We bring you this morning a special announcement that time appears to be fully restored to its usual rhythms, as we begin the month of March. In the wake of the widespread disruption caused by an American wizard's illegal time-travels, the "day" that followed yesterday featured lengthened hours - an even forty-eight, at its officially recorded total - and an uncertain pattern of time throughout, with pockets of both unusual speed and extreme slowness.

The sensible among us will have remained securely indoors and used that time wisely, to finish reading a book. Elsewhere, our hospitals have been treating an excessive number of minor injuries, and numerous Ministry departments here and abroad are hard at work with the long-term task of cleaning up MACUSA's messes.

Whilst time appears to have successfully settled, if you are still experiencing any form of continued disturbance, please contact the Ministry immediately. If you have further queries about recent events (an official was overheard saying) please do not contact them, for they are far too busy.