Ford didn't know how to answer that. He'd been expecting something closer to a yes or a no. He knew what kind of surprises he was thinking of: anything sweet and heartfelt, anything that would make his stomach drop out of his body again. A small, hand-wrapped Christmas present waiting on the bedside table. A massage in a warm bath with scented lotion. An offer to cuddle on the bed while Macnair read something to him. Ford was hanging onto his composure by a thread as it was, and anything like that would have pushed him over the edge. It wasn't like he could just say that, though. How would that look? Thanks for setting up this whole trip to Paris and planning out every minute of it, but please tell me there's also a present for me to unwrap somewhere up here?
He bit his lower lip. "Tonight has been — a lot," he started. "I mean, good, though. A lot of good. It's — Sorry. It's just feeling a little bit — overwhelming, I guess, considering..." Ford swallowed and looked at the floor. He wished he'd stopped himself one word earlier. Maybe if he'd just said things felt overwhelming he could have left it at that and waited to see Macnair's reaction, but now that he'd said considering there really had to be a consideration that followed. He didn't want to talk about Macnair's wife or her pregnancy or his future family, because this was Paris and he didn't want to sully this moment by bringing all of that up, but how could he avoid it now? He'd been thinking about it anyway, on and off throughout the night whenever his mind wasn't preoccupied, and now he'd come within a hair's breadth of saying it. They couldn't just ignore it any longer.
What he could keep ignoring, what he had been pointedly ignoring all night, was everything Cash had said at the club. Ford knew he couldn't avoid it forever, but he also didn't know how he was going to bring it up without admitting that Cash knew about them, which he didn't want to explain. That was one benefit of Paris, at least; he didn't have to worry about tonight making anything worse in that regard, unless someone had seen them leave the club together.
Ford squeezed his eyes shut for just a second, trying to focus. He looked up towards Macnair and said, all in a rush, "If you're trying to be so romantic as send off I'd rather know about it. I mean, if this is a really sweet, drawn-out way of saying goodbye I'd just — I'd —"
He bit his lower lip. "Tonight has been — a lot," he started. "I mean, good, though. A lot of good. It's — Sorry. It's just feeling a little bit — overwhelming, I guess, considering..." Ford swallowed and looked at the floor. He wished he'd stopped himself one word earlier. Maybe if he'd just said things felt overwhelming he could have left it at that and waited to see Macnair's reaction, but now that he'd said considering there really had to be a consideration that followed. He didn't want to talk about Macnair's wife or her pregnancy or his future family, because this was Paris and he didn't want to sully this moment by bringing all of that up, but how could he avoid it now? He'd been thinking about it anyway, on and off throughout the night whenever his mind wasn't preoccupied, and now he'd come within a hair's breadth of saying it. They couldn't just ignore it any longer.
What he could keep ignoring, what he had been pointedly ignoring all night, was everything Cash had said at the club. Ford knew he couldn't avoid it forever, but he also didn't know how he was going to bring it up without admitting that Cash knew about them, which he didn't want to explain. That was one benefit of Paris, at least; he didn't have to worry about tonight making anything worse in that regard, unless someone had seen them leave the club together.
Ford squeezed his eyes shut for just a second, trying to focus. He looked up towards Macnair and said, all in a rush, "If you're trying to be so romantic as send off I'd rather know about it. I mean, if this is a really sweet, drawn-out way of saying goodbye I'd just — I'd —"
Set by Lady!