Gus chuckled softly; he hadn’t any idea that Ms. Dashwood was Foxwood’s cousin although he supposed it made sense. The Foxwoods were upper class and most of the families always seemed to be related in one way or another - it was the curse of being able to marry a select few, a thing Gus was happy he didn’t have to worry about. (Not that he ever had plans on settling down and marrying a female. That would prove to be disastrous.) Rather he merely nodded, happy to be the source of Basil’s laughter.

But then he spoke harshly and Gus stilled, eyes widening before he felt himself relax a few moments later as the other continued. “You’re right. It’s become too easy to get lost in my own head these days. Thank you, for this. I suppose it’s not what either of were expecting this morning, but I do appreciate you.” He grinned at the other, part of him already feeling a bit lighter. Basil had always been good at reading him, even if it had always trying to talk him out doing something preposterous.  He’d made the leap and now he just needed to hit the ground running. Worries and doubts be damned - that was never the Lissington way and it sure wasn’t about to start now.

Basil stepped forward and patted him softly on the back before stepping back moments later, as if it had physically harmed him. The spark raced across his skin and made him shiver, yet it was a welcomed feeling. He thrived off physical contact. Gus hummed at the contact, pleased to not have been the one to initiate it. Silence fell around them and the redhead opened his mouth to break it, but the Hinkypunk beat him to it.

Unhappy with its newfound home it screeched loudly and slammed itself full into the glass, the wisps filling its encampment entirely; the noise made Gus jump, and he slid from atop the table with his wand in his hand, his other arm straightening in front of Basil. The creature made a softer noise and Gus blinked at it before he laughed. Damn Hinkypunk was going to give him a run for his money. His hands dropped to his side. “It’s going to give my third and fourth years nightmares. I can already feel it.” He murmured before shrugging.

****
Basil Foxwood

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If there was anything at all Basil could agree with it was that this was absolutely not what either of them had been expecting when they woke up this morning. Still, he couldn’t help but smile again at Lissington’s comment and nod. He would always be ready to lend a helping hand for Gus… no matter what. “Always,” he replied, quietly.

Then, as their awkward moment descended into silence, Basil cleared his throat. Ok, this was it. This was the perfect time to transition into just what he had come here to broach. He eyed the easy-going look on Lissington’s face and regret at having to see it flicker away gnawed at him. He supposed they didn’t have to do this now. There was still so much time left before the term even really got going! There would always be a better opportunity to—

A sudden shriek broke Basil’s train of thought and he jumped, wildly, in a start. Lissington too moved rather abruptly and, in the moment he was shielding Basil from an invisible foe, the transfiguration professor felt his limbs move of their own accord to entwine long fingers in Lissington’s robe. It took a moment for both of them to realize what had just happened and a blush quickly spread across Basil’s face in response. Again. “It’s going to give me nightmares,” he muttered darkly under his breath. Releasing Lissington, Basil straightened his waistcoat nervously and avoided looking the other in the face.

“Anyway,” he tried, segueing into a new conversation. Basil paused then, realizing too late that he’d already started down this path. He had a split second to step away from this bomb waiting to go off and he quickly chanced a glance at Lissington. Expectant blue eyes and heart-wrenchingly familiar red hair pulled at his heart strings and Basil set his lip into a firm line. No. He had to plunge forward with this, no matter how uncomfortable.

Tugging his waistcoat down again in a fidgety manner, Basil took a deep breath. “I actually came by hoping to talk to you about something,” he tried again, this time turning his back to Lissington and pacing a few feet down the isle. Perhaps this might make formulating the words that much easier. “I’ll admit, it’s rather… an awkward thing to bring up, what with so much time having passed already, but I feel it’s important, if we are to cohabitate here seamlessly.”

Basil could feel his tone and words becoming more stilted and unfeeling by the second. It was a defense mechanism, one that had served him well over the past years for many a difficult conversation. Lacing his fingers behind his back and turning to face the red-head, he gave the other a meek look, hoping that he would understand. “I just… I think we should address the... hinkypunk in the room.” On the word hinkypunk, he gestured vaguely around the classroom in a half jest. Despite his best efforts at keeping things light, Basil could feel the heat pooling in his cheeks and the uncomfortable warmth around the collar. He probably looked as red as a tomato right about now.

He wasn’t sure quite what else to say about it really though, now that he’d brought it up. He'd only really thought through the fact that they had to talk about it. Not, what exactly, he had to say. Pausing, he risked a glance at Lissington’s face and wondered if the other was about to catch on and assault him with some remnant of hostility from that last conversation they had or pretend he had no idea what Basil was talking about. Basil honestly hoped of the two options Lissing might choose the latter. He wasn’t sure he could take another explosion like the one they’d both detonated back then. Not here, and certainly not now.

“I feel…” he hesitated. “I feel we left things off on rather a rough foot, the last time we met.” He said, quietly. “Perhaps it was a bit of a misunderstanding, or some like, and… and I just…” Just... what?

Basil felt all the remainder of his words die off in an instant, leaving him stranded. He gaped for a minute, floundering, before deciding to finally shut his mouth. Well, that was the end of that sentence. He should have stopped at misunderstanding.

---

Gus Lissington

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Gus couldn’t help but grin at Foxwood’s comment, although it faltered and fell from his face as the other stepped away from him in favor of moving further into the classroom, his expression shifting to something he couldn’t read anymore. Gus pushed himself fully back onto the table as he crossed his legs, watching him intently. His gut twisted as he expected the worst from the conversation. He remembered exactly what happened a decade ago - how couldn’t he? It had been Gus’s first (real) love, his first heartbreak and the first person he could never get over, no matter how much he thought he could. The reason he tried his damn best not to come home because they had so many memories around London and Hogsmeade it made his heart hurt.

Gus sighed softly as he closed his eyes. Foxwood didn’t want him and he was okay with that, but it didn’t make the sting of rejection hurt any less. He didn’t - couldn’t - say anything at the other’s words, so he just forced a smile against his lips as he nodded, waiting for the other to drop the bomb. He’d stay away from him. It had worked nearly perfectly since their return to Hogwarts, and they could learn to revolve around each other without being in each other’s pockets.

Foxwood tried and failed at a joke and Gus couldn’t even muster a pity laugh. His stomach twisted further. Was he going to Headmaster Black about him? Was Foxwood going to blackmail him into leaving this position, or to stay away from him lest his preferences get out? He couldn’t go through that again. Being at the beck and call of someone else because he had no interest in women was not something he’d do again; having a scar to cover a mark to announce him as a homosexual was humiliating. He rubbed his arm before he leaned back against his hands. Gus watched him closely and wondered if the red on his face was embarrassment for ever indulging in those thoughts to begin with. He raked his fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes.

(Deep down, he knew Foxwood wouldn’t ever do that to him.)

“I’m sorry,” Gus found himself whispering, his eyes opening as he finally flicked his gaze toward Foxwood. What he was apologizing for he wasn’t entirely sure - he’d been a daft seventeen year old with the world at his fingertips. Gus had wanted everything without making a single sacrifice, which he realized now was a selfish thing to ask of Basil. “I know… I know I’m different and that’s not something I can change.” He shrugged.

“I’m sorry too, for giving you an ultimatum. I was seventeen Basil, and I’m not sure what I was thinking.” Pausing, the redhead pressed his lips together as he formed his words carefully. He didn’t want to get into another screaming match. Gus opened his mouth, although it took a few seconds for the words to come out in a whisper. “I just… it was natural for me to tell my boyfriend I was in love with him. So when you told me it wasn’t possible for me to be in love… It was like denying a whole part of my existence. That's why I never returned any of your letters. I couldn’t write to you knowing you were disgusted with parts of me.”

He’d read every single one. He’d drafted a response to most, although they’d been tossed before the ink was even dry.

He sighed, although this time he smiled gently afterward. “I can’t and won’t ever apologize for loving you, but I will apologize for how I reacted to you. Rejection sucks at any age,” This time, his own joke fell flat as he forced out an awkward laugh. Sitting up, Gus laced his fingers together and placed his hands in his lap. “I, well, I care about you Basil, and I hope we can work on being friends again.”

His eyes searched Basil’s face for his reaction; he was ready for the rejection this time.

****
Basil Foxwood

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---

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Basil found he was incredibly taken aback at the apology that slipped from Lissington’s lips as he himself floundered for what to say. An apology had not been even on the cusp of what Basil had expected to come of this conversation, but he found it entirely relieving in a way he hadn’t realized he’d so desperately needed. Shoulders dropping from their stilted position, he let out a soft breath.

“Thank you,” He replied, quietly, honestly. It was the most genuine exchange they’d had in almost ten years and he felt like the massive weight he’d been carrying around on his back from the chip on his shoulder was suddenly shifting. “I do appreciate that,” he continued. “More than you realize.”

But it was never the ultimatum, really, that caused the estrangement. Basil felt his heart begin to pound loudly in his chest at the thought. Even as Lissington continued, his panic reflex began to kick into overdrive. Boyfriend? Is that what Lissington thought they’d been? Was it what they’d been? That didn’t seem… that wasn’t… Basil’s wheels started to spin, the gears not gaining much traction. (He was sure Lissington was about to see smoke come out from his ears from the mainframe crash that was about to transpire.) This was the same fight, the same misunderstanding they’d had all those years ago! Even after all this time, Gus still didn’t understand! Basil’s lips pursed but he bit back any retort as the rest of the red-heads statement filtered in through the cracks.

“I wasn’t disgusted!” he said quickly. “I’m not.” he corrected. For half a second Basil considered rehashing the argument with a ‘but you couldn’t have possibly been in love with me’ before thinking better of it. He didn’t comment on the letters. That was another sour spot that he tried not to think about. He’d regretted every single letter, a hundred times over, at some point in the past 10 years. That was another conversation for another time. Instead, Basil refocused on the conversation at hand.

Lissington sighed and the brunette straightened a little bit, standing taller from his place nearly across the room. The red-head’s laugh fell on deaf ears as Basil did everything he could to keep from arguing. He could tell Lissington was making an effort at apology and it would be rude, and daft, of him to reproach the other with the same circle they’d danced in their seventh year. Even if he still felt just as firmly that there was no bloody way two men could— that Lissing did— that it was even possible— ?! Basil sucked in a short breath and forced the air from his lungs pointedly.

That last line however, felt like a punch in the gut.

Basil felt all the fire and fight in him dissipate almost instantly and he turned to gaze straight into familiar blue hues. He searched there for any sign of insincerity. If this was some elaborate ploy to catch him out after years of harboring resentment, well Lissington had certainly become a good actor. More likely though, was that he meant every word of it and Basil relinquished his own resentment for a moment to respond in kind.

“I—" he hesitated, hoping not to give Lissington the wrong impression. “I care about you too.” He dropped his hands from behind his back and took a step in the other’s direction. “I never stopped caring about you, Lissing. You were one of my best friends.” The words came out more earnestly than Basil could have ever imagined. Then, offering a bit of a forced smile, he decided to throw all caution to the wind. “I think we can certainly try to be friends again.” Even if only on the surface.

I'm staring at my feet,
My cheeks are turning red,
I'm searching for the words inside my head...

---

Gus Lissington

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A slight smile pressed against his lips as Foxwood seemed to accept his apology. There was a slight hesitation in answering, but he still managed to breathe out a slight laugh. “It was long overdue.”  He’d been bottling those words up for a decade and it felt good to air them. Gus felt lighter than he had in years.

Gus watched him carefully, gauging his reaction; he could see the emotions fleet across his face, although catching and deciphering what they were was nearly impossible. He nearly grimaced at the quick reassurance of disgust; perhaps that hadn’t been the right word but he couldn’t take it back now. Basil should know by now he wore his heart on his sleeve - he fell in love quickly and easily, which clearly showed he was capable of every kind of love. But the other wouldn’t ever see that, not until Gus was settled down and married with a gaggle of children at his feet. It was a future he couldn’t imagine for himself - he had plans to disappear into rural Ireland before the pressure got to him. How unfair a marriage would be to him; he couldn’t make her happy in some regards and he couldn’t stomach watching her have an affair. Still Gus managed a strained smile at Basil, grateful for the facade of reassurance.

Gus could only hope one day he’d find someone who loved him just as fiercely as he’d love them.

Their eyes met and Gus’ smile fell from his face; he was prepared to hear a lot of things. Rejection for one, cruelty, laughter, and everything else he knew Basil to be incapable of. Or at least, was. Perhaps the years had been unkind to him in ways Gus couldn’t imagine. He hoped not; Gus would take every negative thing that had ever happened to Basil and carry it for him if it meant he could be happy without regret. His heart hammered in his chest so he pressed his hand against his chest, willing it to stay inside. Blue hues widened at his response instead, and Gus tipped his head back and breathed out a laugh of relief. It certainly wasn’t something he had expected to hear, but hearing that Basil still cared, even if it was vapid and on the surface, made him happy.

(He knew then, in that moment that despite how much he told himself he wasn’t, couldn’t be, didn’t want to be, he was still in love with Basil Foxwood.)

Running his fingers through his hair Gus pulled in a deep breath before he climbed down from the table in favor of moving closer and standing in front of Foxwood. He could see the forced smile and he managed to offer a more genuine one in return. He wanted to apologize for never visiting or writing; Basil had tried to keep their friendship but Gus had burnt the bridge without much thought. It had been all or nothing at the moment, yet he was quite aware the blame didn’t fall solely on him. Being told you were incapable of love because it wasn’t toward a female hurt, too.

“I would like that very much.” Gus finally managed to squeak out. Did they shake hands? High five? Do something to seal the deal? Finding he needed to do something with his hands, he scratched at the back of his head. He wasn’t daft enough to believe they could pick up where they left off; perhaps it was just a day they could forget (he’d happily give those memories away to someone who wanted to pick them from his brain).

“I guess you can say I haven’t really changed much,” Gus laughed quietly as he dropped his hands back to his side and blinked at Basil. “But I'd still like to get to know you again. A decade is a long time, and I know you've accomplished a lot.” He said, gesturing around the classroom; he knew Basil wouldn't want to hear about his travels, and honestly he wasn't prepared to talk about them just yet. "We could start with a meal? Not right now, obviously. I know we're both busy..."

****
Basil Foxwood

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   Basil Foxwood

Basil fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment as Lissington laughed outright at his declaration. Red tinged the tops of his ears but the brunette refused to let himself frown. He meant what he’d said; he did care for Lissing, even if he didn’t quite know… why, or how. At least Lissington seemed to accept his statement then as he hopped down from the desk and scratched the back of his head. (Basil had always thought he was too impossibly cute when he did that, not that he dared to admit it now, even to himself…)

Considering the other’s suggestion then, Basil ignored the creeping redness that now was frankly enflaming his face a bit as it trickled down from his ears. They’d both accomplished a lot in ten years but most of his early success Gus was already probably aware of. If he’d read any of those letters at least. Dismissing the thought, Basil nodded. “Sure,” he replied. Basil had been trying to keep his tone even and casual, but it came out more forced than anything. He cleared his throat. “Perhaps one of these free weekends we can grab a drink in Hogsmeade or the like?”

He shuffled a toe and waited, patiently, for the too casual affirmation that would come and signal the end of this encounter. Basil was glad to finally be on his way out of here… He was starting to feel an asphyxiating darkness begin to claw its way up through his gut and reach for his vocal cords.

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Gus Lissington

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Perhaps he laughed a bit too awkwardly but it was to cover a sigh of relief when Basil finally agreed to meet with him. It was unexpected as Gus had thought he’d be brushed off with a simple maybe, yet he was thrilled with the development. “As long as you’re not embarrassed by the gilly water or pumpkin juice.” He couldn’t help the slight ting of pink that painted the bridge of his nose, although he did manage a shrug. People had always raised an eyebrow at his choice of drink.

Gus could count on one hand how many times he’d been just a step beyond tipsy, and even those days were far and few in-between. As they’d gotten older people had stopped pressuring him into drinking, respecting that he simply didn’t want to. He liked to be in full control of his emotions and actions. There wasn’t any other reason beyond that.

“It’s a date” sat on the tip of his tongue but Gus managed to swallow it. “Thank you again, Foxwood. I should get back to this,” he mumbled as he gestured around the classroom, “And figure out how to terrorize them next week.” And eat. He should do that too.

He couldn’t help but frown when he saw the chocolate frog had rolled away. Damn. He’d have to pick up more the next time he could sneak away to Hogsmeade.

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   Basil Foxwood

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Are you student? Learn how to earn house points!