How was practice? Practice was not what it used to be, but just how did she explain that to Sisse? Sloane hadn't exactly divulged the slow deterioration of her relationship with Cam to anyone who knew, except vaguely to Lester, but she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to open that particularly box today. "It was alright," She decided on. Vague was the name of the game these days. Sloane was contemplating ending things with Cameron's graduation, as it made logical sense, but it still didn't give her any idea on how to get through the next few months.

"I can get out of your way after I wash up if you want to rest?" Sloane poked her head out of the doorway, loose brown waves falling over her shoulders as she figured a quick wash up seemed to be the way to go. She had some Creatures homework she could do down in the common room or find Ned to pester for fun. Ned was easy to be around, no conversation required. Lester too. Man she missed Alice. The circle of people she felt most comfortable with was slowly dwindling.

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There was one thing that Sisse could always count on when it came to her friends' love of quidditch - that they liked practice and really anything that had to do with brooms. Sisse on the other hand had given up attempting to fly after her failed attempts in their first year, she'd rather keep her feet on the ground - espeically these days. So a response of just 'alright' didn't seem at all alright to Sisse. "Just alright?" She gently probed as she sat down on her bed.

"Oh no, need." She waved aside Sloane's offer, she hadn't seen much of Sloane and if the other girl needed to talk she wanted to be here for her. Legs folded under her, she pulled her pillow to her chest, hugging it with her head resting on top as she watched the doorway to the wash room for Sloane to return.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Caught.

Sloane winced as Sisse questioned her, but Sloane wasn't so sure she wanted to get into it. There had been too much drama, too many hurtful things said and she didn't want to dredge up the past if she didn't have to. Of course the last time she hadn't told Sisse something, it had also blown up in her face. Some times it just felt like there was no winning.

Taking her time to wash up, Sloane finally tossed her practice clothes into the hamper for the house elves and pulled on an old chemise. Pulling her long brown hair over her shoulder, she wound it into a plait as she made her way to her bed. Sisse looked like she also had something on her mind, but the two of them seemed to hesitate these days and Sloane hated it.

"I think I need to end things with Cameron," She said finally, flopping heavily onto her bed, face down into her duvet, unable to look at her friend as she said what had been on her mind for months now. Maybe an open, raw conversation was just what she needed because she already felt a little lighter finally having said it.

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Sloane finally emerged, fingers pulling her hair back in a braid before flopping down on her own bed.

There were two reasons why Sisse had not expected these words from Sloane. The first was that Sloane and Cameron's relationship had become such a regular thing. The second was that since Sisse had discovered that their relationship was a thing, and concesquently how much Sloane didn't tell her, she didn't expect this level of honesty with Sloane. With Alice and Calla, yes. But Sloane liked to keep such things to herself.

"Oh?" Sisse wasn't sure how she should act, but she knew she'd want a hug or physical contact to have such a conversation. So she stood up and gingerly sat on the edge of Sloane's bed, placing a gentle hand on Sloane's back. "Why?" Normally she would have asked if Sloane wanted to talk about it, but the fact that she had mentioned it at all seemed that she did.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Feeling her friend's weight on the mattress beside her and at the hand on her back, Sloane buried her face further into the duvet and shrugged. She didn't exactly know how to articulate what it was she thought was wrong, it just all seemed very wrong these days and she hated everything that had happened because of it.

"Dunno," She mumbled into her bed, hands hanging over the edge as she finally lifted her head to look at Sisse a little more carefully. "Everything is just sort of... strained." It probably all stemmed from the fact that he'd said he loved her and she hadn't said it back. She cared for him a great deal, of course she did, but at sixteen had no idea what love truly felt like and so she couldn't bring herself to say the words. "I sort of regret the whole thing." Young and stupid didn't even begin to cover it. "Too many friendships were ruined," Or no longer the same as they had once been. "And we hardly spend time together. Even practice is weird." Maybe the fact the boys were graduating in a few short months would make things easier.

"He told me he loved me and I don't even know what love is." There, that had to be the crutch of it. And Sloane was pretty sure it wasn't even true anymore.

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When Sisse had been upset when she had been home and her mother had been alive her mother would sit there and listen. She hadn't chatted to fill the air, instead she had just let Sisse find the words for herself. Sometimes it led Sisse to realize exactly what the issue was when it wasn't what she had been saying. She'd missed that in the past year. Now, she did her best to channel her mother for Sloane, letting her speak until she found the heart of the issue, without interjecting.

However, Sisse wasn't an uninterested bystander. She had been one of those friendships Sloane felt had been ruined. Her relationship with Cam was more cursory than anything else and with Sloane they'd found a way to patch things but hadn't been as close since the whole debacle. Her hand found Sloane's and she gave it a small squeeze ready to say something. But then Sloane found the reason.

"Oh Sloane." Sisse sighed, withdrawing her hand so she could adjust and hug Sloane. Then she quietly summoned the best advice someone could who only have heard and read stories and not experienced it for herself, "I think you would know it if you were in love."

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Sisse's awkward hug was her undoing and the tears welled up immediately. What Sisse said made sense. It was sort of what she'd been thinking the entire time. She should have known, should have felt something. She cared for him, of course she did, but clearly not as much as he said he did for her. The imbalance, the fights, the distance, none of it seemed quite right and maybe that was what had been holding her back, but Sloane didn't exactly feel like herself these days and she hated it. She should have been a better friend, less selfish, less caught up, but it was too late now.

So she cried into her mattress with Sisse holding on. "I'm so sorry." She mumbled into the covers. Sorry for losing her head, for ruining her friendships, for everything. She used to be a good friend, used to be able to separate everything, but now she was just sort of jumbled mess and she didn't know how to fix any of it; wasn't even sure it was possible anymore.

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Sloane's body began to shake beneath her but Sisse held on, hearing the telltale sign of tears. "Sssh. It's alright. There's no reason to be sorry." Sisse told her friend, not loosening the hug. Honestly the physical contact with Sloane had been something she had missed since that awful afternoon. Now with Alice no longer there Sisse realized that there were very few people she could hug anymore. It was weird, but in a way just holding Sloane like this felt like a way it was healing her own friendship with her dormmate. Because looking back Sisse could see just how foolish she had been as well. Now it had not just been Sloane's fault but her own too. Everyone was entitled to their own secrets, their own shames, their own sadnesses. "Don't be sorry." Sisse murmured again.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Sloane hadn't had a good cry in a long, long time. With Sisse hugging her, Sloane felt some relief, some sort of cathartic release, even if she still felt some sort of miserable underneath it all.

Awkwardly she sat up, twisting to face Sisse and wrapped her arms around her friend, pressing her forehead into Sisse's shoulder. "It's still all messed up," She mumbled miserably. "I can't fix it. Alice is gone, I have to end things with Cam, the boys are graduating, nothing seems right anymore." Merlin what she wouldn't give for the easy of their third year once again.

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As Sloane shifted into her arms Sisse felt the last of the old wound ease, a tension she had born so long she had forgotten it was there. Sisse wrapped her arms more securely around her friend to bolster her through the storm.

"It doesn't." Sisse agreed her own woes and hurts bubbling near the surface. Nothing felt right. Everything had gone off sideways. But she had figured it was because they were all growing up. All becoming who they would be. Baring up under the circumstances that would define the adult they would become.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Sloane sniffled pitifully and gave Sisse one more tight squeeze. "I feel like this all the time, does it ever go away?" She felt some sort of miserable day in and day out. It was abysmal. That pang of reminiscence, of wanting their childhood back, overwhelmed her sometimes and it was hard to escape it. Ugh, this was too existential.

"Well, at least we'll still be here." She laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood, swiping some of the tears from her cheeks. This conversation was going to have a whole new meaning in a year's time.

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"I don't know." Sisse admitted tightening her own hug in response. "But I have to believe it does." She didn't want to consider what would happen if she stopped hoping it would.

At Sloane's quip Sisse gave a choked laugh. "Yes. And-" before she could second guess herself she plunged forward, "and it'll be simpler when it's just us." At least she truly considered it would be.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Simpler. It probably would be. They'd leave Hogwarts the same way they started it, friends in the same dorm, coming from different places and leaving to different spaces, but things did seem to be easier when it was just the girls. Hopefully next year would be one they looked back on fondly, unlike the last couple.

"There is that, yeah." She sighed as she sniffled again, trying to wave away the rest of the tears. Something had to give and at least it seemed like finally, she and Sisse were on the same page again.

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