Ben was stumbling through his words, and Dionisia was trying her best to listen, trying to understand the meaning through the breaks in his sentences and the quiet profanity that caused her to glance in Elliott's direction each time. He was looking increasingly confused by the entire situation, and Dionisia subtly reached down with one arm to pull him into her lap. She scooted closer to Ben instinctively, and then reached out a hand to gently wrap her thumb and pinky around his wrist, her other fingers resting atop his arm. It was a way of steadying herself, but more than that was the only gesture of reassurance she could manage, her mouth having gone dry. She held it there and just stared at him for a moment, and Elliott was staring in Ben's direction too though she couldn't see his face.

Finally she found her voice and found her words. She squeezed his wrist and finally let go, swallowing once more before speaking. "You don't have to—explain yourself. If you want this, I'm here. He's here." She said it because it was the right thing to say, not because she didn't wish he would explain himself. There was a piece of the puzzle she knew she was missing, and listening to Ben she didn't think any details she was missing from before her accident would have helped solve it. However, pressuring him to tell her anything was wrong; she wasn't a friend of a confidante, but Elliott's mom. He didn't owe her any explanation. She smoothed Elliott's hair back over his forehead, and he leaned back against her chest, his worried expression gone.

---

  

---

Dionisia was touching his arm, and Elliott was looking at him with such a steady gaze, and a thought flashed through his mind: he wanted to disapparate, not because he was uncomfortable but because he didn't deserve this.

"— Thanks," he said, with a lump in his throat. "I — I want this. Thanks," he said again, flashing a smile at them both that was both sadder and somehow more genuine than the one he'd offered Elliott a moment earlier. He had the impulse to reach out and touch one or both of them, but didn't follow through on it. This seemed like the right moment for contact, to scoop Elliott up into his lap or pick him up in his arms and zoom him around the room to distract him from what had just happened, or to put his hand against Dionisia's arm to reassure her: I'm okay, sorry, I won't get derailed like that again, I'm sorry, but something stopped him. Maybe it was that same feeling that had flashed a moment earlier: he didn't deserve this.

Merlin, how he wished that he could have this. The longing for it followed right on the heels of the decision not to reach for either of them. His son watching him from a cozy spot on the floor, interested even if he didn't understand. His son's mother putting a comforting hand on his arm. This feeling of — of support, of family. That was what it was. That was what he didn't deserve, and that was what he wanted. He had a wife back at home, though, and she was pregnant with his child, and he hadn't earned this, and he was probably never going to have it, no matter what he wanted.

---

The following 2 users Like Reuben Crouch's post:2 users Like Reuben Crouch's post
   Arthur Pettigrew, Dionisia Fisk

---

MJ made this <3

There was a noticeable sadness in his smile that Dionisia could not pinpoint the reason behind. Of course it was something to do with his wife, with how her discovering their letters had impacted his ability to be involved to the full extent, but she was not sure whether he was sad because he couldn't take the photograph or whether it was something deeper or less specific. All she knew is that she wanted to make it go away, but she knew she couldn't; in their relationship she was Elliott's mom, not Dionisia, and with that identity came boundaries about what she could do without crossing a line that she hadn't been given permission to cross. Besides, if he harbored similar guilt about hurting his wife that she felt about Ari, any attempt to make him feel better could cause the exact opposite—more guilt, more worry.

"Of course," she said lightly, with a sad smile of her own in return. She leaned over and rested her head against the couch's cushion and unwrapped her arms from around Elliott under his squirming arms. He crawled off her lap and moved back to the spot between them, but instead of sitting laid down with the crown of his head brushing against Ben's leg and the bottom of his feet pressed against Dionisia's knee. Dionisia mindlessly tickled the skin above the top of Elliott's sock, prompting him to giggle and angle his head backwards to look at Ben.

"You can take the drawing, and—if you ever want the photograph, don't be afraid to ask," she reassured. Her smile widened ever so slightly, and her gaze flickered back down to Elliott. "Though now that he's seen you holding his drawing, don't be surprised if he makes one especially for you." Probably with subtle guidance from her, but Ben didn't need to know that.

---

  

---

Ben offered a tight smile in return. "I'll take the drawing," he agreed. A few moments ago even that much had seemed uncertain, but compared to the responsibility of a photograph, the circle drawing seemed tame. Safe. Even if it hadn't been, he couldn't have refused it; not after he'd admitted that Melody had seen the letters. She could have revoked the offer of the drawing, revoked the offer for him to see Elliott, asked for her letters back. It was incredible that she was willing to leave that door open for him, and he wasn't going to do anything that might see it start to close if he could help it.

"And I'd like that," he added, with a fresher smile. This was directed mostly at Elliott, though Ben wasn't sure if he was following the conversation closely enough to know exactly what Ben was talking about. "I should probably go soon, though. For today."

---

  

---

MJ made this <3

Dionisia was smiling, and in following Ben's gaze back to Elliott she saw that he too was smiling. She knew he had no clue what they were talking about, but he'd always been the sort of child who responded to smiles and frowns with equally expressive looks, and every time the two smiled at each other she was struck by how similar they looked even though Elliott had all the baby fat that Ben didn't. She would help Elliott with a drawing—anything to help the connection between the two of them grow. Ben was obviously going something at home with his wife, and if she could help him smile just a little bit she would.

"Of course," she said, pushing herself off the couch. Elliott stood up and motioned with raised arms to be lifted, and Dionisia complied. She held up on her hip, and Elliott's head came to a rest against her shoulder although he was still smiling in Ben's direction. "Let me know when you want to visit again. God willing I should be going back to work soon, but we'll make it work," she explained.

---

  

---

"Of course," Ben agreed, following her lead and standing. He wished, as he had on more than one occasion previously, that he didn't have to leave through the floo. It was so little time to go from her parlor, with Elliott smiling at him from her shoulder, to his own in Swallowbury. Most days the Crouch parlor was empty and it didn't matter either way, but there was always the chance that he'd run into Melody sitting on the downstairs sofa, so he always had to be careful to school his expression as he stepped into the flames. It would have been nice to have a walk between one room and the other so that he could take some time to transition himself mentally, but of course that was impossible. If he left through the front door, someone would see him, and then all their care to keep this a secret from everyone else would be out the window.

"I'll write soon," he said with a smile. "And I hope you are able to go back to work. Take care."

---

  

---

MJ made this <3