Charming
Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Printable Version

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Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018



RE: Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018

5 Tips for Enhancing Your Beauty!
One of the most important assets a woman holds is her appearance. It is very important that one takes good care of it and do their best to make themselves look alluring without resorting to looking like some sort of harlot. The following are tried and true methods of enhancing ones beauty.

Tip #1: Tend to your skin!
A great way to carry your skin elixir around with you is by using a necklace with a hollow pendant. Stylish and discreet!
Your skin is likely one of the first things someone will notice about you and it is important to maintain ones complexion. If you’re too dark you run the risk of looking too exotic and if you are much too pale, one might confuse you for a ghost! A great way to maintain your skins ideal shade and prevent wrinkles is by mixing a trace bit of urine and arsenic into the skin cream of your choice. Ideally, the skin elixir should be applied to your skin nightly but it is good to have a bit with you anywhere for a bit of a touch up, especially if the weather is either especially chilly or hot!

Tip #2: Whiten your teeth!
Teeth that are not white can lend the appearance of being from the lowest echelons of society. A way to prevent that is to whiten your teeth and to maintain its whiteness through the use of potions and regular brushing using a h. The best way to do so is to mix a bit of acid into your tooth cleanser of choice. Any acidic potion should work for this. Be careful not to be too liberal in the acids addition as you could end up losing your tooth entirely.
 Tip #3: Take care of your nails!
It may not seem important but having healthy looking nails could be key in luring in a gentleman! Dirty nails make one seem quite working class. It is important to remember to clean under your nails and to use some sort of stone to buff out your nails. You want them to look shiny and smooth! While it is quite lewd to paint ones nails any color than what nature gave you, there is no harm in enhancing its natural color with a clear nail lacquer. No one ever need know!

Tip #4: Make your hair luxurious!
Beautiful hair is one of the first thing a woman must think of when stepping out into society.
When it comes to washing your hair, be sure to only use soap that is very mild. Be very liberal about applying soap to your hair. Do not be shy about using too much water when it comes to rinsing out the soap! For light hair a vinegar rinse will work wonders for you locks. For darker hair, a black tea rinse will be just as beneficial! Lastly, be sure to brush your hair thoroughly - a hundred strokes spread out is what we recommend! - before bed each night.


Tip #5: Make your lips look kissable!
It is utterly shameful for a woman to allow a man to kiss her before they are wed but that does not mean that one should not maintain their lips natural beauty. A man will not want to marry a woman that they cannot see themselves kissing! Tinted lips are not the way to go unless one is seeking salacious activities. A clear lip balm is the way to go when it comes to adding a bit of natural allure to ones lips.


RE: Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018

Could a Potion Determine The Gender of Your Next Child?
From the earliest days of the humanity, expectant mothers have tried to find ways to predict the gender of their child, some more reliable than others — but what if, instead of merely predicting the gender and then waiting several months to see whether you were correct, you could actually decide to have a boy?

A woman in confinement speculates with a friend — soon an outdated practice?

McGilligan's Home Remedies has pioneered a brew which is purported to do exactly that. This miraculous invention was first released during the summer of 1887, but to surprisingly small fanfare. Sinead McGilligan, owner and lead potioneer at McGilligan's Home Remedies, told our reporters that initially the potion was only made in small batches and sold in a few select locations throughout her home country of Ireland. As the potion grew in popularity, she eventually expanded her operation to include mail-orders throughout the British Isles, and the potion will be available in health and beauty stores nationwide this month.

 The potion can be taken as soon as a woman realized she is with child, according to the manufacturer, and is safe to continue taking throughout pregnancy, though must be started before the last month. The formula tastes a bit "eggy," according to patrons who have successfully used the potion, with an acrid aftertaste.

For best results, regular, healthy doses are recommended. At least once per month should be enough to ensure the proper results, according to McGilligan, but we advise our readers not to be circumspect. Why risk yet another daughter when all that hangs in the balance is the mild inconvenience of a weekly potion?

This bundle of joy in triumphant pink could soon be yours!

At long last, this pioneering potioneer has put the fate of women with regards to one of the least pleasant aspects of marriaeg — the actual conception of children — back into the hands of the women themselves. McGilligan's potion is a step forward for women everywhere, who need no longer labor for years with unhealthy pregnancies or repeatedly produce daughters in pursuit of the family heir.


RE: Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018

Miss Scrimgeour has been generating scandalous rumors nearly non-stop since her graduation from Hogwarts last year, and word on the street is that her family was most displeased! The Fate of (the Late?) Miss Scrimgeour
Our readers will doubtless be familiar with the story of Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour; she has frequently been the subject of conversation for anyone who cares about proper society as she repeatedly demonstrates she has no desire to be a member of said society. After being rescued from Muggle kidnappers at age eleven and reunited with her parents, she spent her Hogwarts years trying (and failing) to learn how to be a lady. After a disappointing debut, she relocated to the home of a more distant relation and severed all hope of a potentially respectable future by pursuing an internship at a hospital.


Annabelle Scrimgeour is the twin to Miss Araminta Scrimgeour.

The exact reason why Miss Scrimgeour began living away from her natal home is unclear — familial strife may have played a role, or she may have wiled her way into the home of a relative in order to enjoy more lax supervision than she would have had otherwise. One thing that is clear, however, is that she is there no longer — Miss Scrimgeour, in fact, is nowhere to be found!

Sources close to the family say that tensions rose dramatically after rumors began circulating earlier this month regarding a purported relationship between Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour and notorious bachelor Reuben Crouch. The two were spotted drinking together during the Celtic Street Fair, implying both a close connection prior to that encounter and rather lax morals on behalf of both parties. This behavior understandably shocked and enraged her parents, as well as wreaking havoc on the reputation of her innocent sister, Miss Araminta Scrimgeour.

There was a series of tense letters exchanged between Miss Scrimgeour and her parents in the days leading up to her arrival, leading to widespread speculation as to what has become of her. One theory is that her father insisted she return home, and Miss Scrimgeour opted to instead run away (although Mr. Reuben Crouch has been seen during the past few days, so if she did run away, it cannot have been to elope!) Another theory circulates around her father Argus Scrimgeour's retirement from the auror department of the Ministry under somewhat suspicious circumstances. Did Mr. Scrimgeour in fact retire at an incredibly young age, or was he asked to leave due to professional misconduct — perhaps an undue use of force?

It is not difficult to believe that a man who was carried away in the pursuit of criminals who had not personally wronged him might be prone to fits of temper when his passions were aroused, as they would doubtless have been by the faults of his wayward daughter. Did something happen to Miss Scrimgeour at the hands of her father? For many, this provides the only reasonable explanation for why the family has not yet contacted the auror department themselves to get law enforcement on the case of the missing girl.

Unfortunately, with the somewhat secretive stance the Scrimgeours have taken, these questions seem likely to remain unanswered until some trace of Miss Scrimgeour is found — perhaps by way of her ghost!


RE: Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018

This week in gossip: the conspiracy to cover up the Minister's involvement in Mr. Dawlish's death continues with the announcement that the investigation has been closed! Heard Around Town!

Miss Zelda Fisk was spotted with Mr. J. Alfred Darrow on multiple occasions in the weeks before his ship set off on their expedition. You don't think Mr. Darrow was being investigated for anything by the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, do you? Maybe that's why he was so quick to go searching for a place that's only rumored to exist.

I heard Podmore Zoological Gardens is looking for new hires, and specifically gingers! Have you seen how many red-headed employees they have there? Miss Una Walsh, Miss Eavan MacKay, Miss Amelia Evans — there's so many of them! Gingers were always said to be on the wild side, but who knew to take it so literally?

Those Bénet twins have gone missing, and I'm convinced it's kidnapping. Auburn hair? Twin girls? Doesn't that sound a whole lot like the the incident that had Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour kidnapped as a baby? Maybe it's the same culprits, but they succeed in getting both this time.

There are people saying that Mr. Lorcan Byrne actually married Miss Magdalena Backus. I don't know who to believe anymore; rumors a few weeks ago said she'd turned him down! Why would he marry her anyways?

Mr. Dawlish's death investigation was closed a few days ago, but there are some people who swear it's a part of a Ministry conspiracy to cover up the Minister's involvement. Especially since the Minister used to be in charge over there.


RE: Issue #177 - The Fate of Miss Scrimgeour - Witch Weekly - April 29, 2018