Charming

(August 11, 2019 – 3:54 AM)Jude Wright Wrote: [ -> ]...in a similar vein, this Anne Carson translation is becoming something of a meme right now, but I have never been able to read it without thinking of JK. So hi.

Quote:Vampire Employee 1: Running water? I've never heard of that affecting vampires.
Vampire Employee 2: Death by running water hasn't happened in centuries.
Human Employee 1: I've been told that vampires couldn't cross running water.
Vampire Employee 2: I've been on boats. I've had baths.
Human Employee 1: When?
Vampire Employee 1: Baths aren't running water, are they?
Vampire Employee 2: Course they are.
Vampire Employee 1: How can baths be running water? The water's stopped being poured when you get in.
Vampire Employee 3: The Greeks used to bury us on small islands, because the graves were surrounded by running water.
Vampire Employee 2: I think I would probably feel like running water would kill me.
Vampire Employee 3: Really? Do you feel like poison would kill you? Of course you don't. It's a thing you learn.
Blossom: ...
Vampire Employee 2: It's not like we're given a manual for being a vampire.
Blossom: Enough!

Quote:Zelda: Now it's your turn Katerina, tell us your secret
Katerina: Okay.. Uh, I might have a crush on Nemo
Ari: Katerina, she said a secret.

Quote:Azazel: So, you ever killed someone?
Blossom: I hurt someone’s feelings once...

Quote:Odette: [about Mireille] The girl has no idea how to behave like a pure-blood. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?

Quote:Handsome: Why are you guys always out during rainstorms?
Darling: It’s peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of fresh raindrops.
Sweetie: Chrysanta bet me 12 dollars I couldn’t get struck by lightning and she’s WRONG.

Quote:Geoffrey Campbell: I really hate the concept of being overdressed. If I want to wear a latex dress and a fur coat to the grocery store on a Tuesday afternoon, I shouldn’t be judged, I should be applauded for being so incredibly sexy.

Quote:Charles: *falls off a cliff*
Useal: Oh! That’s gotta hurt.
Alina: Do it again, I wasn’t looking!

Quote:Winifred: Why do you have another jumper under your jumper?!
Irene: I get cold.

Quote:Sweetie, shouting across the hallway: Guys there's a package from Handsome!
Honey, peeking from one of the rooms: What's in it?
Sweetie: It's pretty heavy, must be his disappointment in me.

: You blew up an entire street AND two cars!
: lemme just say
Azazel: from the bottom of my heart
Azazel: my bad

Quote:One of Goodluck's brothers: You know, when I was your age—
Goodluck: You know when I was your height...
Brother:
Brother: Listen—

Quote:Literally anyone whenever Claire does anything: Way to go, Miss Bénet. The bar was set pretty low, but you found a shovel and tunneled underneath it.

Quote:Alina: Do you trust me?
Idris: Yes.
Alina: Maybe you shouldn't.

Quote:Connie: I just want to hear those three little words.
Holly: I love you.
Connie: That's sweet, but try again.
Holly:
Holly: I will behave.
Connie: There we go.

Quote:Handsome: I'm at a loss for words!
Sweetie: *later, talking to Chrysanta about the incident* Despite being at a loss for words, Handsome yelled at me for the next ten minutes.

Quote:Warwick: Anything you say in the next 30 seconds is free, starting now.
Avril: I think you’re cocky. Arrogant. Bossy and pushy. You also have a god complex and don’t think of anybody but yourself.
Warwick: But - 
Avril: But what? I still have 22 seconds and I’m not done.

Quote:Saxon: ...if Flora was here...
Claire: Do you see Flora? Did we invite Flora?
Saxon: No
Claire: And why didn't we invite her???
Saxon:
Saxon: Because he's a fun sponge
Claire: You got it

Quote:Warwick: I think I'm in love with you.
Avril: Warwick, that is a mirror

Quote:Liliana: Flirting is part of my heritage.
Hortense: What does that mean?
Ambrosia: Her mother was a slut too.

Quote:Holly: People say I have anger management issues. I say otherwise.
*camera shifts left offscreen, showing random classmate stuck by some jinx against a wall in the background, flailing and inaudibly cursing*
Holly, blocking the camera's view: This isn't about them—

Ari: Ben, look me in the eyes and be straight with me.
: So do I look at you? Or do I be straight? I can't do both.

: You’re still pretty irresponsible.
Tyb: Awww. You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re my girlfriend.
Elsie: No I'm not. Yesterday, you took the batteries out of our smoke detector to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass.
Tyb: You noticed.
Elsie: Yeah. In a bad way.

Quote:Friendless: That sign can't stop me because I can't read.

Sirius: Oh, I'm sorry Flora, has Ursula's sudden, tragic death interrupted your studies?
Flora: It has a bit, actually, yeah.

Freddie: When I woke up this morning I had a feeling something terrible was going to happen, and also, that essentially, deep down, I'm quite an evil person.
Art: It's called a hangover, Freddie, you'll be grand.

Jude: You recognize the legal system of a brutal, imperialistic oppressor, do you?
Kieran: If they can just put me in jail for 20 years, Jude, yes, I do.

Cora: You can't marry an Lestrange Beatrix!
Trix: It's a pity, cos I think there's something really sexy about the fact that they hate us so much.

Connie: If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me.

Calla: You're not psychic aunt Ailsa.
Ailsa: I am psychic, Calla. I did a course. I got a certificate.

Angeline: Oh, you'll have no trouble with us, Calliope.
Angeline: Okay, girls, who wants to do drugs?

Tybalt: Well, we did it, Elsie. We made the world's hottest baby.
: Say cute, Tyb.
Tybalt: No, this kid is liquid fire.
Tybalt:
Tybalt: Crazy to think in just seventeen short years, he's gonna be six foot seven and the number one draft pick for the Howlers.
Elsie: Hmm, and then he's going to pass up that opportunity to pursue his true passion...
Elsie: Library sciences.
Tybalt: Well, the important thing is, we'll support him no matter what. Even if he's a huge, huge nerd.
Elsie: Oh, especially then.

Cash, to Seneca: I never thought I’d have to say this, but there is only space in this family for one unstable sibling and I have held that title for a very long time, so you are going to have to get it together.

Spryly: My broom is worth less than your pants.
Cash: Well, I’ve seen your broom and that makes sense to me.

Kieran: Jude, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.