September 29th, 1894 — Estate Weekend

This was — all not entirely comfortable. For one thing, August did not enjoy hosting over an entire weekend. For another, he had swiftly developed the impression that his mother had invited every single woman he had spoken to at any event over the summer. He knew what she was hoping for — he'd heard the rumors. But it turned out that in courtships were one was not head-over-heels, you had to ask people to court without knowing an incredible amount about them.

Not for the first time, August wished things had worked out with Miss Grace Greengrass.

While he'd told Thom several weeks ago that he was going to ask someone to court. But he'd said just that: someone. He spent the entire first day of the weekend considering the women, considering marriage — and feeling rather cheap about it. But he really was sure about her. August had enjoyed all of their conversations; he thought that real affection, maybe even love, could develop here.

After breakfast, he caught her before others settled into the yard games. "Miss Adebayo," August said, with a bright smile. (He hoped that he did not look nervous, but was sure that he'd looked vaguely nervous all weekend — hopefully people thought that it was because of the presence of his entire family.)

Sun streamed in through the bay windows of the parlor. August glanced outside to the garden, then back to her. "I had hoped that I might show you the library?" he asked.

Callista Adebayo Elias Grimstone

  

---

set by Bree

She had toured some of the Echelon-Arnost estate yesterday, in a group, and had admired it already – but she did not think they had looked in on the library. Of course, even if they had, Callista would not have refused Mr. Echelon-Arnost’s company now: she had not expected to see much of him this weekend – there were different expectations when one’s family were the hosts – but she had always enjoyed his conversation.

Besides, if she was late out to the lawn games, perhaps it would give her the excuse to just sit and spectate and take a closer look at the gardens’ flowerbeds instead (which she would privately enjoy more than the games anyway). “Yes, of course,” Callista agreed readily, smiling back to hopefully see him at ease – he looked a little pale or tired or fretful, maybe. “I’d like that.”

She took an ambling pace or two towards the parlour door, intending to let him set the pace and lead the way. She couldn’t guess what in the library Mr. Echelon-Arnost supposed would particularly appeal to her, but she imagined he’d thought of something, and was curious to see. Until they were there, though – “And I should thank you for a lovely weekend,” she put in honestly. “I hope you have had a little time to properly enjoy it?” (Meaning, probably, not having to give people personal tours of the library.)

---

  

---

August was relieved that she'd agreed, and did not bother to hide the relaxation in the muscles of his face. There was still some nervousness around his edges, particularly near his eyes, but — she had not outright said no. He set a casual pace, more because he felt awkward trying to move quickly with the click of his cane against the hardwood floors — but she did not seem to be in any rush, either.

"At least some time," August said, with a light laugh. "My mother has kept me busy — I suppose your grandmother may have done the same, with your sister's debut?"

Miss Adebayo had a responsible air about her; he would not be surprised. The library was on the second floor, and he maintained his careful pace up them.

  

---

set by Bree

For someone she had earmarked as earnest more than anything, she was warmed by his easy laugh. They had talked quite in earnest, most times before – he was certainly comfortable in serious conversation as much as wry remarks – so this seemed an oddly aimless, leisurely turn. But she accompanied him up the stairs, rather relaxed around him now, herself. “A shrewd supposition,” she admitted, with the flash of a smile, because her grandmother absolutely had enlisted her – indeed, her grandmother would never let her be idle too long.

“And of course I am quite happy to, though I think my help is scarcely needed – everything would go just as smoothly without me,” Callista continued conspiratorially. (She did not know Jena Echelon-Arnost terribly well, but from a distance – and from this weekend – she could imagine her just as domineering and competent as her grandmother was.)

Callista glanced questioningly at the doors beyond the stairs when they had reached them, looking for the library. (Perhaps he had a book on Berlin she might borrow?)

---

The following 1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post:1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post
   August Echelon-Arnost

---

Her conspiratorial tone was endearing, which helped solidify August's thinking. He held the paneled door to the library open for her with his free hand.

"I'm not sure if one of my siblings brought this, or our cousin Professor Bauer," August said. Once they were in the library, he walked as swiftly as his cane would allow to the bookshelf. He slid the thick tome out and set it down on the nearest table, opening it — it was not really a book, and opened smoothly after the thick cover.

"Miniaturized German old-growth trees," he explained, stepping back so she could look at the small gathering of them. It was a mirror of the weather in Germany now, warm August spell-created-sun on the evergreens, which stretched back into the 'book' and took up the space that would have been occupied by hundreds of pages . In the winter, it would be snowy inside. "Nothing compared to your plants, of course." He had not seen them, yet, but had to assume her efforts were better than this.

The following 1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post:1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post
   Callista Adebayo

---

set by Bree

“Oh,” she breathed, caught off guard and instantly effusive, “but it’s glorious.” It was not at all what she had expected to see here; she stepped a little closer to it, captivated, moving into the space Mr. Echelon-Arnost had left for her. “Like something from a fairytale.”

He understood her too well, Callista realised: because she would rather gaze at this living scene of trees all day than any of the dead pages in the forest of books around them. So... of course he must have listened to her when she talked of her interests. She never fully expected people to, somehow – she thought people often held themselves up to conversations like mirrors, more interested in reflecting their own image back than seeing anything beyond themselves. But then Mr. Echelon-Arnost was an exception, and had already gleaned more than she had meant of her passions.

Perhaps it was safer, then, to let herself get more lost in the miniature world of German trees than in the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

---

The following 1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post:1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post
   August Echelon-Arnost

---

Watching her look at the model trees, her captivation and clear interest, August felt more sure of his choice. It wasn't just that he had been able to make a gesture that she liked — it was also that she had clear depths to her, her own life, one that would allow them to be partners without being too-involved in one another's lives. Partners, with clear avenues of interest, and the ability to make the other feel seen when they needed.

But that was only if she said yes.

"I have a thought experiment for you," August said, tone gentle. "But — take your time, Miss Adebayo. You're saving me from yard games."

The following 1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post:1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post
   Callista Adebayo

---

set by Bree

Callista was so lost in herself that it took a moment to digest that he had spoken again – changed the subject. She straightened up, mouth spreading into a slow, bemused smile. Admittedly, she was in no hurry to leave here and return to the lawn games either, though she supposed she should not spend too long either in the company of a gentleman alone or in selfishly waylaying one of the weekend’s hosts.

“A thought experiment,” Callista echoed, gaze – no longer on the trees – growing curious. A flutter of nervousness threaded through her: thought experiment sounded a little like she was about to be tested on something. But she trusted Mr. Echelon-Arnost well enough; she tried not to let it shake her smile as she invited it. “I’m ready.”

---

The following 1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post:1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post
   August Echelon-Arnost

---

She was ready — August smiled back at her, equally bemused. He'd proposed before, but when he'd proposed, it had been overtaken by the intoxicating breaths of first love, a love that August had and still thought was the big love story of his life — this was different. It was more of an arrangement, even though there was affection here, he was sure of it. He tapped his fingers against the top of his cane.

"Should you be amenable," August said, an important caveat to start with, "I would like to ask your father for permission to court you."

He tapped his cane again, a nervous tic. "There's other thoughts to the experiment, obviously, but that's the short version."

  

---

set by Bree

“Oh.” Time seemed to slow as he said it, and with it everything magnified. The ticking of a clock in the corner of the room; book spines glittering as the sunlight hit them; the nervous tapping of his fingers against his cane. Callista felt a rush of affection for him. Affection, followed – inevitably, perhaps – by a sudden rush of fear.

Because she liked him. Try as she might to deny it to herself, it was already too late for that – because he was thoughtful, and earnest, and kind. He had noticed her; worse, he had listened to her. And if she liked him so well already, what if they courted? What then? She could not rule out that she would not surrender to it sooner or later, that she might stumble accidentally into loving him.

The room felt stifling, abruptly, and her face hot; she wished she was out on the lawn losing at croquet instead. If there were other reasons to say no to this – some unpalatable relatives, some eccentric political opinions, the complications of his controversial career or his ward, the disapproval of her family – Callista could scarcely remember them. She could see herself happy: she wanted to say yes.

That, in itself, was reason enough to sway her. “Mr. Echelon-Arnost,” she began, grateful for every syllable to delay having to decide what she must say, “I’m – I’m very flattered.” She hoped he realised she meant it, because she did. Nevertheless, her lips parted again, struggling to pronounce the word but that had to accompany it.

---

The following 2 users Like Callista Adebayo's post:2 users Like Callista Adebayo's post
   August Echelon-Arnost, Ife Gbadamosi

---

August watched Miss Adebayo, carefully, and it was not until she said she was very flattered that he knew she was going to say no. There were reasons, he knew well — his political inclinations, his ward, his family, his cane. He thought they understood each other. He could feel the future he'd thought was possible evaporating, and said, "Ah," with a glance towards the hardwood floor.

The following 1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post:1 user Likes August Echelon-Arnost's post
   Callista Adebayo

---

set by Bree

He already knew her answer, then: Callista felt a little sick at his expression and his downcast glance. She was thankful that they were in private, but that was only a small speck of mercy in a distinctly uncomfortable situation.

And she had hoped to say no without bruising his feelings, but was there a way to do that? It had to be a firm enough no to close the conversation on the subject, but she – perhaps selfishly – would have liked to keep him as a friend, somehow. She wasn’t sure that was possible or wise, given her fears; nor if he would want to after she had turned him down. She suspected most people were too proud for that. (Merlin, and people had been whispering lately that he was going to court someone – why had she not seen this coming, even for a second? At least she would have been prepared.)

“I admire you very much,” Callista said quickly, sincerely, before the mortification of her unsaid no could fill the room and congeal in the air. “Truly,” she insisted. “I can see you’re a good man, and am certain you should be a very good partner to someone,” – for in truth it was nothing to do with any flaws in him, but all to do with flaws in her – but she couldn’t undertake to explain them, and the more she danced around her reasons for refusing him, the more damning it might sound. “I just – don’t think that we would – make a very good match.” There were countless other debutantes he could have asked, she thought miserably (she could think of several women, some even present this weekend), who would have been better for him, and who might well have been in a position to say yes.

---

  

---

August had too much self-esteem to try to talk her out of saying no, and he supposed he had to appreciate her commitment to letting him down gently, but she was still letting him down. He was well-aware that there were several well-considered reasons a debutante would have for doing so, but — August had thought she was different. And the words she was saying seemed to be an attempt at emphasizing that it wasn't because of that, but was because of — something, he could not say.

He looked back up at her.

"It's alright, Miss Adebayo," he said, trying for a thin smile that may have been more of a grimace. "I must have had a misunderstanding of our circumstances."

  

---

set by Bree

It wasn’t alright, and she wished desperately she could say so. “My family –” she began, without knowing entirely what to say about them. She bit her tongue and stopped there. Were cursed, or at least the women were. Had higher standards, and she couldn’t bring herself to disappoint them. Might well say have said no even if she hadn’t. She averted her gaze to the sunlit forest scene, but it brought her neither calmness nor comfort this time.

Still, Mr. Echelon-Arnost had misunderstood their circumstances. And so would society, Callista thought wretchedly, misunderstand her answer. She could imagine what people would think once they learned of this (it was all but a certainty that the whispers would spread; sooner or later, people would put the pieces together when Mr. Echelon-Arnost was still not courting, and someone remembered that he had asked her to the library today) – they would think what he was probably already thinking of her –

That she was too cold, or too callous. A stupid, shallow girl, who presumed herself superior. Rejecting a courtship would only make her seem more aloof and unsympathetic and particular; and she was already nearing twenty-four, and what if after this no one granted her another chance, and another offer never came? And on top of it all, she had just unexpectedly glimpsed a whole other life for herself, one she had lost before it was ever gained.

She knew words were of no use now – how could she say to him that no, he understood her too well? “I am sorry,” she tried anyway. She couldn’t bear the look on his face, and she would not make a melodrama out of this, add any heightened feeling or unnecessarily prolong the scene. “Thank you for the weekend. If you’ll excuse me,” Callista managed gently, and made for the door.

---

The following 1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post:1 user Likes Callista Adebayo's post
   August Echelon-Arnost

---

August led her stumble through an almost-excuse, and then for the door, without speaking. He exhaled, disappointed despite the ways that he had tried to make sure that this was a level-headed decision. He had been hopefully; he had imagined a life where they could make each other happy.

He closed the book she had been looking at and re-shelved it. And then, he left to rejoin the rest of the weekend. His mother would be disappointed — and August could not blame her.

  

---

set by Bree