Charming

Dear Diary,I can't seem to find my journal. Thankfully one of my cousins had decided to give me hers that she had decided not to use. Apparently she had been given a prettier one for her birthday and had favored that one over this one. Not that I mind. I do not have to like it in order to use it to write down my thoughts. That is what a journal or diary is there for after all.

The last one I had must have gotten lost during the move. My brother has kicked me out of 'his' home. Though I will always see it as a Whitledge family home. No matter the legality. Still, it is nice to finally be away from him. Even if it does mean that I must be away from my sisters. I simply hope that none of them will find my old diary. It is private, and I prefer to keep it that way.

Even if I did manage to find it, I wouldn't want it. Too much negativity has gone into that thing. It seems like the right time for a fresh start. Writing somewhere new without looking at the old negativity seems like a good start. Perhaps it will help me to heal, to grow, and to learn more about myself. More than who I am as Miss Sweetie Whitledge. The girl with the judgmental siblings and the weird name. I wish to know the girl beneath that. Miss Rachel Whitledge… or whatever name I shall have should I marry one day. The girl who loves transfiguration, the girl who is sick of mourning, and the girl who will one day become an unspeakable.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,Though I had decided to leave things be at the first mention of our last name in Witch Weekly, I just could not help but write this time. Handsome appeared in this issue of Witch Weekly. According to the article, he is having an affair with a married woman. It is as if he wishes to ruin this family completely. Both socially and emotionally. My poor sisters are still living with him! While I might not have as much negative light shined my way since I no longer live with him, they might. And a lady's reputation is far easier to harm than that of a man.

Will he ever grow up and accept his own faults? He clearly could not take responsibility for the suffering that he has caused me, and our sisters as a result of our arguments. I had apologized for my part, but he can't bring himself to let go of his pride. Even refusing to read my letters completely. I was certainly right to tell my cousin Cordelia that Handsome and I might never make things right again. And it will only be him to blame. He has lost a sister, and it is his own fault.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,My cat Bijoux had almost eaten one of my cousin's pets! While it was a rat, that was no excuse. Especially after I had yelled at her not to after several times. That cat has certainly does have a mind of her own. Caliban was furious with me. Though it is not my fault that my cat chose not to listen to me. Now my cousin has been avoiding me, and I him. Though my avoidance is mostly to keep Bijoux from going on the hunt once more. What a dreadful thing it would be if I burnt another bridge between myself and yet another family member. One who had been far more patient than my siblings at least.

Currently my kitty is locked in my room. With a temper to rival my brother, she is far from pleased. I assume that I will be finding some of my books later, having been bitten by the little creature. At least she hadn't caught the rat. Not only would it break Caliban's heart, but it would be a nasty sight to see. Not one that I would have hoped to find. How do others tame their cats? I may need to ask one of my fellow Slytherins for advice on such things.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,I will be seeing my sisters on the train tomorrow. Possibly anyway. Unless it is too crowded for me to find them. … Or they do not wish to see me. Would that be possible now? Has Handsome gotten into their heads and turned them against me? I fear this. Our family will certainly never be the same. Even if my sisters didn't hate me. At least I have my cousins. Though it certainly isn't the same. How can it be? I was never raised with them. We don't have the same... parents. After all... mine are dead.

Even after all of these months it is still hard to believe. Over a year. Now a grandmother that I hardly knew is dead as well. Mourning is a dreadful thing. Constant reminders of the losses in one's life. How can anyone live with it? Especially if they are not close to their living family anymore. But I must move on... somehow.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,It is my first day back at school. Hogwarts is the same as ever, besides some of the professors. Does anything ever change besides the professors? That is a likely no. Although the quidditch team will also certainly be changing. And now we have new first years to talk to and get to know... if any of us even want to.

The Headmaster's son is one of such first years, and is in Slytherin as well. How unsettling. Is he as unpleasant as his father? I heard that he wants to try out for quidditch as well. Perhaps it is just a rumor. It would be as if a mini Headmaster flying around on a broom with each match. How silly.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,I spoke to the new transfiguration professor today regarding my wishes to become an animagus. While I had studied my normal school books over summer regarding the topic, it is not the same as studying official books specifically on the topic.

He agreed to study the subject with me. I am very excited to begin. The professor shall be ordering books for me to read. I am quite eager to begin my study. And whatever books that are also on said topic that are in the Hogwarts library already, that I have access to, will surely be on my list of things to read as well. With luck and determination, I am hopeful to reach my goals.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,It's yet another full moon tonight. I'm not even sure why I wanted to write about such things. Perhaps it is all of the studying I have been doing regarding animagi. Both werewolves and animagi transform into beasts. The only difference is one is in control of the situation. The other... is not as lucky. I wonder how the former Minister's daughter is doing. Being forced out of school must be hard, though I would imagine that nights of the full moon are harder.

If I was a werewolf, I would most certainly be disowned. My family is no where near as compassionate as the former Minister is to his daughter. What would I do? Being an unspeakable would likely be off the table. Marriage would be hard to find. Perhaps a sympathetic shop owner would take me in as an apprentice. To live a life as an apprentice. It must be so different from how my life is currently. Going out of the house on the night of a full moon is not on my list of things to do any time soon, that is for sure.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,What if I can't do it? Becoming an animagus is an extremely difficult task. What if I fail? Is this going to be something that haunts me for the rest of my life? Perhaps I shall always have some animalistic traits to remind me of my failure. My family would never let me hear the end of it.

If I do succeed though... this will be a shining moment for me. Something that is unique to me. Different from my siblings, from my brother. This is what I must hold on to as I think of the risks. Even if I do fail, I would have attempted what they have not. Even that is something to be proud of. I just hope that it will be enough. For me, for them. Even with our bonds strained, after all that has happened, it feels as though I must prove myself. Both to them... and myself.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,Today I told one of my peers from Transfiguration Club about my studies over becoming an animagus. I am sad to say that it was a more awkward conversation than I would have preferred. Apparently that is what one gets when one decides to chat with someone that they barely know. Oh well, it was an easier conversation to handle than one with several members of my family.

I have yet to tell my sisters, let alone my brother. I have even debated on whether to tell them at all or to tell them once I have succeeded... or failed in my goals. What a surprise it would be for my family to discover such a marvelous show of magic should I succeed. If I were to fail without permanent consequences... well that would be my business alone. Even if there was a permanent one, I would rather hide it if I could.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,It already feels as though fall is fading away. More days outside will be good for me. Perhaps studying outside in the cold wouldn't be too bad. The beginning of the school year and the end of it would be more ideal. But it would be nice to see more of the seasons changing. Classes are going well so far.

I've already begun thinking of break this year. Last year I stayed in school, to avoid a household that I did not feel welcome in. But this year is different. Living with my uncle has made me feel far more welcome to come back for the holidays. Perhaps my birthday will actually be celebrated this year.

Seventeen. That will be my age. Legally allowed to practice magic outside of school. I am not quite sure if I'm more excited or nervous about such a concept. If only father could see me now.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,Halloween is today. I wonder if any of those outside of Hogwarts are having parties. What would it be like to actually host one? One day I might have to do things like host parties and take care of children of my own. As my seventh year comes more into focus in my mind, I think about this often. Even with a career, I would certainly take more time to care for my children than my mother had.

I can't imagine becoming like my mother. With silly names and far too much distance. How will my sisters do as mothers? If I had to fear for any of them naming their children strange names, I would have to likely fear that it would be Darling that would do such a thing. Or Cupcake. Certainly not Pumpkin or Honey. Hopefully their husbands would have the sense to talk them out of such strange names if the time did come.

What would it like to be an aunt? Surely I wouldn't have to wait too long to find out. Cupcake seems to have a wonderful personality, and no career to worry potential husbands. Hopefully she shall be a wonderful mother... and never make her children eat any of her baked goods. If I had any say, I would advise the husband to convince the cook to keep her out of a kitchen. But she must never know that it was I that put the idea into motion.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,I took part in the potion brewing competition. The only female in my group of peers. At least I was not the only Slytherin, though he lost as well. We were up against two Ravenclaws. Not very surprising that it was a challenging group to beat, considering the houses that I was up against. Slytherin and Ravenclaw, likely the two best houses for competition.

I didn't make it past the first round. Though it is not my favorite class, I am quite disappointed. At least I wasn't up against Gryffindors. It would be quite embarrassing to loose to one of them. More embarrassing than loosing to a Hufflepuff.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,I met a metamorphmagus today. Even now I am still trying to think if I've ever met one before. What a nice ability that would be, being able to change into the form of another. Similar to becoming an animagus, though one would mostly only be able to change into other people or have different human features. But they would be born with it. No risky spells or potions.

I wonder if I would like being one if I had been born that way. Perhaps not. An animagus earns their gifts through hard work, though I am sure that metamorphmagi must practice in order to use their talents successfully. Still, my main goal of being an animagus is to show that I am worth more than how my siblings see me already. I don't think being born special would have impressed them very much by this age.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,Bijoux seems to be getting restless. Having taken up hunting poor defenseless creatures for sport. It's as if I don't feed her, which I most certainly do. I am certain that she is simply bored. Not much to do for a cat around Hogwarts. Perhaps if I had nothing to study and no classes to attend I would also be bored. I have considered taking her out of the common room and letting her explore a bit, under my careful gaze. That poor creature must now be frightened by its own shadow after such an encounter.

From, Rachel

Dear Diary,I have had a small cough for the last few days. Winter is certainly starting to show. Hopefully it is nothing too serious. The thought of being sick on my birthday fills me with dread. Especially since I will officially be out of mourning for a fair amount of winter break. If I must spend that time sick... I would be rather upset. The thought has occurred to me that my brother will also be celebrating his birthday the same month as well.

Last year neither of us got each other anything. For both of our birthdays and Christmas. Shall I try to be the more mature person yet again, as I had with our last letters together, and try sending him something for Christmas? Or shall I decide after I see if he actually bothers to send me anything for my birthday? Perhaps I shall be the more mature one. If only for the sake of our sisters. They deserve better siblings. Not a brother and sister who constantly bring negativity into the mix. Cupcake, Darling, Honey, and even Pumpkin are much less chaotic people than either Handsome or I can claim for ourselves. Father would be disappointed in us, and that will likely be my biggest regret in life.

From, Rachel