December 1, 2021 – 6:15 PM
December 6th, 1891 — Black's
The six of spades would have been a better choice; it would have won him the hand. Ford didn't realize this until after the round was over, but the card he'd played instead had obviously been the wrong choice. Even without seeing the other options in his hand, Cash could probably tell it was a stupid move. This wasn't the first time, either. They'd been playing for twenty minutes, and Ford had made at least three careless, stupid mistakes that had cost him a hand. It was a good thing they weren't playing for money.
Christmas was looming. Clementine would be back from school at the end of next week. Verity's wedding would take place in the new year. Macnair wanted to see him this weekend, if possible, or next week if not. Macnair's wife was presumably still pregnant — presumably getting more visibly pregnant by the day. Macnair still hadn't called things off, but spending time with him right now was akin to torture. Clementine would be asking for money to go shopping for gifts as soon as she was back from school, and he didn't have any to give her. He'd have to pretend he'd forgotten about it in the chaos of wedding planning, but even that would only buy him a few days to come up with something. Grace had not pestered him about it yet, because it wasn't in Grace's nature to pester, but Clementine would. Verity was getting married to someone who might be all wrong for her, but they didn't have options. Weddings were expensive, and Ford was sitting at Black's badly losing a game of cards with Cash Lestrange.
"Sorry," he mumbled, realizing he'd taken a beat too long to stare at his hand and he still hadn't decided which card to play. He picked one at random and threw it down. He took stock of what Lestrange had played and winced. Another losing hand.
Set by Lady!
December 4, 2021 – 10:32 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
This was one of those games where beating Ford at cards felt mean, because it was like he was too distracted to even try. Cash wasn't trying that hard, either — he felt like he should have lost the last hand, but Ford had played a stupid card. Cash had a misplaced idea that maybe letting Ford win the hand would cheer the other man up, but that required Ford actually winning a hand — and that was looking increasingly unlikely.
Cash frowned despite winning the hand; he collected the cards and squinted at his, trying to decide what to play that would give Ford a shot at winning. "Something on your mind?" he asked. It seemed obvious that there was, but he couldn't force Ford to tell him if he didn't want to.
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December 5, 2021 – 1:35 AM
At the question Ford reflexively muttered, "It's nothing." This was so obviously a lie that he actually felt a little embarrassed about it after he'd said it, even though he'd put no conscious thought into it. It was just the sort of thing people said in response to questions like that, like when someone asked how he was and Ford answered fine when he very much wasn't. Cash knew him better than that, though. People couldn't go through all of the things they'd been through in the past year and not have moved beyond superficial pleasantries. He hadn't asked because he was being polite. He'd asked because he already knew the answer. It was silly for Ford to try and pretend nothing was wrong when Lestrange had already figured that much out.
"A lot of nothings," he admitted with a half-sigh. He set his hand of cards down, giving up on the pretext of the game, and reached for his glass of wine instead.
Set by Lady!
December 23, 2021 – 3:19 AM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Cash frowned at Ford's lie; he was glad that Ford followed up with something else, because it was so blatantly a lie that Cash didn't know how to call him out on it. "Anything I can help with?" he asked. He wanted to help if he could; he just needed Ford to describe more about what those nothings were if he was going to even try. He set his own cards down, and held his drink loosely in one hand, but he didn't currently have much interest in drinking it.
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December 23, 2021 – 4:04 AM
Ford shook his head and took a sip of his wine with an exaggerated wide-eyed expression, an if you only knew sort of expression. "Probably not," he said when he'd finished drinking. He almost continued it's not the sort of thing... but how would he possibly finish that sentence? It's not the sort of thing where you need a friend to trap a dementor in a wardrobe. It's not the sort of thing where you're having a panic attack in the woods in Ireland and need someone to talk you down. Thinking about things like this made him wish that Cash could help, for some reason, although he still didn't think it particularly likely. Even if he did, where would he start? He couldn't admit to Cash that one of the nothings he was stressing over was as paltry as Clementine's Christmas shopping allowance.
"Unless you've planned a wedding before and have advice for me," he joked thinly. "Or —" Ford had said the or before he had decided what to follow it with; the rhythm of his first phrase seemed to want a continuation, but he didn't know what else he could actually tell Cash about. Not the money problems, because they were in Black's and it wasn't entirely his secret to divulge even if they weren't. That really only left one thing: Macnair and his pregnant wife. Ford hadn't been planning on bringing it up, but he supposed doing so wasn't the end of the world. He'd told Cash back in August that he was seeing someone, so at least he had some bit of context here, and it wasn't as though Ford needed to give him details about who he was seeing or what was going on. "— if you want to hear me sulk about relationships ending."
Set by Lady!
December 24, 2021 – 3:29 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Cash hadn't necessarily expected to be able to help, although he wished he could. He was less a person who helped people with their problems and more a person who accidentally inflicted their problems on others later; he accepted this role, for all that it was starting to feel more uncomfortable than it once had. (A side effect, perhaps, of becoming less listless.)
His mouth twisted wryly at the mention of wedding planning — Cash didn't expect to have any input on the planning of his own eventual wedding, let alone anyone else's — but Cash decided not to make a quip about that when there was a relationship ending on the table. "Go ahead and sulk," he said mildly — he'd forgotten that Ford was seeing someone.
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December 25, 2021 – 2:52 AM
Ford sighed, then shrugged. "It hasn't actually ended yet, so I don't know if I've earned the sulking," he admitted. He was watching the light on the surface of his wine rather than looking at Lestrange. He tipped the glass to move the liquid around so he could watch the light shift. Maybe by the time Macnair actually broke things off with Ford he'd actually feel better; maybe there was a finite amount of sulking to be done and this prolonged period where the breakup was inevitable but avoided would mean that he got it all out of the way and was ready to move on quicker. Probably not, though, if his history with such things was taken into account. Admittedly Ford had a very short history when it came to relationships, so he had no real experience to measure against, but earlier that year when he'd broken things off with Macnair he'd felt rather miserable about it for weeks, and that had been his initiative, and he'd had no reason to think Macnair had any feelings for him, and it had been before they'd gotten so deep into things. There was no reason to expect that this would be any easier. The one thing that might have made it easier — that they were out of the social season and there were less expectations on his time, and therefore more time he could devote to licking his emotional wounds in private — was offset by the upcoming holiday and Verity's wedding. Ford didn't foresee having a wealth of time to himself anytime soon.
Set by Lady!
December 25, 2021 – 10:08 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Cash thought back on his own history with relationships: things had been off-and-on with Eli for so long that he did have experiences with relationships ending, and those were the memories he mostly had now. He'd always been a bit miserable, and a lot of it was loneliness, as he hadn't had many other friends — but there had also always been a vague sense that things would restart again, when Eli was alive. He didn't know if Ford expected that to be the case with his situation.
And — he supposed he was in a relationship with Theo, now. They hadn't talked about it, but Cash certainly wasn't seeing anyone else. The thought warmed him, for all that it made him feel uneasy. He liked Theo. He'd come to accept it. He also didn't have plans on breaking things off soon, so — he didn't have anything to lean on there.
"So you're planning to end it, then?" Cash asked, quirking an eyebrow. He didn't know how else someone could see the end of a relationship coming.
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December 26, 2021 – 2:27 AM
Ford blinked, momentarily confused by how Lestrange had gotten that impression. If Ford were planning on ending things, why sulk about it? And why put it off, rather than just doing it and getting on with his life? Actually, on second thought, the latter consideration was the only one that stood up to scrutiny. Last summer he'd called things off, and been more than a little sulky about it both before and after — but at least he'd just done it, rather than drawing it out. Ford had that distinction over Macnair, he supposed; when he ended things it may not have been painless but at least it was quick.
It also hadn't lasted more than six weeks, though, so maybe he wasn't due much credit after all.
"No, I just think they're going to," Ford explained. "I guess I could. Maybe that'd be better than drawing it out. But I don't know. It's their thing. I feel like me calling things off would be... overstepping? That sounds weird," he admitted, shaking his head. "But — I don't know. Things are ending because circumstances changed, but mine didn't, so — they ought to be the one to do it."
Set by Lady!
December 30, 2021 – 2:04 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Cash frowned. But at least some of the time, with Eli, he'd known it was coming and hadn't done anything to hasten things along. "Sometimes people will put unpleasant things off forever if you let them," he said, which felt like a platitude even as it was the truth. Something Ford said stuck with him — changing personal circumstances. Cash's circumstances weren't changed yet, but they — would, as early as next summer, if he was able to follow Lucius' instructions. Should he be talking to Theo about this? The frown remained.
December 30, 2021 – 2:17 PM
Ford sighed heavily. He glanced over at the nearest bookcase. If it was possible to be distracted while still entirely focused on the subject at hand, that was what was happening. "No, I don't think we have forever," he said, but he was running through a dozen different scenarios in his head. What if Macnair didn't break things off? He had to, eventually; Ford was still convinced that he would, sometime before or very shortly after the baby arrived. Cash did have a point, though, about putting off unpleasant things, particularly if Macnair hadn't realized yet how inevitable it was. He might try to drag things out through Christmas, through New Year's, through St. Valentine's, through the beginning of the summer. Macnair had romantic tendencies, Ford knew; he wouldn't want to sully something like the anniversary of the day they'd first kissed by ending things.
"I don't think it'd bother me so much if I could get it out of my head," he continued, glancing back at Lestrange briefly. "If I didn't just keep thinking about how it's bound to end, all the time. It's like — it's not fair," he said with a frown. Nothing was fair and he knew that it was naive to even raise that as a complaint, but he felt it all the same and now he'd said it. "Because we weren't even together that long, and now it's like I've spent half the time we were together waiting for him to call it off."
Set by Lady!
December 30, 2021 – 2:49 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Cash would have made some more vaguely sympathetic noises, but the slip of a pronoun caught him — his whole body went still. Not because he was surprised — he'd guessed as much before — but because they were in Black's, and just because nobody was nearby to listen didn't mean it was actually safe. "I think we should go to one of the private rooms," Cash said, tone mild and polite — he was already standing up to do so.
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December 30, 2021 – 3:07 PM
Ford didn't actually realize what he'd said when it came out of his mouth, so he was surprised when Lestrange stood up. "Oh — sure," he answered, and rose to follow, with some slight trepidation. Going to a private room meant having a private conversation, and while in theory this entire discussion about relationships should have been conducted out of public earshot, Cash hadn't suggested it when Ford had first brought it up. Had he figured something out about what Ford was talking about? Had he pieced together who Ford was talking about? It wasn't entirely outside of the realm of possibility. They were cousins, and Ford didn't really know much about the Lestrange family and whether or not they were close to their cousins. Maybe they talked, and Cash had gotten some of the other side of the story from Macnair already and figured things out.
Ford was half a dozen feet away from where they'd been sitting when he realized he'd forgotten his wine, and had to go back for it. He hesitated over the deck of cards, but left them behind; they probably weren't going to need the pretext in one of the private rooms, and the game had long since ceased to be any entertainment.
Lestrange had gotten the room by the time Ford returned. Ford set his glass of wine down and leaned on one of the tables, glancing at Cash with a vaguely guilty expression.
Set by Lady!
December 31, 2021 – 3:25 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
His conversation with the staff about the room was swift and polite, and Cash stood inside the room sipping his wine and feeling very nervous. He was not entirely sure what to say — he had lived much of his life with a deep and pervasive fear, and the thought of slipping up like Ford just had was entirely foreign to him — but knew that he had to say something. What if Ford was disgraced, and then — what would happen to him, to his charming little odd family, to Cash?
He was working on the inside of his lip with his teeth when Ford came back, and there was a thin taste of blood in his mouth from it. ”You need to be more careful,” he said.
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December 31, 2021 – 3:43 PM
Ford's stomach dropped. It sounded like Cash knew exactly what was going on, at least from Ford's perspective, and from the expression on his face Ford could guess that Cash didn't think this was a good idea. And sure, Ford knew it wasn't a good idea. Part of him had known that from the start, or at least from the moment he'd found out Macnair was engaged to be married, but he still didn't like confronting the knowledge. With the way Cash was looking at him, though, it wasn't as though he could avoid it. Merlin, why did things have to be like this? Why couldn't this conversation have just ended pleasantly but vaguely, the way things had when Ford had first told Cash about it in August? Because now that Cash knew (or at least, now that Ford thought that Cash knew), he had to confront the idea that Cash's perspective on this might actually be more accurate than Ford's was. He might know Macnair better — he had certainly known him longer — and if he thought this was a bad idea, it almost certainly was.
Ford looked at the floor in the corner of the room (Cash's gaze felt oppressive, though he knew Cash wouldn't have intended it to) and bit the edge of his thumb nail. "I didn't mean to keep it up after the wedding," he said glumly. "It just sort of — happened that way."
Set by Lady!
December 31, 2021 – 4:17 PM
Cassius Lestrange — Played by Beanie
Confusion flashed over Cash’s face, a flutter of unsurety, because why were they talking about a wedding? But it didn’t really matter if the man Ford was seeing was married, it mattered that he was a man, and Ford wasn’t being safe. Cash needed him to be safe, because — the alternative was too dire. He looked at Ford, his eyebrows drawn together in concern, all palpable worry.
”Even if it just happened,” he said — never mind the wedding — ”terrible things happen to people who get caught.”
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