This was ill-advised, and he knew that he should have just shut up. He'd always been better with touch than with words, and if Melody was going to get any comfort from him tonight it would be through what they were already doing, not through anything he said. That was probably why he'd waited so long to even say her name, trying to convince himself not to say anything at all, but the urge to speak didn't pass. There was the thought in the back of his mind that wouldn't quite let it go: what if this was the last change he had to say it?

"What I said in January," he began, his voice thick as he tried to figure out how to put the sentiment into words. "It wasn't a lie. I know things have been — total shit since then," he admitted, cheeks flushed. "And I know it's mostly my fault. I don't — I don't know what to say about any of that and I know you didn't believe me and there's no reasons why you should. I don't know how to explain it. I know it doesn't make any sense. Sometimes I just — hate the way things are between us, so much. But... sometimes I really do love you." He swallowed, then continued: "And I don't want anything to happen to you, but if something did, that's what I'd tell them. That you were way smarter than me and so beautiful and that you were strong and brave. And that I loved you."

---

It was terribly unfair of Reuben to select the moments where she was most vulnerable to proclaim his feelings. Actions spoke louder than words,.after all, and prior to today he hadn't done anything to encourage her to feel anything but despair for the way things were. She hadn't believed him when he first told her; Melody had wanted to for they were the words she longed to hear from him for years, but things between them were so ... damaged that she knew then it was a ploy. Perhaps there was a layer to truth somewhere far, far beneath the surface, perhaps Reuben genuinely believed the words to be true himself. However, Melody could never forget the look in his eyes when he confessed to wanting out, nor the expression on his face when she caught him after the duel. Reuben would never love her, not in the way he was attempting to share now.

Melody remained speechless for longer than she ought to have, her head dipping back onto the pillow as she fought another onslaught of emotions. She wouldn't — couldn't — say it back to him, for she was no longer sure she loved him. Her love for Reuben was a gnarled, warped tree, so far bent and twisted that no man could explain how it was still standing. Sometimes, she thought she might love him still, but then she remembered how easily he distrusted and disregarded her. Love wasn't in the cards for them, that was just the way it was.

If it wasn't for his last promise, Melody would have simply nodded and tucked her head back into his chest. The reassurance that he wouldn't lead their child into resenting her was the greatest gift she could have hoped for. Their child would have flowery, hopeful dreams of their parents. Her lip trembled with restrained emotion, her hands tensed into white knuckled fists. Even if the worst happened, even if her child grew up motherless, Reuben wouldn't allow his resentment to spoil their child's thoughts.

"Thank you," was all she could manage to say before tucking her head back into his chest to hide her watery eyes. Between them, the baby twisted and turned in her stomach, another hopeful reassurance that things might turn out okay.

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