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Issue #237 - Five Simple Ways To Raise Better Children
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Mr. Lukeson’s Losses
Most of us know what a tumultuous time it is to be in mourning, and what a toll it can take on those who have lost loved ones. As our readers will know, Mr. Ace Lukeson’s young wife recently passed away giving birth to their son — but this is not the first time Ace Lukeson has lost someone, and with some new insight to this young man’s mental state we at Witch Weekly are now fearful that this last loss will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Or mind, in this case.

At his young age, Mr. Lukeson has already endured mourning for family members - and the uncertainty of a ransomed mother returning from the alleged dead - and, with the duty of care of a whole host of younger siblings, it is no wonder that his is a fragile constitution, unsuited to stoic, respectful remembrance. Following our obituary of his wife, Witch Weekly received some interesting correspondence, supposedly from Mr. Lukeson himself — but we cannot be sure, when such correspondence can only be described as the drunken ravings of an unhinged madman.

Ace Lukeson would not be the first young man who inherited early and lost his way in the haze of a drinking problem - they do call it drowning one’s sorrows, after all - but the dependence on alcohol is again suggestive of his unbalanced mental faculties. Rumour has it that when Ace Lukeson has been spotted on the street, he has been sporting certain minor injuries, scratches and bruises and the like: ordinarily, these would be quite inconsequential, but considering his circumstances, one cannot help but think the young man has either come to blows in a recent scuffle or two, or that he is not well enough to be looking after himself.

He is not a lost cause yet, though is no doubt in danger of deteriorating further if his inability to face grief is left unchecked. There is no shame in seeking help, and he would not be the first witch or wizard to seek that help in the comforting routine and supervision of the asylum, where he will not be a danger to others or to himself. One only hopes that his relatives care enough for his wellbeing to admit him to one.
Did you know Mr. Lukeson is barely twenty-one?What will Ace Lukeson do next?


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Lonely Hearts
Ideal Woman Seeks Ideal Gentleman

A debutante with pretty green eyes seeks a youthful gentleman with a handsome face and a jolly disposition for potential matrimony. A hostess by nature, she would suit a gentleman in a position where frequent parties are required to be held, or one who simply struggles where society is concerned and is in need of a wife to lift the burden.
Social Young Lady

Social young lady in possession of a considerable fortune and an excellent character seeks gentleman of pure blood for appropriate marriage. Social graces and good disposition are a must.
Match Made In Heaven

Recently finished young lady of impeccable reputation and social standing seeks respectable pureblood husband. She is very pretty and a paragon of respectability. A considerable dowry accompanies the young lady.

Yours, Very Desperate

Though raised well in an upstanding family, I do not have much else with which to recommend myself. I am a sociable creature and excellent at spending money, so require a husband who will govern me better than I can myself, and yet who will not care about such things as blood purity in his companion. I am so desirous to marry that I have no other standards at all; but if you
prefer a spouse not so near to spinsterhood, I have a younger sister who is equally desperate. Write to me and I will introduce you.
Fair Maiden For A Friend?

Only at Hogwarts did I last have a female friend to keep me grounded, and I long for a feminine presence that is not overbearing like a mother's or patronizing like an elder sister's. She should be intelligent and wise, but not harsh and unfeeling. For the best result, she should be unmarried, too.
My Romeo

Romantic gentleman of good character and good family seeks young lady of similar disposition and pureblood family for friendship with the possibility of love and marriage. Show me you are a true romantic by writing addressing me 'Your Romeo'.
Creative & Fashionable

Creative, fashionable young lady of the middle class seeks man to share life with. A bonus would be if they are tall as well as young lady in question stands at 5 feet, 8 and a half inches but is otherwise pretty. Her sisters have both been married twice while she seems doomed to be a spinster so you need not be concerned with how appealing you are! She will be quite easy to please.
Seeking An Anchor

A strong-willed, career-oriented woman seeks a gentleman with a firm hand and strong mind for matrimony. The woman she makes no attempt to masquerade as a demure debutante and instead possesses
ambitions beyond that of most men. Fragile egos need not apply.
Slightly Eccentric

Intellectual, slightly eccentric middle class man of good intention is seeking a lifelong conversational partner. Must be of an intelligent nature and enjoy intellectual pursuits. Appearance is very much not important but an active, curious mind is.
Shrinking Violet

A young lady, too shy for social situations, hopes for a man who will bring her out of her shell and show her the finer things in life. She is reasonably pretty, pureblood, and aged twenty-three, creative, dutiful and patient beyond repair, but too modest to know how to entice a gentleman. Be of good station in society, forgiving of her inelegance, able to sweep her off her feet with romantic declarations, and she may well be yours forever. (Short gentlemen need not apply.)
Affection Not Necessary

Modest and unassuming only daughter of superlative and distinguished family seeks gentleman with a view to marriage. Will improve with time and a strong husband's hand. Affection desired but not necessary.
A Personable Bride

Socially active woman seeks lifelong companionship. I feel I would make a charming and personable bride to the right man. I would do my very best to make your life both much easier and pleasant.
Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly.


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Five Simple Ways To Raise Better Children
From quidditch playing daughters to sons who elope with engaged women, it seems that this last generation of recent Hogwarts graduates have been causing nothing but trouble. But what of the younger children? Is there still hope for a brighter future? Here are five simple ways to raise better children, and protect our society's future!

Tip Number One:
Know who your children spend time with. As children grow older, they seem to think that they have a right to more independence. Making their own friends and choosing how they spend their time. As a parent - namely the mother - it is your duty to keep an eye out for unsavory friends. Don't be afraid to look through a journal or diary if you must. While you may be able to speak to your children's governess or nanny when they're young, Hogwarts is a far different story! Remember, you are still the primary authority figure in your child's everyday life, so be sure that they cut ties with a troublesome acquaintance at once!

Tip Number Two:
Keep negatively influential family members away. Is there a drunkard uncle or spinster aunt in your child's life? Be sure that your child spends as little - if any - time with them as possible. Family may be important, but your child's morals are far more important than a disgraceful family member's pride!

Tip Number Three:
Discipline your child as often as necessary. Never let an attitude or any further rotten behavior go unpunished. A child needs to learn how to act in proper society. If a child thinks that they have a right to act how they please at home, what's to stop them from ruining the family name in public?

Tip Number Four:
Make sure your child knows their place. Discuss the topic of marriage to your daughters often, and make sure to be clear that this should be their main priority. If absolutely necessary, pull your daughter out after OWLs for a proper year or two of finishing school instead. And make sure your sons understand their own place in society.

Tip Number Five:
Arrange a marriage when they are young. Early betrothals give your child time to understand and adjust to this reality. As seen by prior scandals, not many are able to handle the honor of a betrothal when the idea is presented later in life. Getting to know and appreciate one's betrothed makes for an easier transition into their adulthood.


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Opinion: The Flaws Hogwarts Boarding
When our children go off to Hogwarts, we expect them to be fully protected from degeneracy and impropriety. The headmaster has employed matrons to keep young ladies and their male counterparts in line, and etiquette class ensures all children, regardless of gender or background, knows their manners. Our sons are precious and our daughters fragile, so why then do they insist on forcing them to share a room with their social lessers?

Proponents of shared dormitories speak of tolerance and understanding those from less fortunate situations. It’s not untrue; I’ve seen my son develop a penchant for charity after spending four years in a dorm with both a farmer and a shopkeeper’s son. Still, there are mays to open our children’s minds to the misfortune of others without placing them directly under their influence. Why should my daughter, a girl of sound breeding and good sense, be forced to share a dormitory with a daughter whose mother is nothing short of a disgrace? Aren’t we trying to prepare our children for their futures?

Hogwarts is great. Its boarding system is not. The school should go to greater efforts to protect our children’s innocence and the values we’ve spent years attempting to cultivate in their young minds. No girl should come out of Hogwarts with a hefty dowry and believe her sole purpose in life is to work at the Ministry like poor Miss Petra Sleptova.

What can be done? I propose a new system:

(1) Overhaul the dormitory system. Keep a handful of dormitories for each sex in each year, and sort the children based off their background.
Girls from less fortunate households should not be forced to live their Hogwarts years in envy of their peers’ privileges, and a gentleman’s daughter should not be placed with girls that encourage deviance or degeneracy.

(2) Give the poor children jobs. Along with their Charms coursework and Potions lessons, children who will one day work in their fields or the shops should be given firsthand experience with employment. Allow them to work the kitchens or the grounds alongside the groundskeeper. It builds character and offer the chance to earn a good reference early in life.

(3) Change the focus of NEWTS. Unless they intend to become healers, girls from good households have no need for the rigorous coursework that most boys undergo in their final years of school. For the girls who desire to complete their school years, turn their sixth and seventh year into a finishing school of sorts. Expand the etiquette curriculum and ensure they remain far away from the radical minds of the lower classes.

The natural way of things is not enough to keep our sons and daughters safe from the radical minds of their less fortunate peers. We must demand that Hogwarts take the initiative to protect them from things they ought not to know at their age, which in practice means removing them from an environment where less savory facts might regularly come up in conversation. Hogwarts needs to focus less on just the academics, but on building character and protecting the leaders of tomorrow.
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