Sage still couldn't bring herself to move yet, but the tears had pretty much stopped and she felt better for getting that out, at the very least. "But if I don't, who will?" There was something stopping her from outright asking. Sage didn't think she could; it would mean failure and there really wasn't any room for that. But she wouldn't say no if someone offered, she didn't think. Even if it was just so she could sleep for a couple of hours every now and then. Merlin she missed a normal sleep schedule.

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"The rest of us, Sage," Declan said. His tone was lightly scolding. "You have a family." Her sisters, him — Declan. She had people she could rely on, even though it was hard.

  

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set by Bee

The exhaustion of it all; the not sleeping, the tears, the meltdown, the emotional upheaval of it all settled onto her shoulders. dragging her further down. There was no getting around it. Even with Declan's assurances, she knew she couldn't. "I can't ask anyone to give up their free time to cover up my mistake." She just couldn't. Sage would continue to relentlessly drive herself into the ground until she broke and then she would somehow pick up the pieces and keep going.

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Declan stepped back, but kept his hands on Sage's shoulders. "Sage," Declan said, a little sterner this time, "You have to stop calling her a mistake." Maggie was little now, but eventually she would be old enough to discover what it meant, to be a mistake, and he was worried about what that discovery would do to her.

And — Maggie couldn't be a mistake. She was a person. It wasn't healthy for Sage to think of her that way, any more than it was healthy for Maggie.

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   Sage Whitby

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set by Bee

"She's not the mistake," Sage didn't see Maggie as anything but something, someone, she'd always wanted. Becoming a mother, having a family, those were things she had always looked forward to in life. She had just gone about it poorly and out of order. But not once had she ever said as much where Maggie could hear and she never would.

Looking up at Declan with watery eyes, Sage felt everything bubbling up again. "The mistake was letting Locke win me over with that charm and care," damn him and his enthralling blue eyes and that Cheshire cat grin and those wicked hands of his. When she was feeling low she liked to put all the blame on him, even if it wasn't fair or truthful at all. He'd been very careful with her, seduced her with tea and familiarizing conversation, checked and double-checked for consent. He'd spoiled her with gifts and his attention. It had been too easy to get wrapped up in him and let herself get carried away.

"I don't regret her," she carried on without realizing she'd just accidentally said more to Declan about Locke than she had ever meant to let slip. She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince here. "But I never meant to make everyone's lives that much more difficult and that's what really bothers me." That was really what was at the bottom of everything. If she could do it on her own and do it well, she'd already be gone.

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She was talking about the father, about how the mistake was all hers, and while Declan had committed the man's name to memory already all he could do was frown at her. She was still acting like Maggie was the mistake, because Maggie was the end point of that decision, even if Sage did not see it.

He let go of her shoulders. "I can't make you listen to me," he said, exasperated.

  

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set by Bee

Sage sighed heavily. "Sounds like that goes both ways." This was pointless. Why try and make anyone understand where she was coming from? She stepped back, stretching her neck out and wiping away the remnants of any tears on her cheeks. This was why she had to do it on her own. Sage would figure it out and she would go back to keeping it to herself. If only she could go back to school and get her NEWTs and be a full healer, anything to make more money. Maybe she ought to look at odd jobs around town to bring in more income.

She no longer had it in her to attempt the letter from Maggie's adoptive mother. Her emotions were running higher now and she was physically and emotionally exhausted. "I should go lie down." There was no way she'd sleep at this point, but even just resting her body would help.

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