May 1st, 1887

I am seventeen today.

The temptation to now use magic inside the house is high, for I can only imagine what Charity’s reaction might be. Does she realize that the law has been the only thing stopping me for these past months? Does she realize the full extent of my capabilities? I should never use magic to harm her—or anyone—but the pranks I might imagine bring me some solace and entertainment.

I head from James today, and from Daffodil, and from a handful of other friends, all wishing me a happy day. Most notable, though, was a letter I received from a former professor, the most pertinent inclusions which I shall detail here:

A former colleague has expressed to me a need for a potions apprentice. I am loathe to relinquish any of my current students as you will surely understand, but I was uncertain of your present circumstances, Miss Grey. If pursuing your talent in potions is something in which you are genuinely intersected, I should be more than happy to make the appropriate introductions.

If he only knew what a gift this offer was to me—a chance to leave this house and its burdens behind!  But it is an offer that I must think on, for what should happen to me if I took it? Would Charity allow me to remain in my childhood home, or expect me to leave? Would I want to remain, or would the temptation of freedom prove too much to bear?

Tonight, I will dream of a world in which I have complete freedom, and tomorrow, I shall mull this over further.

May 3rd, 1887

I dreamt last night that I had left home to become a potioneer after all, only to discover I could not do it and come crawling back to plead for Stepmother’s, well, charity. While I think this would be enough to put off many in my position, it has made me only all the more resolved to go—the Slytherin ambition, I think, is showing through in me.

There are, though, practical matters to be considered. I shall write to my former professor, I think, and ask for answers to certain questions before I commit wholly one way or the other. I owe at least that much to myself and to my future.

May 4th, 1887

In defence of remaining at home:
— To leave home would almost certainly see me destitute, and while Charity has removed many of the comforts from my former life, I have never truly wanted for anything physically
— I might fail anyways

In defence of departure:
— This home is but a shadow of what it once was
— My potential will be squandered if I stay
— Happiness, surely, will be more within my reach if I am making my own path in the world!

May 6th, 1887

I wrote today to the potioneer in question. I am—at least I believe—resolved to do this. Though I know that Professor has seen to much of the formality, I still worry that, now that I’ve made up my mind, I may find this scheme falling apart. I think I shall go for a walk, as one’s worries seem less overpowering in nature.

May 12th, 1887

My trunk is packed.

I cannot believe that I have written that.

My trunk is packed, and I intend to leave tomorrow afternoon, whilst Charity is paying calls. It feels strange to sneak out like a thief in the night, but I shall be bringing some of Papa’s things—Mama’s are already quite mine—and do not wish to have that questioned or prevented. I have written a note to leave with her to prevent her from worrying, but I think in many ways that she will be relieved. While she did ensure my physical well-being, she was never a mother to me nor I daughter to her. This way, she need not pretend any longer.

I have arranged to stay with my master until suitable external lodgings can be found—in the maid’s quarters, for the sake of propriety. I hope not to trespass upon him (or her!) for long, for I have felt like a ‘guest’ at home for years already. At the same time, I am scared, for I have never been on my own in the world, and am not even yet certain what that entails.

I owled James this morning to let him know of my plans and of my change of address, for his return. I know that he will understand that I must do this, but I fear he will feel abandoned all the same. Perhaps during the summer, he shall come visit me. I should like that very much.