Charming

'Fina would...

Bed Leon because
Wed Phineas because he seems the least objectionable of the two that have porked her best friend?
Behead Thom because Ursula's already gone there and yeah.

BED, WED, BEHEAD... Old Hogwarts Professors!

Cordelia would...

Bed — Mesimerus because it would only have to be ONCE and it could be done.
Wed — Hamish because he seems friendly/family-oriented enough.
Behead — Violet because I'm 90% Cordy would be t e r r i f i e d by her.

Female quidditch players edition!

Bringing this back from the depths with characters that are, uh, active xD

BED, WED, BEHEAD... Spinster Edition!

Luce would...

Bed - Maeve Connolly because #ThatAurorBod
Wed - Nimiane Bellchant because #MovingUpInTheWorld
Behead - Constance Sykes because Luce can be vain and #EwMatronBod

BED, WED, BEHEAD... Hot Professors Edition!

Dionisia would...

Bed
Wed
Behead

former head girls edition!

Gervaise would:

Bed Tilda b/c she's pretty
Wed Katherine for her money
and Behead Pet because, tbh, glass eyes are creepy. Sorry Pet.

BED, WED, BEHEAD... Crime Bois Edition!

Bella would:

Marry Monty because he looks like the most fun.
Bed Ishamel because I feel like she would bed a vampire just for the experience. #JustBellaThings
Behead Simeon because creepy old man.

BED, WED, AND BEHEAD... main account girls!
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Herbert would...

Bed Elsie because she seems lovely
Wed Amelia because #Creatures
Behead Fortuna by process of elimination

FUN FACT: The way I envision ghosts having sex is they like...stand precisely where you are, murmuring all the dirty things they would do to you if they physically could and I guess you just have to get used enough to it to like it?

BED, WED, BEHEAD... The Law Edition

REVIVED with active characters

Crouch brother edition!

Melody would:

Bed Ben (for obvious reasons)
Wed Aldous because he seems like a genuinely good dude.
Behead Roman by process of elimination.

Lestrange Men edition:
, ,

Why yes, I'm doing this with Tatty >.>

Tatiana would...

Bed Cassius because he is benign.
Wed Tiberius if it were legal but that's more or less her typical position so...
Behead Kristoffer because she's met him.

CUSP OF SPINSTERDOM EDITION

Freddie  would...

Bed Camilla because she hot.
Wed Begonia because she's cute and he might think he could rescue her from her circumstances or something >.>
Behead Elsie because he's probably never spoken to her, but he'd make a sad face and mouth "sorry" to her because she's cute.

UNFATHOMABLY UNMARRIED EDITION

Bed: Quincy Honeyduke - because he seems sweet as his candy
Wed: because he was cute and nice to her
Behead: - because as far as Maddie is aware he didn't offer her a job

wizengemot edition

Marianne would:

Bed Roman Crouch which is awkward because he's her daughter's husband's identical twin BUT she doesn't find dudes with heavy facial hair attractive and she wants to
Bed Justin Ross because he's her type both appearance-wise and position wise
And finally behead Murdock for not shaving D:<

random young-ish dudes edition

Bed: Eldin Bones- he's a cutie so once and done wouldn't be a problem
Wed: Noble Greengrass - He seems like it would be someone Maddie would get on well with - and he's taller than her.
Behead: Jesse Hatchett - for no real reason - she'd feel bad about it.


Socialites!

Apparently Freddie has Opinions >.>

Freddie  would...

Bed Ursula because from the outside she seemed repressed and that sounds like fun times in the bedroom.
Wed Rufina because she's good at parties, I guess.
Behead Ambrosia because she doesn't seem very nice.

SECRET BAGGAGE EDITION