He didn't watch Greengrass cross the room, but he listened to the sound of his footsteps, leaned sideways as the bed cushion dipped beside him, and finally felt Greengrass' warm embrace wrap around him. His mask fell immediately. It was pointless to try to keep himself from crying; no matter how hard he squeezed his eyes or clenched his jaws his chest still shook and the tears still welled up in the corners of his eyes.
"You know I had to get married," he said, his voice still hushed and stiff. He should have learned by now that he could be open with Greengrass—he had a kind soul, but more than that, he loved him. He probably had learned, and had this gone any differently he could have been whispering sweet nothings into the crook of Greengrass' neck right about now, making promises about their future and naughty insinuations about all the things he'd do to him for the rest of the night. But Greengrass couldn't accept Valerian's truth or didn't understand it. Greengrass couldn't separate himself from Tatiana or the baby like Valerian had taken great care to.
"But I had to have you, too. I could have had both. I could have, if you'd only let me." It wouldn't have been easy, and maybe he'd always had to take time to reassure Greengrass that what he felt for Tatiana and for his child wouldn't impact how he felt for Greengrass. Maybe he should have taken more care to explain that loving Greengrass wouldn't make him a neglectful husband or father, because Greengrass loved his own family so much. But somehow he knew that no amount of explaining would suffice, because Greengrass had made up his mind already.
"You know I had to get married," he said, his voice still hushed and stiff. He should have learned by now that he could be open with Greengrass—he had a kind soul, but more than that, he loved him. He probably had learned, and had this gone any differently he could have been whispering sweet nothings into the crook of Greengrass' neck right about now, making promises about their future and naughty insinuations about all the things he'd do to him for the rest of the night. But Greengrass couldn't accept Valerian's truth or didn't understand it. Greengrass couldn't separate himself from Tatiana or the baby like Valerian had taken great care to.
"But I had to have you, too. I could have had both. I could have, if you'd only let me." It wouldn't have been easy, and maybe he'd always had to take time to reassure Greengrass that what he felt for Tatiana and for his child wouldn't impact how he felt for Greengrass. Maybe he should have taken more care to explain that loving Greengrass wouldn't make him a neglectful husband or father, because Greengrass loved his own family so much. But somehow he knew that no amount of explaining would suffice, because Greengrass had made up his mind already.
