Unfortunately, you don't lose points for being a giant dick.Residence: When not at Hogwarts, he is the ward of his great-uncle Lucius and family. No one ever seems to remember he lives there.
1871 | Kristoffer is born, Orestes' and Elda's first child and first son. Thus begins a childhood of privilege, pampering, and plenty of tantrums to ensure that he is spoilt beyond belief.
1873 | Frida is born. Kristoffer learns he doesn't give a crap about siblings.
1874 | Gretchen is born. Another sister, boo.
1876 | Although Meta looks like more of the same, it soon becomes clear that she is attention-seeking in Kristoffer's own image. Although she has the ability to annoy him exceptionally, he does have high hopes that the little hellion will also turn out to be a good minion.
1877 | The family picks up and moves to Wellingtonshire, Hogsmeade. Six-year-old Kristoffer doesn't much care about the circumstances, but cue a lot of tantrums nonetheless.
1878 | One day the next year someone has so upset him during dinner that Kristoffer magically explodes the gravyboat, coating the walls in gravy. Everyone is just getting over that when Kristoffer decides to upend his plate and pull the tablecloth with it. Now that he realises anger is an excellent trigger of his unbridled magical abilities, Kristoffer has a lot more fun in life, and the household comes to fear the children's tantrums. Between Kris and Meta, the household staff live a nightmare.
1879 | He finally gets a brother, who ought to be more use as Kristoffer's second-in-command, at least when he's not a baby.
1881 | Gross, another sister.
1882 | Kristoffer goes to Hogwarts in September and is sorted - what a shock - into Slytherin. He is already loudly spouting his family's philosophies - purism, classism, etc - but in a way that is more blatant than most, because Kristoffer hasn't mastered social decorum or restraint.
1883 | Aric is born. Kristoffer doesn't give a toss. Gretchen is kidnapped, briefly, with cousin Seneca.
Kristoffer doesn't give a toss.
1884 | The Laughing Plague strikes and takes Aric and their grandmother, Silvia. Orestes murders Elda and presents her as another victim of the plague. Kristoffer... is mostly oblivious, because he's much more emotionally constipated about things that probably should matter than those that don't. He is pretty annoyed that their house burns down though; they move back to London. In his third year, he is picked for the Slytherin quidditch team as a Beater. Secretly, Kris hates flying... but he does very much like hitting bludgers at people, so he makes it work. He also takes Ancient Runes and Divination as electives. The latter is a mistake.
1885 | In March, there is an explosion at the Ministry that claims Orestes' life. Emotionally constipated as he is, Kristoffer is rather disconcerted by the fact that he's an orphan now. Aren't orphans all supposed to be poor, dirty, ugly, worthless types? This doesn't seem right. While his sisters go to live with Priam, Kristoffer becomes Uncle Lucius' ward.
1886 | Hilda is killed by a mountain troll, which barely registers on his radar, to be honest. In fifth year, Kris proves that orphanhood hasn't put a damper on his obnoxiousness, as he becomes Slytherin prefect, and takes this new power responsibility in his stride to terrorize the school and get away with it. He also becomes Slytherin's quidditch captain, because he's just a magnet for power and he obviously deserves to rule the world.
1887 | This summer Kristoffer goes on a fairly odd fieldtrip with Uncle Lucius and Cousin Cassius to a high-class Moroccan brothel. As a happy new family tradition, Kristoffer gets to bang a prostitute and "become a man". Rather than mellow him, if it's even possible, this makes him worse than before, because now he's horny as well as permanently unpleasant.
As boring and disappointing as his sisters have always been, Meta practically betrays Kristoffer personally in September by being sorted into Gryffindor. Gryffindors are the worst.
At least Kristoffer makes up for everything else by still being, by all (????) accounts, the best.
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