Gus couldn’t help but grin at Foxwood’s comment, although it faltered and fell from his face as the other stepped away from him in favor of moving further into the classroom, his expression shifting to something he couldn’t read anymore. Gus pushed himself fully back onto the table as he crossed his legs, watching him intently. His gut twisted as he expected the worst from the conversation. He remembered exactly what happened a decade ago - how couldn’t he? It had been Gus’s first (real) love, his first heartbreak and the first person he could never get over, no matter how much he thought he could. The reason he tried his damn best not to come home because they had so many memories around London and Hogsmeade it made his heart hurt.

Gus sighed softly as he closed his eyes. Foxwood didn’t want him and he was okay with that, but it didn’t make the sting of rejection hurt any less. He didn’t - couldn’t - say anything at the other’s words, so he just forced a smile against his lips as he nodded, waiting for the other to drop the bomb. He’d stay away from him. It had worked nearly perfectly since their return to Hogwarts, and they could learn to revolve around each other without being in each other’s pockets.

Foxwood tried and failed at a joke and Gus couldn’t even muster a pity laugh. His stomach twisted further. Was he going to Headmaster Black about him? Was Foxwood going to blackmail him into leaving this position, or to stay away from him lest his preferences get out? He couldn’t go through that again. Being at the beck and call of someone else because he had no interest in women was not something he’d do again; having a scar to cover a mark to announce him as a homosexual was humiliating. He rubbed his arm before he leaned back against his hands. Gus watched him closely and wondered if the red on his face was embarrassment for ever indulging in those thoughts to begin with. He raked his fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes.

(Deep down, he knew Foxwood wouldn’t ever do that to him.)

“I’m sorry,” Gus found himself whispering, his eyes opening as he finally flicked his gaze toward Foxwood. What he was apologizing for he wasn’t entirely sure - he’d been a daft seventeen year old with the world at his fingertips. Gus had wanted everything without making a single sacrifice, which he realized now was a selfish thing to ask of Basil. “I know… I know I’m different and that’s not something I can change.” He shrugged.

“I’m sorry too, for giving you an ultimatum. I was seventeen Basil, and I’m not sure what I was thinking.” Pausing, the redhead pressed his lips together as he formed his words carefully. He didn’t want to get into another screaming match. Gus opened his mouth, although it took a few seconds for the words to come out in a whisper. “I just… it was natural for me to tell my boyfriend I was in love with him. So when you told me it wasn’t possible for me to be in love… It was like denying a whole part of my existence. That's why I never returned any of your letters. I couldn’t write to you knowing you were disgusted with parts of me.”

He’d read every single one. He’d drafted a response to most, although they’d been tossed before the ink was even dry.

He sighed, although this time he smiled gently afterward. “I can’t and won’t ever apologize for loving you, but I will apologize for how I reacted to you. Rejection sucks at any age,” This time, his own joke fell flat as he forced out an awkward laugh. Sitting up, Gus laced his fingers together and placed his hands in his lap. “I, well, I care about you Basil, and I hope we can work on being friends again.”

His eyes searched Basil’s face for his reaction; he was ready for the rejection this time.

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