Dear Journal

You never pour judgment on me so for this I am grateful. As you know, 1895 has been a year that I have looked forward to for some time, in a little over a week I shall turn sixteen and I shall finally be granted the identity of my betrothed. Many times have I pictured myself walking arm in arm along the clifftops of the home with my carefully selected groom enjoying an evening of wine and adoration. But now… my word.

I have met somebody, and I adore him, he makes me feel like more seen than I ever have felt before. I tell myself that I tried so hard to maintain the social distance becoming of our positions but I do not think it was true. Inviting Victor to Marseille over winter was a mistake, but it was a mistake that I would repeat if given the time back, and again and again evermore. If only Maman had not caught wind of his visit from one of the staff it would just be an adorable memory for me to treasure. I had never seen her with so much fury, I was certain her ring had taken a piece from my cheek. I can now see how a girl half her age once led France to victory in war.

But beyond her rage, now my 1895 might not be the year that I had planned. Papa has told me that the Chinese whisper has arrived at the family of my betrothed and they are discussing whether it would be proper for him to continue with our prior arrangement. There might even be a duel? I have done nothing wrong mon ami, you have known every word my heart pours out and know this to be my truth.

So what of 1895 for Mademoiselle DeCroix? I need to be true to myself, I always have and I always will, but as I discover more about who that is it will pose further questions. I must either fix what I have broken or I must embrace the bed that I have made. If I am no longer to wed, perhaps I might seek to complete my NEWTS after all and join my peers for coming out in 1896 as I have been told so many times is perfectly acceptable. My pledge to you, and to myself is that I shall continue to be true to Violetta, to accept what might come with a smile and make sure that my parents still have a daughter that they can be proud of.

Yours, Violetta

(443 words)