As the last day of his seventh year came to a close, Basil felt like a long, wonderful chapter in his life was ending. Instead of being excited about a new beginning however, he felt nervous and unsure about what the future would bring. He’d always had a clear aim in school, straightforward ambitions and interests to occupy his time. But now, with all of his security coming to a halt, he wasn’t sure what would come next. What did life have in store for someone hellbent on academia but that was expected to set everything aside, become an idle man of leisure, and take on a wife? All of these things made Basil feel slightly sick inside.

As it was, he’d tried to escape having to face this reality by meandering out onto the grounds one last time. Back at the castle the end of year festivities were well underway, but Basil found he couldn’t face the merriment. Not with so much weighing heavily on his shoulders. Instead, he’d found his way to the cliffs on the very edge of the castle overlooking the black lake. Here he sat, robes growing dusty from the dirt under his rear, as he mulled over whatever came tomorrow.

Basil wasn’t sure what his father would want for him next. He supposed, as the trend went, Father would expect him to start attending more social events. He hadn’t hinted much at his expectations for the second son when Basil had been home last. He seemed content enough, working with Atticus and the estate in Bath and getting them set-up to return there over the summer. (Mama would be pleased. She loved Bath.) But what was his role in all of that? He didn’t have the same responsibilities as Atticus except for maybe continuing to uphold the good Foxwood name. And what did that mean? Marrying, settling down, and having baby Foxwoods? Basil wrinkled his nose at the thought. He wanted to be a father, probably, someday - but it all seemed too soon right now. Not to mention having to pick a wife.

It was no secret that Basil wasn’t one to easily interact with women. Throughout his Hogwarts career he hadn’t made all that many female friends and conversing with the few friendly faces he did know in etiquette class and the like had never proved overwhelmingly successful. (At least that was one subject he was glad to be rid of.) He didn’t know how he was going to manage to carry himself through an entire courtship and then marriage. He supposed he would only accept the terms if he desperately loved the woman. It had to be easier that way, right? Love could conquer even the most awkward. Perhaps then, if she loved him back, it could even be an enjoyable companionship.

Basil sighed. Who was he kidding? There wasn’t a woman in the world who could tolerate him in that way, and frankly - he didn’t know anyone he’d attempt to tolerate either. Lost in these thoughts, the Ravenclaw failed to hear footsteps approaching from behind him.

---

While Gus had enjoyed nearly every moment (there had been some growing pains and maturity he’d rather not remember) during his stint at Hogwarts, he was ready to face the world as one of the newest apprentice Curse Breakers. He’d sent his owl with the job acceptance before the offer  had even registered in his brain - a chance to escape the guise of looking forward to debuts and parties and his mother pushing him to marry and be paid for it? Sign him up.

His mother would disappointed losing her son so soon after graduation but she would understand - Gus had always wanted to travel the world. His father had spun story after story when he and Fig were children, gathering them around the fireplace right before bed to tell them tales of when he was a Curse Breaker. Of course his son would follow in his footsteps. He’d soon find out how many were embellished; the Hufflepuff planned to keep a log of his own journeys to be able to recount his own tales one day. He had dreamt of adventure since he was child and now it was within his grasp; he would be a fool to allow that to slip through his fingers.

He hadn’t told anyone, not even when he’d joined his fellow Hufflepuffs to celebrate their last few days at Hogwarts earlier this morning, nor Fig who had accompanied him to the owlery. It had been Basil he wanted to tell first. Even at seventeen and their relationship still budding, he could tell it was going to be love. Or assumed; he figured wanting to spend every waking moment with him and yearning to be with him when they were in separate dorms meant something. A terrifying thought in itself, but not one that Gus felt the need to push away and bury. But the young Ravenclaw hadn’t been anywhere in the Great Hall, nor anywhere in the familiar haunts of the castle. He couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t received the news he’d wished. (Which might bode well for Gus, but he pushed the selfish thought away.)

He had come upon Basil by sheer accident, wanting to end his Hogwarts journey where it had begun. The Black Lake had seemed massive when he’d come across it as a first year, tiny and scared as he huddled with other first years in the boat, yet here and now, it was nothing more than a lake. Soon he’d set sail across it one last time. Basil was sitting by the edge of the cliff overlooking the water, seeming lost in his own thoughts, so Gus did what he always did: sat down next to him and knocked his shoulders against his. On instinct he reached for his hand.

“If you keep thinking so hard, I think I’ll be able to read your thoughts.” Gus grinned at him, although he kept his head straight to stare at the ripples of the water far below him. “Hard to think this is it.”

---

Basil couldn’t help but jump a little in surprise when a voice drifted over to him in the great alone. He should have known better than to think he could escape the festivities without someone noticing, notably either Nee or Gus. Turning a sad little smile onto his friend, Basil shifted a bit as the other came to sit by him.

“I apologize, I just needed to get out of there,” he replied quietly. Basil didn’t flinch or move away as Augustus bumped shoulders with him; it was easy, friendly. When the other reached for his hand Basil’s cheeks went pink but he allowed it, saying nothing. There was so much in this moment he wanted to hold onto, much as he gripped Gus’ hand. It was like a tether to the here and now. If he let go, everything might float away with that one little gesture: Hogwarts, his friends, his goals and ambition in life.

“It’s so odd isn’t it?” he asked, still staring out over the lake. “How can things just change so dramatically overnight. How is it, that I can be in Wellingtonshire tonight and for the foreseeable future instead of here in my four-poster ever again?” Basil let out a disgruntled breath, frustrated. He hated the idea of… not knowing. Of having no real direction or aim. Of his life not being his own to command.

He hoped one day, soon, he would feel again what it was to be striving towards something he wanted. Something that was his and his alone. But Basil knew the reality of it would likely see him awkwardly dressed to the nines all summer, making frivolous conversation with debutantes who likely couldn’t even transfigure a rat into a teacup! He rubbed a tired hand over his face, hoping to scrub the image away entirely.  He would miss the freedoms academia provided.

---

For a moment Gus remained silent as he stared out at the lake; it was quiet, the water below them too far down to truly hear it lapping against the shores. He loved the water. The words he’d spoken hung heavy in the air, and Gus yearned to be able to flick his wand and will them away. Then he turned to look at Basil, watching him for a moment; he seemed tense, as if the weight of the world rested solely on his shoulders. When the Ravenclaw let out a frustrated breath, he almost felt guilty of springing his news on his friend - they would go from spending a lot of time together to being separated by oceans. Would he visit? Write to him? Better yet, accompany him? Gus swallowed the news, finding it better to gently break it to him.

“You’re always welcome to visit me in Bartonburg for a change of scenery.” The Hufflepuff settled on instead, a grin spreading across his lips. While his neighborhood certainly wasn’t as sprawling as Wellingtonshire, it had its own perks and its own personality. The people were a little more savory and a whole lot more willing to do something for the fun of it. Gus was going to miss it. He still had to purchase a larger trunk and find a place in Egypt before he made the leap, although it was only a matter of weeks. He was eager to start, eager to be on his own for the first time in his life. He hadn’t told Fig yet either, and he chuckled quietly as he imagined his sister and Basil dressed in black, mourning Hogemeade’s loss of his presence.

Gus stretched his legs out in front of him.“What about touring the continent first? Before all the owls fill the Foxwood Manor with letters begging you to work for them.” It wasn’t a secret how smart Basil was, and Gus was proud of him. He was proud of all his accomplishments, and would be proud of whatever career path he chose. He could only hope it was something he could do from anywhere.

---

Snorting a little at his friend’s comment, Basil gave the other a small nudge with his elbow. “I will rather. Mother would be scandalized to hear of the likes of me in Bartonsburg,” he teased lightly. In all truth, unless he was courting someone from the middle class, his parents probably wouldn’t care all too much about his having friends there. But Basil couldn’t help poke and prod at the Hufflepuff a touch. He appreciated the gesture, and likely he would be visiting Gus at any and every given opportunity.

Humming at the next suggestion, Basil shook his head lightly. “I thought about it, but I don’t think a tour is in the cards for me,” he replied, solemnly. “Professor Thompson asked if I wanted to continue assisting him with some research over the summer and beyond and I don’t think I could let go of the last piece of my identity keeping things afloat.” Basil laughed a little self-deprecatingly. “I don’t know what the family has in store for my future, but I doubt working a professional career would be it. I’ll count myself lucky if I’ve not yet been married off in a year with a child on the way.” He snorted again, this time the joke falling rather flat as Basil’s tone quickly dove from jovial to bitter. He was not yet resigned to his fate, even though he knew it was coming. That was the job of the second son wasn’t it? To play their part and keep out of the way.

Releasing Gus’ hand, Basil shifted and leaned back, lacing his hands behind his head, until he was looking up directly at the sky above them. It was annoyingly bright and blue, without a cloud on the horizon. He felt this didn’t quite match his current mood and wished it would grey a little.

“What about you?” he queried. “Will you be taking on a career? You’d be marvelous at it, whatever you choose.” He smiled up at the back of his friend’s head. “And your family would be much more supportive, whatever the case.” So take advantage of it, Basil wanted to add. But that felt rude, even if it was just to Gus.

---

Gus’ face fell at the comment before he could force out a chuckle; the divide between classes had never seemed as vast at Hogwarts as they were in society yet he knew when he stepped out into the world, his status would be much more of an issue. It could be worse - he could be working class, or barely scraping by as middle. Yet, he had little desire to move up. He watched his friends be miserable at the expectations that came with carrying a high class name yet would carry out the duties simply because it was expected of them. They could change the world, yet chose to conform to society. It was frustrating but not his place to say anything; Gus may feel different if he too, was held to higher expectations. He could marry a muggle and his parents, while might initially frown at the notion, would come to accept her. But he would never marry, that much he already knew.

The idea of bedding a woman made his stomach churn; he’d do it once, underperformed to the point neither had enjoyed it, and Gus had decided he’d rather not do it again. His fingers twitched against Basil’s; he didn’t want to think too much about their future, but would the Ravenclaw have him? Surely they couldn’t get married, plus he knew they weren’t there. Yet. 

Instead he turned toward the other and grinned at him as he squeezed his hand. “I wish I could feign shock, but you’re bloody brilliant at transfiguration. I would want to pass my knowledge down to you too if I were Professor Thompson.” And he was; there hadn’t been anybody in their year that had been better at Transfiguration than Basil - it had been the single reason he’d initially sought him out, finding that he needed a little extra help in the submit to obtain the N.E.W.T grade he wished. Gus paused then as his brain tried to catch up at the words.

Then he frowned as Basil snorted. He hated when he spoke of marriage, as if their last few months didn’t, wouldn’t, mean anything to him after Hogwarts. He’d take whatever time he could get it. The Hufflepuff never planned on marrying. “I’ll steal you away from the altar before I allow that to happen.” 

Grinning, Gus jumped to his feet and stretched his arms in the air as Basil released his hand in favor of laying back. He stepped forward toward the edge of the cliff where he then sat, his legs dangling over the edge. He nibbled on his bottom lip. “I… well…” Gus trailed off before huffing a sigh. Why was it so hard? “I’m a Curse Breaker. I sent the owl earlier this morning to accept the position. Da will be proud, following in his footsteps.”

He left out that he had an expiration date; it went without saying anyway. Cursebreakers didn’t work in Hogesmeade.

---

Basil couldn’t help the slight blush that spread across his face at Gus’ compliment. He knew he was gifted, or at least interested in the subject, but brilliant was a bit of a stretch even for him. Still, he appreciated the kudos and accepted it without further comment.

Leaning back and looking up at the sky, the boy waited for his friend’s response. He could only imagine now what fantastic possibilities Lissing was considering. He too was rather gifted at a lot of things and his N.E.W.T scores were nothing to scoff at. Gus could do any and everything he wanted, from being an auror to working in London with the best of them. Basil was mid smile when the bomb dropped and the Ravenclaw jolted half upright onto his elbows. “You’re what?” He blurted.

The shock and surprise came off a bit more dumbstruck than Basil had intended. He could only imagine the stupid look on his own face as he lay there, staring at the back of his friend’s head willing himself to say something, anything, more congratulatory or intelligent. Sitting up the rest of the way, Basil blinked a few times. A curse breaker. Didn’t that mean travel? Didn’t that mean touring the world, never mind the continent, and seeking out dark and potentially life-threatening curses to break? Basil sucked in a small breath and forced himself not to think through the implications just yet.

“T-That’s wonderful!” He forced out. Still sitting there, not moving closer to his friend, he tried again. “I can imagine your father is proud! It will be… very exciting work, that’s for sure.” Even if it means you’re going away. Even if it means I won’t ever see you. Even if it means I could loose you forever. Basil didn’t say any of these things that clouded his mind. Instead, he rubbed his arm awkwardly, glad that Gus had his back turned. “W-when do you start?” He asked, hoping it sounded nonchalant and failing, miserably. 

---

There it was; Gus could hear the disappointment in Basil’s voice and it felt as it it had punched him the gut. He kicked his heels against the edge of the cliff and hummed quietly, as if all the right words would come to him the longer he wanted to respond. So he waited, but nothing burst into his mind, forcing Gus into his own thoughts. He’d talked about it for sure, but he’d talked about a slew of occupations he wouldn’t mind having after graduation. He just wanted something exciting - anything that didn’t involve him sitting behind a desk. Stir crazy didn’t even begin to describe how he’d feel, trapped behind a desk like a caged animal.

But he’d always wanted to travel the world; when he had visited his father as a child it had almost always been in Egypt, and while he loved it there, he wanted to see more. Gus had picked up more books about travel than he cared to admit, committing each and every place he’d ever wanted to visit to a filing cabinet inside his head. The ocean and the peaks of mountains were calling his name. He could hear it every time a wisp of wind tousled his hair. He wanted to meet people and make friends with more than the people London offered. Other cultures made his blood sing. He needed to get out of here, even  if it was just for a blink of the eye.

Gus didn’t turn as Basil stuttered out more words. He frowned though, unsure if the Ravenclaw was unhappy with his decision or him. He might rescind the acceptance if Basil asked it of him. (But would he resent him for forcing him to choose? He knew deep down he would.) Finally Gus stood up from the edge of the cliff, taking one last long look at the lake. He heaved a sigh as he turned around and walked toward the other, where he bunglingly flopped down beside him. Then he stretched his legs out in front of him.

“I leave the day after my birthday, so I suppose we’ll have to do something grand for it.” The Hufflepuff turned toward him and grinned widely before knocking their shoulders together. “Unless you’d come with you? Professor Thompson would allow the research from anywhere, no?”

Gus licked his lips. It was a bold request, but he knew didn’t want to be without Basil. “We could travel the world and just.. be together.” That was the real dream.

---

Basil could tell Gus was nervous, if only because he seemed restless. He kept moving around: sitting then standing, then shuffling and stretching, then sitting again. It was all Basil could do to keep breathing as he felt his nerves begin to fray. He should have figured. He ought to have expected that Lissing would want to stretch his wings and fly. Not everyone was so homebound as he was, Gus had always been more adventurous than most. Basil frowned at the very thought and brushed it aside.

Taking in a deep breath, the Ravenclaw ran a hand through his hair and tugged anxiously on the ends. What was he supposed to say? How could he feign congratulations when it was impossible to rationalize his life without Augustus? Letting out a half incredulous laugh at his friend’s suggestion, he gave the Hufflepuff a sideways glance.

“I can’t.” he replied simply.

Those two words sunk into the silence between them and Basil felt them settle in his gut. For better or worse, he knew they were true.

How fantastic was the idea of leaving everything behind to explore the world with his friend? Basil would have given half a limb to do it, and do it right: without fear, without regret, without… his own personality weighing both of them down. There was nothing about him that screamed ‘whimsical’ or ‘adventurous.’ It just wasn’t in his nature. He couldn’t do that to Lissing. He respected his friend’s dreams too much to be the very thing to hold him back from them. Besides, then he really would have to give up the one thing that kept him sane and Basil knew he wasn’t strong enough for that either.

“I’ll write to you,” he offered, meekly. It was a poor consolation and he knew it. But as the Ravenclaw sat there, both hands now twisted tightly in his lap, he knew it was all the consolation he could offer. They would still be friends after all. And perhaps he could visit sometime, wherever it was in the world Gus landed. Yes, he could visit. At least… for a little while.

---

Those two words made his heart sink - I can’t. He didn’t need an explanation behind it; he couldn’t because society said he couldn’t, and neither of them were rebellious enough to go against it. Gus felt his heart begin to crack yet he managed to keep himself steady as he turned to look at him. He knew Basil wasn’t as adventurous as him, but he was okay with that. He could find exciting things to do around London, even with an occupation that wouldn’t take him around the world. He could work at Gringotts itself, down in the vaults with his father.

So Gus waited for Basil to ask him to stay; deep down, that was all he wanted.

Instead the other offered to write to him; writing had never been his strong suit and he wasn’t sure how often he’d have for correspondence, or how often he’d move without a moment’s notice. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. His heart dropped into his stomach. This couldn’t be it. That was more frightening than anything he would face in the next phase of his life. Gus turned sharply toward the other, his fingers shakily coming to cup his cheeks. Sliding closer to him, he leaned into Basil to rest their foreheads together. “I don’t want to write to you. I want to be with you.”

At seventeen, he wasn’t sure what he knew about love - he’d been infatuated a time or two before, but never had his heart hurt so much at the idea of losing someone. It would be like losing Fig if she suddenly decided she was done being in his life; he loved his sister, but what he felt for Basil was deeper than that. Less familiar. It felt like he was losing a part of himself he hadn’t realized was missing until Basil Foxwood had entered his life.

He knew Basil. He’d become wrapped up in his studies, in his friends and life that thoughts of Gus would lessen until he was just a ghost of his past. Hopefully though, never a regret. That thought frightened him. He sighed softly, before meekly saying, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

---

As Gus turned sharply to face him, Basil’s eyes went a little wide and his shoulders hunched ready to flee. He felt like a doe caught under an explosive light, hooves rooted to the ground. That look didn’t bode well and he immediately wished he could swallow back those words about writing. He should have known that wouldn’t be good enough. Instead of frowning angrily at him though, Gus surprised Basil by pressing their foreheads together. The Ravenclaw relaxed a little at the familiar sensation and he closed his eyes. A sigh hesitated on his lips as Gus reiterated out loud everything Basil was feeling and couldn’t articulate.

He knew. He knew that feeling. Being together was easier than being apart. But eventually they had to go their separate ways; both of them had known that. Their friendship, for as close it was, had been a bit of a whirlwind and Basil had never expected to meet someone in his last year at Hogwarts that would make such an impression. Still, they were only friends and that meant they had their own separate lives to lead with only the vague hope they might stay in contact. Such was true with Nee and even Agrimony (?). Wasn’t that how the adult world worked?

Basil opened his eyes to say some such sensible thing when Gus interrupted him. Startlingly.

Pulling back abruptly, Basil blinked at the Hufflepuff. He couldn’t have heard that right… Gus was falling in love with him? Was that even… possible? Two boys couldn’t… it wasn’t… Heart beginning to race a little in panic, Basil shook his head and pulled further away. “Y-you don’t know what you’re saying,” he accused rather a bit more harshly than he’d intended. “I-I just mean.. it’s not possible, what you’re saying.” He laughed a hollow little laugh, hoping to make light of the situation and failing. “I’ll miss you too, terribly, but you shouldn’t confuse that with something—“ Impossible? Basil hesitated. “Let’s just… not confuse things.” He shook his head unconvincingly and scrambled to stand.

The entirety of Gus’ sentiment didn’t compute for Basil as the boy stood there, trying to put some space between them and comprehend his friend’s meaning. Perhaps this was all just some grand misunderstanding and he was making an ass of himself by reacting in such a way. Basil blushed a bit at the thought. That had to be it though; the two of them couldn’t fall in love. Not really, not in the way one was supposed to love their future wife, right? Right. It just wasn’t done, despite how desperately he wished - perhaps - it could. Basil’s chest heaved painfully as he looked down at his friend’s flaming red hair. And he wished desperately.

---

Basil pulled back abruptly and Gus didn’t fight it, his hands falling back to his side; he watched as the other stuttered out word followed by a hollow laugh that made his own heart heavy. It hurt. He hurt. He could hear the mockery swelling on the tip of Basil’s tongue and he recoiled from it. Basil rashly stood and Gus closed his eyes as he deeply inhaled, wishing he could suck the words back in and erase them from memory. He dropped his chin to his chest. Gus’ eyes burned but he squeezed them tighter.

He wasn’t confused, not about this at least. They had been in a relationship for the past few months, hadn’t they? He briefly wondered if he had been an experiment for Basil before he settled down to marry and have children. Why then, couldn’t he be upfront about it? Maybe then he wouldn’t have fallen so quickly for him - he could have steeled his heart and prepared himself for the inevitable. Basil had always felt like coming home. Gus had known the moment they’d first kissed that no matter where he was in the world, Basil would feel like home.

Sighing softly Gus raised his head up to frown at the other before  running fingers through his hair; it was already wild, his curls sticking up a few directions. “Do not tell me how I feel.” He spoke harshly as he glanced up at the other. “I’m not confused. Not about this at least. I’ve never felt anything clearer.”  Gus wished he could laugh, throw a mockery of something back in Basil’s face, but instead he could only frown at him. His heart and head hurt and all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and forget about the world for the next month; he’d wake up in Egypt and begin his new life with the pain of today already faded into a distant memory.

“I’ll be gone in a month, so you don’t have to worry about me confusing anything about you again.” He spat out, finally moving to stand. Gus brushed the dirt from his robes, refusing to look at him. He couldn't be confused at Basil. He knew that he loved him, and that loving him hurt.

---

Whatever pipe dream Basil had hoped to hold onto by thinking this was all a misunderstanding evaporated at the look that crossed Gus’ face. He watched, breath hitching, as the boy ran a hand through his red curls and spat back at him. Basil reddened again, embarrassed. “N-No, of course not.” He should know better. “I-I didn’t mean to—" to what? Tell Gus how he felt? Even though that’s exactly what he had done. Before Basil could sort that knot out in his mind, Lissing continued speaking and the Ravenclaw felt himself begin to loose control of the situation.

Sucking in a painful breath, Basil tried to force himself steady. He focused clearly on the other’s words and tried to think through them. How could Gus love him? How was it… biologically possible? Everything in the brunette’s scientific, data driven mind rebelled against the idea. He didn’t understand it, couldn’t compute it, and thus - was he destined to reject it? Surely he couldn’t be so close minded. Basil swallowed a lump in his throat; his mouth was dry.

As Gus stood and brushed his robes off, Basil could sense the pinnacle of this discussion coming. It was like a warning, ice and goosebumps raking up and down his spine. He wouldn’t have much of a chance to salvage this if he wasn’t careful. Whatever next words he managed would define them, floating in the chasm that was slowly starting to form. Basil took in a deep breath and tried to steady himself. He needed a minute to think this through but unfortunately it would seem he didn’t have one.

“Lissing—” he tried, but the exasperated noise that came out instead blocked any other words. Basil frowned. “I-I know you think that’s how you feel, but I… I just don’t…” Comprehend? Fathom? Recognize it? Basil let out a frustrated growl. “I just don’t understand!” He burst finally. Hands balling into fists, Basil stepped closer to his friend. “What do you mean you love me? It’s not biologically possible! Besides, even if it was - what do you expect me to do with that information?! You’re leaving!” His voice broke on the last word, and Basil frowned even harder at himself.

The anger was beginning to bubble up inside of him. What did Gus expect him to do with this now that he’d just proclaimed he was off to live his own life trotting the globe? Putting himself in the shoes of a feckless debutante for a minute, Basil could only imagine how heartbreaking it would be to hear one’s love proclaimed and then have the person disappear forever! It wasn’t fair that deep down he might have looked passed the impossibility of it if Gus were to stick around London. They could have tried to navigate… whatever that was, together! Like they did everything else. But, now, it was impossible seeing as Augustus was quite literally hop skipping across the planet!

Basil’s misplaced anger roiled in on itself. Yes, this was exactly what he was angry about and it was just too bad there was nothing that could be done about it!

---

Gus bristled at his nickname; once upon a time he would have smiled, melted that he was extraordinary enough to not only be familiar enough with Basil to be on a first name basis, but something much more special to have a name that no one else called him. Now he wished he could wash it from his mouth. Gus narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him, his teeth gritting together as he tried his best not to interrupt him. He’s already made a fool out of himself. What more could Basil have to say about it?

And there he went again, attempting to push his feelings into a box now because he couldn’t comprehend them. Basil took a step forward and Gus straightened his back but didn’t budge. He wasn’t going to let Basil have the last word on this matter. “Not biologically possible?” He parroted back as he arched an eyebrow, although he could hide the hurt that flickered across his face. “I have a heart and last time I checked I am capable of feeling love, even if you think I’m not. So yes, I love you Basil Foxwood. You don’t love me and you don’t have to be a bloody ass about it!”

His hands balled into first as Gus narrowed his eyes at him. His heart hurt and his head was fuzzy; he’d confessed something and now he was going to lose the person most important to him. It wasn’t fair. He knew it had been a shot in the dark but he had trusted Basil - something he found he regretted. Basil would have dropped him the moment he found a woman he fancied without any consolation of his feelings. He squeezed his eyes shut again, wishing he could apparate away from him. To anywhere. Maybe he’d leave for Egypt early. Like as soon as he stepped off the boat tonight.

Him leaving clearly was an issue, anyway.  Some of his anger deflated as the Hufflepuff sharply exhaled, sending the stray red locks away from his face; he racked his hand through his hair. “I asked you to come with me but that clearly meant nothing anyway. Do me a favor: ask me to stay or don’t bother to write to me at all.”

---

Scrounging up whatever courage he had left, Basil jutted his chin forward as Gus parroted his own words back to him. He hated when the other boy did that; Basil knew he sounded a bit academic but there simply wasn’t an easier way to express what he felt! Even worse, the other completely misconstrued what he’d tried to express. Basil grit his teeth together and prepared to counter-attack.

“I never said you were incapable of love!” He barked. “I only meant that it’s not possible to… to feel that way for us!” Basil felt his anger dip as he tried to articulate what exactly he believed. “It’s not possible to love someone in the way you mean unless it’s a spouse! The love between husband and wife… i-it’s … different!” He didn’t know how or why, it simply was! Overwhelmed, and trying to force out anything to articulate himself better, Basil took a shot in the dark.“It just—!” Isn’t done.

And there it was. Basil’s all-consuming fear laid bare between them.

Blinking, the Ravenclaw realized what it was he’d been about to say and snapped his mouth shut with an audible clack. Was that it? Was that where his opposing argument really lay? In the coffin of the Victorian Era etiquette book, hiding behind the phrase “it simply isn’t done”? That question resonated through Basil’s bones in a way the Ravenclaw was entirely unaccustomed and he realized, he didn’t know the answer.

Gus spoke again before he could process and complete that thought, saving Basil from having to reason with it. The following comment however felt like a slap in the face.

Taken aback, Basil appraised the fiery red-head before him. There wasn’t a hint of relent in those bright blue eyes. “T-That’s not fair…” he replied, shaking his head. Gus could not, would not, force him into an ultimatum. He would never ask his friend to give up a career, a dream, when Basil himself wasn’t allowed to pursue the same. And for what? A speculative nothing that couldn’t happen between them anyway? On the inverse side of the coin, how could Lissing pull away from him so dramatically, terminating all contact between them? There had to be some middle ground!

---

Gus’s lips twitched into a bittersweet smile as he shrugged at him. It simply wasn’t done; men didn’t love men and every etiquette class forced upon him had reinforced that. He knew he was living in sin, would continue to live in sin, and he’d already come to peace with that.  But a book couldn’t dictate to his heart how to feel and how knew that he was in love with the man before him. (Even if the Hufflepuff didn’t want to be at the moment.) He paused, waiting for Basil to finish stuttering out words before he merely shrugged at him before mumbling “I suppose that is why I wasn’t born in the upper class.”

Probably another reason, another excuse why they couldn’t ever work out. Gus felt little desire to keep going round and round on how love was different from a woman’s, although as far as he knew it wasn’t. His heart hammered in his chest and sung love for him; it yearned from him to pick up the pieces and nurse it back to health, so it could beat for him, and only him again.It would take years for Gus to get over him, perhaps another lifetime to learn how to love someone more. The Ravenclaw snapped his mouth shut on his own words and while he made note of it, wondering what he had thought to quiet himself, but Gus hadn’t bothered to ask. Instead he kept talking until Basil shook his head at his words. He didn’t like his ultimatum? Well neither did he.

His anger deflated as he blew a half laugh; he didn’t mean to laugh, but the situation was obscure. If Gus had painted a thousand pictures of how his final day at Hogwarts would be like, it certainly wasn’t this. “What’s not fair is pretending the past few months were a sham.” He answered as he offered another melancholy smile to him. Then he stepped forward, closing the small space between them.

His hand cupped one of Basil’s cheeks before Gus leaned in to press a chaste kiss to it. He stepped away from him a moment later, his hand falling from his cheek. That was it. He’d never get the chance to do that again. His heart hurt. “But I understand. Goodbye, Basil.”

And then he turned to leave, finding there was nothing else to say. He couldn’t force Basil to love him, and he was ready to retreat with his tail between his legs. How much more of a fool could he make of himself today?

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