While returning home late from work the other night, I looked up at the moon and I thought to myself: what is the point of it? As far as I see it the moon isn't much good for light most nights and when it is, it's giving half the population moon madness and turning others into werewolves! I may not have gotten my OWL's but it doesn't take a genius to see that the moon is just a liability. I don't believe it's made of cheese myself, but if it is the sky is no place for cheese. What surprises me is that no one's ever done a thing to solve the problem of the moon before. It seems bleeding obvious to me that we ought to destroy it and solve all our moon-related problems. I'm guessing the only reason it ain't been done yet is pro-werewolf idiots and the whole Department of Whatever They Claim To Do With Werewolves who don't want to be left out of a job!

I propose that the Ministry send a bunch of men up there on brooms and jinx it into a pile of rubble or cheese curds or whatever it's made of. I'm hoping that by sending this letter to you to publish in the paper I won't have to worry about the Ministry taking all the credit for solving the lycanthropy problem.