I had a nightmare last night. It’s been over a month. I was hoping here I would simply be too tired, but it was kind of a stressful couple of days. One of the other apprentices got badly hurt yesterday. Harry said he’ll pull through, but he’ll probably have to head back home once he’s better.

It was the drowning one this time. Cold and suffocating. I woke up with a start in my bunk and almost cried out, but I didn’t want to wake anyone else. I was so disoriented but I knew I had to be quiet. The only thing I could focus on was digging my fingernails into my palms. The pain of it was weirdly grounding… but I need my hands. That’s when I did something stupid. I keep a pocket knife under my pillow with my wand. It’s just a little cut, on the inside of my arm, I’m always covered in bandages anyway from minor things so hopefully nobody notices, plus it'll mostly be under my sleeve. I don't know why it helped. I don't like that it helped, but the relief was almost instant. Even pressing on it to stop the blood hurt enough to keep me focused. It pulled me out of the depths. Can’t focus on a past hurt when you’re hurting now.

I know I can’t do it again; I have to figure out something to get me out of the nightmares. I’m afraid to ask Harry, he’ll want to send me home. Maybe Carolina will have an idea without me having to explain the whole thing.