Theo had been careful to give him space – but Cash had come to him, so. Exhaling, he tucked an arm around his waist.
“Yeah. It must have been nice,” Theo acknowledged. A safe place, somewhere to be honestly yourself. Theo had gotten a ghost of a glimpse of it now through Cash’s recollections, and once or twice for himself when Theo had visited Angie and actually been able to relax for a moment, as if this was some secret hideaway that no one would find. He had felt the same way after hours at the Chudley stadium, back when Cash had still played quidditch and for a dreamlike stretch things had been good, when – in kissing him, or even just talking – Theo had found that sudden, unexpected liberty of being entirely himself.
Of course, it wasn’t the same there now that Cash had quit; and he supposed it had never been entirely safe there to begin with. But Angie’s new place would be for her and her brother now, not hers alone; Theo rarely had any privacy at home; and Cash’s house was no better as long as it was also home to his wife and his son. And Cash would never be here again.
“But you’ll remember,” Theo tried. The past and his past selves would stay in him, in his head and in his chest. “You’ll find somewhere new to be. We – can find somewhere,” he amended, quiet, tentative, hopeful. He knew it would never be the same – it would never be enough – but he didn’t know how else to soften the blow. “And I know you. You still have me.”
“Yeah. It must have been nice,” Theo acknowledged. A safe place, somewhere to be honestly yourself. Theo had gotten a ghost of a glimpse of it now through Cash’s recollections, and once or twice for himself when Theo had visited Angie and actually been able to relax for a moment, as if this was some secret hideaway that no one would find. He had felt the same way after hours at the Chudley stadium, back when Cash had still played quidditch and for a dreamlike stretch things had been good, when – in kissing him, or even just talking – Theo had found that sudden, unexpected liberty of being entirely himself.
Of course, it wasn’t the same there now that Cash had quit; and he supposed it had never been entirely safe there to begin with. But Angie’s new place would be for her and her brother now, not hers alone; Theo rarely had any privacy at home; and Cash’s house was no better as long as it was also home to his wife and his son. And Cash would never be here again.
“But you’ll remember,” Theo tried. The past and his past selves would stay in him, in his head and in his chest. “You’ll find somewhere new to be. We – can find somewhere,” he amended, quiet, tentative, hopeful. He knew it would never be the same – it would never be enough – but he didn’t know how else to soften the blow. “And I know you. You still have me.”
