First World Problems - Printable Version
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First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 6, 2020
October 10th, 1890 — High Street, Hogsmeade
It was harder to find alone time than he'd thought it would be.
Of course, Hogsmeade was huge, and High Street was just as easy to get lost in by itself, but it was easy to forget how many students, school staff members, and regular citizens passed through the streets during Hogsmeade weekends. Even though he knew better, it still felt like all eyes were on them as they, by themselves and away from their usual friend group, passed a number of recognizable faces that were shop-hopping. It didn't help that Sisse and who-knows-else knew that he and Sloane were now romantically involved; in every set of eyes that passed their way he was sure he could see a knowing disapproval that was almost positively imagined on his end.
"We would have probably found more alone time at the castle today," he admitted, nearly thirty minutes after they'd wandered mindlessly through the shopping district. He'd been waiting for this day since they'd agreed that Hogsmeade weekends and holidays would be the best time to get a little time to themselves, and now he was on edge. He looked at her and frowned, his shoulders beginning to slump in disappointment. "I'm sorry," he apologized, as if he was a failure for not having an inherent knowledge of secret snogging spots. What if this wouldn't work? Them? He couldn't bear going back to being 'just friends'.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 7, 2020
Trying to pretend like nothing was different was exhausting. Trying to pretend like she and Sisse weren't fighting was exhausting. Not having the safe haven of her dorm was exhausting.
She was plain old worn out and it showed.
Her normal vibrancy was dulled. She'd lost the bounce in her step. The only accidental benefit was that her grades were improving with the amount of time she spent avoiding people by doing homework. Sometimes she even found herself avoiding Cam simply because it was so hard ignoring how much she just wanted a hug or something, anything. It was kind of miserable really.
They'd thought the Hogsmeade weekend might afford them some time to themselves, but so far they hadn't had much luck at all. Needles to say it was a little discouraging, but she didn't want Cam to know that. "I think staying back would have raised more eyebrows," She chuckled halfheartedly. "It's fine, really."
She was plain old worn out and it showed.
Her normal vibrancy was dulled. She'd lost the bounce in her step. The only accidental benefit was that her grades were improving with the amount of time she spent avoiding people by doing homework. Sometimes she even found herself avoiding Cam simply because it was so hard ignoring how much she just wanted a hug or something, anything. It was kind of miserable really.
They'd thought the Hogsmeade weekend might afford them some time to themselves, but so far they hadn't had much luck at all. Needles to say it was a little discouraging, but she didn't want Cam to know that. "I think staying back would have raised more eyebrows," She chuckled halfheartedly. "It's fine, really."
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 8, 2020
"Yeah, you're probably right," he said, although he couldn't help think that staying at school might have prevented this anxiousness. Every alleyway seemed to have a merchant right outside, and every cobble path that led to a different side street was packed where during the summer it might be empty. The shops were full of students, and even the bookshop with its winding rows and dead ends was packed with shoppers.
As another group passed them in the opposite direction, Cameron took the opportunity to step towards Sloane and let his hand brush against hers. He looked down at her, a small frown on his face, and then returned the respectable distance between them.
"I know it's bothering you," he said in a low voice once every pedestrian had passed. "You're terrible at hiding things like that." Even her hair, which was naturally a rich brown, was more dull and flat against her head. "We have to find somewhere to get a minute. You live in Hogsmeade. Where are all the hiding places, anyways?" He smiled as he spoke, but the smile did not quite reach his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and squeeze her hand, but, you know, even that was forbidden in public places.
As another group passed them in the opposite direction, Cameron took the opportunity to step towards Sloane and let his hand brush against hers. He looked down at her, a small frown on his face, and then returned the respectable distance between them.
"I know it's bothering you," he said in a low voice once every pedestrian had passed. "You're terrible at hiding things like that." Even her hair, which was naturally a rich brown, was more dull and flat against her head. "We have to find somewhere to get a minute. You live in Hogsmeade. Where are all the hiding places, anyways?" He smiled as he spoke, but the smile did not quite reach his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and squeeze her hand, but, you know, even that was forbidden in public places.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 8, 2020
Sighing softly, all Sloane could do was shrug a little. She'd always been the wear-her-heart-on-her-sleeve kind of girl and keeping it all locked up tight was nearly impossible for her. Almost everything was falling apart around her and it was killing her slowly.
His question was answered with another little shrug. All of her usual haunts we a good distance away from here and getting to any of the spots by themselves, unnoticed would be impossible. "I can't think of anywhere easy to get to." The small boathouse by the dock on the lake was a hike, her favorite shop corners were littered with students- "I do know the back way into the Potts' shop..." The greenhouse behind the shop was massive and really only the family went back there, it might give them a few minutes.
His question was answered with another little shrug. All of her usual haunts we a good distance away from here and getting to any of the spots by themselves, unnoticed would be impossible. "I can't think of anywhere easy to get to." The small boathouse by the dock on the lake was a hike, her favorite shop corners were littered with students- "I do know the back way into the Potts' shop..." The greenhouse behind the shop was massive and really only the family went back there, it might give them a few minutes.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 9, 2020
He looked around them, looking for anything—an empty shop, no matter how old and dusty; an opening in one of the alleys that they could use to find another alley or back entrance to a shop, anything. On a good day he was good at finding his way into trouble, but today the world seemed determined to keep him in line, until..
"I'd hate to be indebted to Calla," he said, swaying his head back and forth as if weighing his options, "but if she doesn't know about the debt.." He looked towards Sloane, managing a smile. He'd always sucked at Herbology, but maybe he'd have a newfound appreciation of it today.
"Lead the way." (He'd just have to pretend he'd never seen it whenever Calla got around to inviting him over for, well, anything.)
"I'd hate to be indebted to Calla," he said, swaying his head back and forth as if weighing his options, "but if she doesn't know about the debt.." He looked towards Sloane, managing a smile. He'd always sucked at Herbology, but maybe he'd have a newfound appreciation of it today.
"Lead the way." (He'd just have to pretend he'd never seen it whenever Calla got around to inviting him over for, well, anything.)
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 9, 2020
Well, if they were careful, Calla would never know they were there. She'd seen the greenhouse pretty extensively, knew a couple of the tighter corners where the plants hid almost anything from view. Unless Beatrice was prowling around, they should be able to steal a few minutes; the cat certainly couldn't derail them too much.
Feeling a little lighter at the possibility before them, she gently pushed him to the left, to avoid a crowd of Ravenclaws and set off down the High street toward the florist shop. If they waited a minute so nobody was paying attention, they could slip down the narrow alleyway next to the shop and down the back toward the bulkhead that led into the back of the greenhouse.
Sloane paused for a moment near the storefront, pretending to look into the window as a group of giggling girls passed by and then ducked into the alley, hoping Cam was following along. Even if he was a few steps behind her, it would work out fine. At the back of the store, the greenhouse began, long and wild, green and lush even through the glass. Just a couple more turns and they'd be able to slip in the door only the Potts sisters used. Hopefully they'd so be busy with the students in town they wouldn't be wandering the greenhouse for a while.
Feeling a little lighter at the possibility before them, she gently pushed him to the left, to avoid a crowd of Ravenclaws and set off down the High street toward the florist shop. If they waited a minute so nobody was paying attention, they could slip down the narrow alleyway next to the shop and down the back toward the bulkhead that led into the back of the greenhouse.
Sloane paused for a moment near the storefront, pretending to look into the window as a group of giggling girls passed by and then ducked into the alley, hoping Cam was following along. Even if he was a few steps behind her, it would work out fine. At the back of the store, the greenhouse began, long and wild, green and lush even through the glass. Just a couple more turns and they'd be able to slip in the door only the Potts sisters used. Hopefully they'd so be busy with the students in town they wouldn't be wandering the greenhouse for a while.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 10, 2020
Cameron followed her, trying his best not to look suspicious as he peeked into the windows of the shops as they passed by. He was so focused on not looking suspicious that he nearly missed her as she ducked into the alley. With one last glance around him he followed her, a smile finding its way to his face as he spotted the greenhouse. This was perfect.
"You're sure nobody's back here?" he said in a low voice, peeking around him cautiously despite the fact that they were completely alone. Being caught once was enough for the year—for a lifetime, really. The last thing he wanted was to draw Calla (or worse, her family) into this.
"You're sure nobody's back here?" he said in a low voice, peeking around him cautiously despite the fact that they were completely alone. Being caught once was enough for the year—for a lifetime, really. The last thing he wanted was to draw Calla (or worse, her family) into this.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 11, 2020
The inside of the greenhouse was almost uncomfortably warm in her cloak and scarf, but Sloane didn't dare get too comfortable as she moved a little ways away from the door. She was fairly confident that nobody else was around. There were only a couple of Potts sisters that worked in the shop and she was certain they would be busy with customers for the time being as students flooded town. Plus this far back part of the greenhouse wasn't really for the flowers and more for the family to work on their projects, as far as Sloane understood. It was probably fine. Probably.
"Yeah I assume so. They don't use this part as much." Carefully she wandered in a little further, away from the glass windows, running her fingers along the leaf of some giant plant that she hoped wasn't going to jump out and bite her. With the other hand she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The last thing she wanted to do was get caught again and despite their detour, she was hesitant to feel that same level of excitement as last time. Sloane didn't want to make the same mistake twice. "Maybe we should just head back out..." She added quietly without looking at him.
"Yeah I assume so. They don't use this part as much." Carefully she wandered in a little further, away from the glass windows, running her fingers along the leaf of some giant plant that she hoped wasn't going to jump out and bite her. With the other hand she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The last thing she wanted to do was get caught again and despite their detour, she was hesitant to feel that same level of excitement as last time. Sloane didn't want to make the same mistake twice. "Maybe we should just head back out..." She added quietly without looking at him.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 11, 2020
Cameron followed closely, not wanting to stay too far behind her in case someone stepped out into the greenhouse. With all the plants and the vines that sprouted from the numerous pots and plants, it almost seemed silly to be afraid. They wouldn't have to worry too much if they could only find a nook that was impossible to stumble across without one of the Potts sisters intentionally seeking it out (which was unlikely). Still, Sloane's hesitance despite being familiar with the place gave him pause—but not for too long.
They were finally alone, with no strangers or random students likely to happen upon them, and yet she was still considering turning back. What better chance did they have? Cameron reached out and took her hand, tugging her in his direction so she'd be forced to face him.
"But we've only just gotten here," he mock-complained once she was looking at him, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. His other hand reached out to rest on her waist, and he looked behind her, seeking a spot—an aisle end, a hidden area behind one of the plants, anything where they might find privacy. "I'm not afraid of the Potts sisters. I'm sure we'd hear them if they were coming," he reasoned, gently nudging her backwards as he stepped forward.
They were finally alone, with no strangers or random students likely to happen upon them, and yet she was still considering turning back. What better chance did they have? Cameron reached out and took her hand, tugging her in his direction so she'd be forced to face him.
"But we've only just gotten here," he mock-complained once she was looking at him, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. His other hand reached out to rest on her waist, and he looked behind her, seeking a spot—an aisle end, a hidden area behind one of the plants, anything where they might find privacy. "I'm not afraid of the Potts sisters. I'm sure we'd hear them if they were coming," he reasoned, gently nudging her backwards as he stepped forward.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 11, 2020
There had to be something wrong with her.
This is what she'd been craving for however long it had been since they'd last been truly alone and she just couldn't shake the feeling like this was a bad idea. Nothing in her stance said she was relaxed or in the moment, even as he tugged her toward him, her first instinct was to resist, though she let it happen.
Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes as she stayed rooted to the spot when he tried to nudge her backward; she just couldn't overcome the fear of getting caught again, even though she knew it was highly unlikely at the moment. The thrill of the sneaking around was already gone and it just left her with a sense of utter dread she couldn't shake.
"I can't—" She managed as she pulled her hand free and brought both up to cover her face in a feeble attempt to hide the oncoming tears. This was ridiculous and she knew it, but what happened if one of the Potts sisters did find them and told Calla? Then would she be down another friend already? She was already miserable, but it could get worse if she let it.
That irrational desire to get out of the situation surged as she ran her hands down her face, panic flooding her system as she fought the urge to run. "This is a bad idea, we should go." She reiterated in an soft whisper, a desperate little plea for him to just listen for once.
This is what she'd been craving for however long it had been since they'd last been truly alone and she just couldn't shake the feeling like this was a bad idea. Nothing in her stance said she was relaxed or in the moment, even as he tugged her toward him, her first instinct was to resist, though she let it happen.
Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes as she stayed rooted to the spot when he tried to nudge her backward; she just couldn't overcome the fear of getting caught again, even though she knew it was highly unlikely at the moment. The thrill of the sneaking around was already gone and it just left her with a sense of utter dread she couldn't shake.
"I can't—" She managed as she pulled her hand free and brought both up to cover her face in a feeble attempt to hide the oncoming tears. This was ridiculous and she knew it, but what happened if one of the Potts sisters did find them and told Calla? Then would she be down another friend already? She was already miserable, but it could get worse if she let it.
That irrational desire to get out of the situation surged as she ran her hands down her face, panic flooding her system as she fought the urge to run. "This is a bad idea, we should go." She reiterated in an soft whisper, a desperate little plea for him to just listen for once.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 11, 2020
Any hope that he could doubts was shattered the moment he realized she was about to cry. The only thing he could think was why? It was a huge and presumably empty greenhouse; it was more private than any place they were likely to find. His brows knitted in frustration and he instinctively gripped her tighter, angling his head down so he could get a better look at her face.
Merlin, her cheeks were red and wet, and moments ago she was ready enough to snog him (or at least he'd thought she was). He felt his chest tighten as a variety of emotions rushed through him—confusion, exasperation, frustration, anger, and finally disappointment. It wouldn't do to snog her when she was begging to leave, but the selfish part of him didn't want to leave. Hogsmeade weekends were only once a month, and they'd already agreed to save their alone time for then! He'd had trouble sleeping last night, the eagerness of today keeping his mind too busy to shut off even as he watched the moon rise and begin to fall through the sky.
"I don't understand," he breathed, a sigh of frustration escaping his lungs as he glanced around. It didn't make any sense. Her reaction didn't make any sense. "We waited all this time because you wanted to be alone. Did you finally decide I'm not worth the trouble?" The words left his lips without him realizing what he was saying, his emotions—including his insecurities, which had been magnified since they'd been caught—bubbling to his surface before logic could take over.
Merlin, her cheeks were red and wet, and moments ago she was ready enough to snog him (or at least he'd thought she was). He felt his chest tighten as a variety of emotions rushed through him—confusion, exasperation, frustration, anger, and finally disappointment. It wouldn't do to snog her when she was begging to leave, but the selfish part of him didn't want to leave. Hogsmeade weekends were only once a month, and they'd already agreed to save their alone time for then! He'd had trouble sleeping last night, the eagerness of today keeping his mind too busy to shut off even as he watched the moon rise and begin to fall through the sky.
"I don't understand," he breathed, a sigh of frustration escaping his lungs as he glanced around. It didn't make any sense. Her reaction didn't make any sense. "We waited all this time because you wanted to be alone. Did you finally decide I'm not worth the trouble?" The words left his lips without him realizing what he was saying, his emotions—including his insecurities, which had been magnified since they'd been caught—bubbling to his surface before logic could take over.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 11, 2020
Merlin she was so bad at this. Couldn't be a good friend, couldn't handle being more than friends, why couldn't she balance this?
She felt the tightening in her chest, his words cutting right through her as she squeezed her eyes tighter against the oncoming flood. Everything felt like it was closing in around her. He was too close, the greenhouse was too hot, this was a bad idea and he just couldn't, or wouldn't see where she was coming from.
"I'm sorry," She sobbed out quietly, heartbreak leaking from each word as she finally broke down, squirming out of his grasp to take a step back. What she was apologizing for and what he'd just said didn't connect and she didn't realize how it might sound to him, but she couldn't get past the buzzing in her own ears or the dizziness she was experiencing. She swayed a little, everything threatening to overcome her. She wanted out but didn't trust herself to move without falling and it had never gotten her very far in the past either.
She felt the tightening in her chest, his words cutting right through her as she squeezed her eyes tighter against the oncoming flood. Everything felt like it was closing in around her. He was too close, the greenhouse was too hot, this was a bad idea and he just couldn't, or wouldn't see where she was coming from.
"I'm sorry," She sobbed out quietly, heartbreak leaking from each word as she finally broke down, squirming out of his grasp to take a step back. What she was apologizing for and what he'd just said didn't connect and she didn't realize how it might sound to him, but she couldn't get past the buzzing in her own ears or the dizziness she was experiencing. She swayed a little, everything threatening to overcome her. She wanted out but didn't trust herself to move without falling and it had never gotten her very far in the past either.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 11, 2020
I'm sorry. It was both a gut punch and the source of endless confusion. She squirmed out his grasp and he let her, his agape and brows raised as he tried to figure out what to say, and how to say it. Was she... ending this? Them? She'd come to her senses, then. He should have known. She made promises, said she would always choose him, but she'd known Sisse longer and probably felt the guilt from hurting her. She'd probably been thinking about this since the beginning of the month: how she would let him down, how she would get out of his grasp the next time they were alone.
Well, she'd managed.
He was determined to be a man, to be tough and strong and everything he should be. It was one of the biggest rules of manliness not to shed a tear, especially not in front of a girl. From his memory father had been a firm man with a steel heart; it was necessary to be a physician and see people die, he remembered being told once. Cameron was not blessed with the same stoicism and apathy. Like Sloane, he wore his heart on his sleeves and struggled to conceal his emotions, even if he could hide the reasons behind them.
The tears spilled over before he could get them under control, and he quickly cocked his head to the side to hide his now puffy eyes.
"Fine," was all he could manage in a strained voice, his throat tight and heart heavy.
Well, she'd managed.
He was determined to be a man, to be tough and strong and everything he should be. It was one of the biggest rules of manliness not to shed a tear, especially not in front of a girl. From his memory father had been a firm man with a steel heart; it was necessary to be a physician and see people die, he remembered being told once. Cameron was not blessed with the same stoicism and apathy. Like Sloane, he wore his heart on his sleeves and struggled to conceal his emotions, even if he could hide the reasons behind them.
The tears spilled over before he could get them under control, and he quickly cocked his head to the side to hide his now puffy eyes.
"Fine," was all he could manage in a strained voice, his throat tight and heart heavy.
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 11, 2020
Nothing about this situation was making any sense.
Sloane knew her reaction was not what he'd been expecting, hell it wasn't something she'd been expecting either, but in that moment the anxiety truly overwhelmed her. Sloane was caught somewhere between the dizziness and the confusion without any clear idea of what was happening. His words didn't make any sense, and she looked up at him with wide, blank eyes.
"Cam, something's wrong," She shook her head, trying to get rid of the fuzziness in her ears when her vision blurred and everything slowed down. She stumbled forward towards him, terrified, too caught up in the frantic fear that overtook her as she fought for consciousness.
Sloane knew her reaction was not what he'd been expecting, hell it wasn't something she'd been expecting either, but in that moment the anxiety truly overwhelmed her. Sloane was caught somewhere between the dizziness and the confusion without any clear idea of what was happening. His words didn't make any sense, and she looked up at him with wide, blank eyes.
"Cam, something's wrong," She shook her head, trying to get rid of the fuzziness in her ears when her vision blurred and everything slowed down. She stumbled forward towards him, terrified, too caught up in the frantic fear that overtook her as she fought for consciousness.
RE: First World Problems - Cameron Gillenwater - October 11, 2020
Be it through his own selfishness or their miscommunication, Cameron had completely missed the signs that something was wrong. The only thing wrong was him, obviously, and his lack of worth as both a friend and a romantic partner. He considered leaving, but he'd never been the one to leave. It was always her who ran first, and him to follow, and he knew that walking away meant that he was the one ending things. He'd always fixed it in the past.
He sniffed and cleared his throat, trying to straighten himself up before he would inevitably turned his head back and try to convince her otherwise, but he didn't have to. Not this time. Not really. The words she spoke next were full of fear, of concern, not like the tearful, regretful ones she'd spoken moments before.
Something's wrong. Something was wrong, he was about to say, but then he really looked at her. Merlin. Something really was wrong—with her. His tears came to a halt and for a moment he didn't worry about his puffy eyes or tear-streaked cheeks. His eyes widened as she stumbled forward, and he held his arms out to catch her.
"Sloane?" he asked, panicked. "Sloane?"
He sniffed and cleared his throat, trying to straighten himself up before he would inevitably turned his head back and try to convince her otherwise, but he didn't have to. Not this time. Not really. The words she spoke next were full of fear, of concern, not like the tearful, regretful ones she'd spoken moments before.
Something's wrong. Something was wrong, he was about to say, but then he really looked at her. Merlin. Something really was wrong—with her. His tears came to a halt and for a moment he didn't worry about his puffy eyes or tear-streaked cheeks. His eyes widened as she stumbled forward, and he held his arms out to catch her.
"Sloane?" he asked, panicked. "Sloane?"
RE: First World Problems - Sloane Bixby - October 11, 2020
Relief flooded her system when she felt her body connect with his, hands gripping his robes tightly as if he was the only lifeline keeping her from drifting away completely. Everything was fuzzy, her hearing, her vision, and her knees buckled beneath her finally. She had to rely on Cam to keep her from falling altogether.
It felt like forever, but it must have been less than a minute when everything starting to right itself. She could feel the fabric beneath her fingers, could feel the warmth of the room on her cheeks, slowly her hearing dulled so that the buzzing was gone. What really allowed her to calm down was the the steady (albeit fast) rhythm of his heartbeat against her cheek. "I'm okay, I think." She breathed out, blinking a few times as the room came back into full focus, holding on tight to him. She made zero effort to move, again relying on him for that at the moment and prayed for the second time today that nobody came back here
It felt like forever, but it must have been less than a minute when everything starting to right itself. She could feel the fabric beneath her fingers, could feel the warmth of the room on her cheeks, slowly her hearing dulled so that the buzzing was gone. What really allowed her to calm down was the the steady (albeit fast) rhythm of his heartbeat against her cheek. "I'm okay, I think." She breathed out, blinking a few times as the room came back into full focus, holding on tight to him. She made zero effort to move, again relying on him for that at the moment and prayed for the second time today that nobody came back here