Victorian Era Marriage Market
Courtship & Marriage were one of the key parts of respectable Victorian Society.—Women often were not allowed to move out of the familial home unless it was to marry. Marriage offered many women protection, financial security and a partner for life. They were also often responsible for running the household of their new husband. Of course, each relationship was different and depended on the couple and their mutual goals.
Chaperones
While it is always preferrable for a primary chaperone to be one's
parent — and ideally one's
mother — a young person, especially a young lady, should not be unchaperoned outside of their home. Acceptable accompaniment would be a married older female relation, a male relation, or a hired chaperone of the same perceived gender. "The need of the chaperon is recognized in communities where there are large populations, and people are necessarily of many classes and unknown to one another." (
Etiquipedia)
Betrothals & Arranged Marriages
How are they different?— Betrothals are often placed upon a pair while in infancy or from an incredibly young age. It is a promise to be wed when a young lady is of marriageable age and/or her to-be-husband is of well enough social and financial standing. The young couple may or may not know each other, though generally go about their own lives growing and learning in their own respective households as is common with any respectable young gentleman and young lady.
— An Arranged Marriage is typically set forth when the bride and groom are already of marriageable readiness. Whether their families are in business together and looking forward to deepening those connections, or their daughter is older and struggling in the marriage market, this is a solution to aid both families to unite as one in a later-in-life match than that of a betrothal.
Courting
The practice of courting could vary greatly depending on one's class. A house maid would not be the average guest at a lavish fundraiser. There are, however, some commonalities that may bridge the class divide.
— Picnics in the park were common public meeting places for couples.
— Letter writing was a well-practiced art that seldom ended at courtship.
— A creative soul may try their hand at the flower language, though take caution as misunderstandings can be quick to follow!
Flower Language
Abutilon — meditation
Acacia — secret love
Acanthus — artifice
Agapanthus — love letter
Agrimony — gratitude
Allium — prosperity
Almond blossom — indiscretion
Aloe — grief
Astroemeria — devotion
Alyssum — worth beyond beauty
Amaranth — immortality
Amaryllis — pride
Anemone — forsaken
Angelica — inspiration
Apple — temptation
Apple blossom — preference
Aster — patience
Azalea — fragile and ephemeral passion
Baby’s breath — everlasting love
Bachelor’s button — single blessedness
Basil — hate
Bay leaf — I change but in death
Begonia — Caution
Bellflower — gratitude
Bells of Ireland — good luck
Bird of paradise — magnificence
Blackberry — envy
Black-eyed Susan — justice
Bluebell — constancy
Bougainvillea — passion
Bouvardia — enthusiasm
Broom — humility
Buttercup — ingratitude
Cabbage — profit
Cactus — ardent love
Calla Lily — modesty
Camellia — my destiny is in your hands
Candytuft — indifference
Canterbury bells — constancy, faith
Carnations, pink — I will never forget you
Carnation, red — my heart breaks
Carnation, striped — I cannot be with you
Carnation, white — sweet and lovely
Carnation, yellow — distain
Celandine — joys to come
Chamomile — energy in adversity
Cherry Blossom — impermanence
Cherry, winter — deception
Chervil — sincerity
Chestnut — do me justice
Chicory — frugality
Chrysanthemum — truth
Cinquefoil — beloved daughter
Clematis — poverty
Clove — I have loved you and you have not known it
Clover, white — think of me
Cockscomb — affection
Columbine — desertion
Coneflower, purple — strength and heath
Coreopsis — always cheerful
Coriander — hidden worth
Corn — riches
Cosmos — joy in love and life
Cowslip — pensiveness
Crab-apple blossom — ill-tempered
Cranberry — cure for heartache
Crocus — youthful gladness
Currant — thy frown will kill me
Cyclamen — timid hope
Cypress — mourning
Daffodil — new beginnings
Dahlia — dignity
Daisy — innocence
Dandelion — rustic oracle
Daphne — I would not have you otherwise
Day lily — coquetry
Delphinium — levity
Dianthus — make haste
Dittany — childbirth
Dogwood — love undiminished by adversity
Dragon plant — you are near a snare
Edelweiss — noble courage
Eglantine — I wound to heal
Elder — compassion
Eucalyptus — persistence
Evening primrose — inconstancy
Everlasting pea — lasting pleasure
Fennel — strength
Fern — sincerity
Fern, maidenhair — secrecy
Feverfew — warmth
Fig — argument
Flax — I feel your kindness
Forget-me-Not — forget me not
Forsythia — anticipation
Foxglove — insincerity
Freesia — lasting friendship
Fuchsia — humble love
Gardenia — refinement
Gentian — intrinsic worth
Geranium, oak-leaf — true friendship
Geranium, pencil-leaf — ingenuity
Geranium, scarlet — stupidity
Geranium, wild — steadfast piety
Gerber daisy — cheerfulness
Ginger — strength
Gladiolus — you pierce my heart
Goldenrod — encouragement
Grapevine — abundance
Grass — submission
Hawthorn — hope
Hazel — reconciliation
Heath — solitude
Heather — protection
Helenium — tears
Heliotrope — devoted affection
Hibiscus — delicate beauty
Holly — foresight
Hollyhock — ambition
Honesty — honesty
Honeysuckle — devotion
Hyacinth, blue — constancy
Hyacinth, purple — please forgive me
Hyacinth, white — beauty
Hydrangea — dispassion
Ice plant — your looks freeze me
Impatiens — impatience
Iris — message
Ivy — fidelity
Jacob’s ladder — come down
Jasmine, Carolina — separation
Jasmine, Indian — attachment
Jasmine, white — amiability
Jonquil — desire
Laburnum — pensive beauty
Lady’s slipper — capricious beauty
Lantana — rigor
Larch — audacity
Larkspur — lightness
Laurel — glory and success
Lavender — mistrust
Lemon — zest
Lemon blossom — discretion
Lettuce — cold-heartedness
Liatris — I will try again
Lichen — dejection
Lilac — first emotions of love
Lily — majesty
Lily of the valley — return of happiness
Liden tree — conjugal love
Lisianthus — appreciation
Lobelia — malevolence
Lotus — purity
Love-in-a-mist — perplexity
Love-lies-bleeding — hopeless but not helpless
Lungwort — you are my life
Lupin — imagination
Magnolia — dignity
Marigold — grief
Marjoram — blushes
Marsh marigold — desire for riches
Meadow saffron — my best days are past
Meadowsweet — uselessness
Michaelmas daisy — farewell
Mignonette — your qualities surpass your charm
Mimosa — sensitivity
Mistletoe — I surmount all obstacles
Mock orange — counterfeit
Monkshood — chivalry
Morning glory — coquetry
Moss — maternal love
Moss rose — confession of love
Mullein — take courage
Mustard — I am hurt
Myrtle — love
Narcissus — self-love
Nasturtium — impetuous love
Nettle — cruelty
Oats — witching soul of music
Oleander — beware
Olive — peace
Orange — generosity
Orange blossom — your purity equals your loveliness
Orchid — refined beauty
Oregano — joy
Pansy — think of me
Parsley — festivity
Passionflower — faith
Peach — your charms are unequalled
Peach blossom — I am your captive
Pear — affection
Pear blossom — comfort
Peony — anger
Peppermint — warmth of feeling
Periwinkle — tender recollections
Persimmon — bury me amid nature’s beauty
Petunia — your presence soothes me
Phlox — our souls are united
Pineapple — you are perfect
Pink — pure love
Plum — keep your promises
Poinsettia — be of good cheer
Polyanthus — confidence
Pomegranate — foolishness
Pomegranate blossom — mature elegance
Poplar, black — courage
Poplar, white — time
Poppy — fantastic extravagance
Potato — benevolence
Potato vine — you are delicious
Primrose — childhood
Protea — courage
Queen Anne’s lace — fantasy
Quince — temptation
Ranunculus — you are radiant with charms
Raspberry — remorse
Redbud — betrayal
Rhododendron — beware
Rhubarb — advice
Rose, burgundy — unconscious beauty
Rose, orange — fascination
Rose, pale peach — modesty
Rose, pink — grace
Rose, red — love
Rose, white — heart unacquainted with love
Rose, yellow — infidelity
Rosemary — remembrance
Saffron — beware of excess
Sage — good health and long life
Saxifrage — affection
Scabious — unfortunate love
Snapdragon — presumption
Snowdrop — consolation, hope
Sorrel — parental affection
Spiraea — victory
Speedwell — fidelity
St john’s wort — superstition
Star of Bethlehem — purity
Starwort — welcome
Stephanotis — happiness in marriage
Stock — you will always be beautiful to me
Stonecrop — tranquility
Strawberry — perfection
Sunflower — false riches
Sweet pea — delicate pleasures
Sweet William — gallantry
Tansy — I declare war against you
Thistle — misanthropy
Thrift — sympathy
Thyme — activity
Trachelium — neglected beauty
Trillium — modest beauty
Trumpet vine — fame
Tuberose — dangerous pleasures
Tulip — declaration of love
Turnip — charity
Verbena — pray for me
Vetch — I cling to thee
Violet — modest worth
Wallflower — fidelity in adversity
Water lily — purity of heart
Waxflower — susceptibly
Weeping willow — melancholy
Wheat — prosperity
Willowherb — pretension
Wisteria — welcome
Witch hazel — spell
Yarrow — cure for a broken heart
Zinnia — I mourn your absence
(
Courtesy of Nichole)
Engagement
An important and eye-catching step in the match making process.
— Engaged individuals often got to know each other more before the big day, much like their time during courting. As the photograph became more popular, this became a common practice for an engaged couple with enough means to do together.
— The engagement should first and foremost be made by the brides family in news postings such as the Daily Prophet.
— An engagement is indeed a legal obligation and thus is not entered into lightly.
— Once engaged, the happy couple may be allowed brief instances alone with one another to get to know each other with the understanding that the lady's honor is the responsibility of her fiancé.
— A broken engagement can be disastrous for both parties involved. A lady's reputation, however, is the most at risk when a broken engagement has been undertaken, especially if the two have been allowed alone together given the promise of marriage. Should a gentleman call it off, he runs the risk of being in breach of contract and sued by the bride and her party for damages, reputation, etc.
Wedding
The ceremony took place at the bridal home or a church, depending on the families life choices and means. "In England, a country bride and her wedding party walked to church on a carpet of blossoms to assure a happy path through life. For the wealthier, a grey horse pulling the wedding carriage was considered good luck. Church bells pealed forth as the couple entered the church, not only to make the populace aware of the ceremony taking place, but also to scare away any evil forces lurking nearby." (
The Victorian Wedding; Part Two--The Ceremony and Reception | Literary Liaisons) Families who could afford to often decorated with flowers, often attempting to be mindful of what these flowers symbolized for the day and the happy couple. June was by far the most popular month due to the symbolism of the Roman goddess Juno who reigned over marriage. May had the opposite way in fortune, bringing about "Marry in May and rue the day". Several other months of the year were known for being good omens of marriage such as April, September, November, and December. For farming families, October was particularly favored for good harvest.
Along with superstitious around months of the year for when the wedding day was to take place, days of the week were also a prime factor. A popular rhyme goes:
Marry on Monday for health,
Tuesday for wealth,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses, and
Saturday for no luck at all.
(The Victorian Wedding; Part One - Preparation | Literary Liaisons)
Despite the popularity of a white wedding in the twenty-first century, a variety of bridal colors had been used just prior to Queen Victoria's marriage in 1840. For wizarding families who favor a more traditional look, or those who are more likely to wear grandmama's hand-me-downs, here is another rhyme of the time helped young ladies remember what symbolized popular and taboo color styles:
White--chosen right
Blue--love will be true
Yellow--ashamed of her fellow
Red--wish herself dead
Black--wish herself back
Grey--travel far away
Pink--of you he'll always think
Green-ashamed to be seen
(The Victorian Wedding; Part One - Preparation | Literary Liaisons)
The happy couple often had one plain gold ring with the couples' initials and wedding date engraved inside. It was considered good luck if the ring fell during the ceremony, chasing away bad spirits or ill-intent from the newlyweds.
For families who can afford it, there are three separate cakes for the wedding. One is for the bride — white, simple and small — uneaten and saved to celebrate the twenty-fifth anniversary. One for the groom — black, simple and small — to be eaten before the wedding night. The third and last was for the reception at large, elegant and elaborate. This one was served to the guests and carefully sliced so as not to damage the party favors baked inside that have a rhyme-ful meaning of their own:
The ring for marriage within a year;
The penny for wealth, my dear;
The thimble for an old maid or bachelor born;
The button for sweethearts all forlorn.
(The Victorian Wedding; Part Two--The Ceremony and Reception | Literary Liaisons)
The Honeymoon often began with the couple getting changed after the festivities ending and beginning their travels the night of. Only the best man, who escorted them to their primary means of travel, would know where the couple was going for the sake of their privacy. Some ladies of more wealthy means would bring a companion such as her new lady's maid.
A Summarized Timeline
While there is no
set in stone timeline for the average couple — keep in mind, the richer you are, the stricter the timeline aught to be! — a couple could reasonably manage a courtship between six months to a year and six months without drawing out too much raised eyebrows. Any faster and you are headed into
elopement territory. Any slower, and a man could be threatened with a
breach of contract with both families set for reputational ruin!
Elopement
the sites favorite pastime A typical, proper, marriage consisted of a Bann or License. Banns often involved the clergy of the families involved, while the license involves the magical or muggle governance. This often involves the consent of the family, specifically for that of the bride. When a couple does
not have consent, one loophole that a couple can famously take is Gretna Green, sneaking off to southern Scottland. As one might imagine, the social — and potentially socioeconomic — consequences can be lifelong, especially for the bride.
Documentation written by Kelly and Kit exclusively for Charming.
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