untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Printable Version
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RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
The expression Noble made may as well have been a sneer, and maybe he was hurting from an old bruise, but that impulse to hurt was still hitting him. "You've never gotten over anything in your life," Noble said. Sending letters to old lovers, making that injured-bird expression when things went wrong, getting angry at his friend for having a child — he wasn't in the mood to play the game of who recovered better with Ford.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
"That's not true," Ford pushed back immediately. He didn't think it was fair for Noble to criticize him for feeling things when externally he still handled things; moping in his room was not the same as stumbling in through the floo drunk before dinner. Even then, he thought he was more or less a poster child for how to move on from setbacks. He'd gotten out of so many of their debts — they still had them, would maybe never be free of them, but he had gotten rid of so many, by making terrible choices like selling the house and moving them here and budgeting with religious fervor for years. He'd become a criminal to keep them from getting further into debt, to bail them out of last season's expenses. He was constantly overcoming things, making the best of things... as most recently evidenced: "I'm a good husband."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Noble made a vague scoffing sound in the back of her throat. "Oh, sure," he said, tone bright underneath the slight slur of the alcohol, "You're a great husband. I bet you tell her all sorts of things about the household, too."
Noble liked Jemima, more than he thought he would — but Jemima and Ford were not partners. They were not married in the way that people ought to be married.
Noble liked Jemima, more than he thought he would — but Jemima and Ford were not partners. They were not married in the way that people ought to be married.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Ford rolled his eyes, because this was a clearly ridiculous thing to say, in his opinion. He loved his sisters, and he'd never told them about their finances. Their father had never told Mama, either, before he died (he thought this and then regretted it; he didn't like the comparison between himself and his father so much). This wasn't something that concerned her, because he had it under control. He'd told Noble because he needed Noble's help; he protected his sisters from it because that was what brothers were supposed to do, and he was being a good husband to Jemima.
He'd been about to launch in with sarcasm, confident Noble's bluster would crumble under a slight push: Oh, is that what you want? Shall we call her down here and we can explain the whole thing, would that make you happier? But as he opened his mouth to respond the thought about their father caught up with him, buzzing around his ears like a gnat. It wouldn't let him go, and it leeched the venom out of him. For a moment he looked wild — panicked and cornered, nowhere to escape the crushing weight of this — then his expression flattened, resolute.
"I'm going to fix this," he said. "With or without your help."
He'd been about to launch in with sarcasm, confident Noble's bluster would crumble under a slight push: Oh, is that what you want? Shall we call her down here and we can explain the whole thing, would that make you happier? But as he opened his mouth to respond the thought about their father caught up with him, buzzing around his ears like a gnat. It wouldn't let him go, and it leeched the venom out of him. For a moment he looked wild — panicked and cornered, nowhere to escape the crushing weight of this — then his expression flattened, resolute.
"I'm going to fix this," he said. "With or without your help."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Noble smiled again, savage. "You won't fix anything," he said, stubborn and sure. They were never going to fix anything — they were both going to drown in this, and the sooner Ford admitted it, the better. Then he could at least join Noble in his resolute anger. "And you know it."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Ford scoffed. He felt shaky, but Noble was wrong — wrong and spiteful and drunk, and if Ford was bruised by his words it was only his own fault for having engaged in the first place. "And you wonder why I shut you out."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Noble sighed. For dramatic effect, he flopped into the nearest chair. But he wasn't ready to surrender, yet — he drummed his fingers against his knee. "You shut me out because you like things easy," Noble accused.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
"I shut you out because you're not the one holding the bag at the end," he snapped. Noble wasn't going to live here forever; he didn't even have to be here now. He wasn't going to be the one trying to figure out how to support children some day when Jemima became a mother. The debts weren't his, they were Ford's inheritance and his burden; he was the one who would someday be buried with them. Noble could leave.
He had been thinking and feeling all of this for a while, but what he said next was something that had only been a half-formed thought until it was verbalized: "You only have to care when you feel like it."
He had been thinking and feeling all of this for a while, but what he said next was something that had only been a half-formed thought until it was verbalized: "You only have to care when you feel like it."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Noble huffed out a breath. He wished he cared less than he did — then he could have accomplished his secret dream, of taking Clem to live somewhere in South Bartonburg where he could do potions and she could do activism and they could both be some sort of happy.
"You don't get charged for the bouquets," Noble broke in, suddenly, a thought that was seemingly disconnected from the rest of it. "The ones for Jemima."
A guess, but — well. He would have bet anything he was right.
"You don't get charged for the bouquets," Noble broke in, suddenly, a thought that was seemingly disconnected from the rest of it. "The ones for Jemima."
A guess, but — well. He would have bet anything he was right.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
From Ford's perspective this seemed to be a complete disconnect from the rest of the conversation, and he was suspicious of it. Was it some kind of shrouded accusation? He considered denying it, but Noble was right, and he sounded like he knew he was right. Ford could have tried to shrug it off and say he didn't remember, but Noble would know that was a lie, because Ford did not simply forget whether or not bills had been paid. So he'd have to admit to it, but what would he be admitting to when he did? It was such an innocuous thing that he didn't understand why Noble was bringing it up. The bouquets didn't cost much, comparatively. They weren't exorbitant, and they didn't come over-frequently, that he knew of.
"I paid for the first one," he said, defensive without knowing what he was defending against.
"I paid for the first one," he said, defensive without knowing what he was defending against.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - December 26, 2024
Noble grinned, with the satisfaction of having been right — he wanted to rub Ford's notice in this, but wasn't sure the best way to do so. How could he best drive his brother crazy?
(Daff would hate this, if she knew. But she would never know, and she would be appalled by this, and maybe it was better the less she felt like she knew Noble.)
"That's what I thought," he said, settling back in the chair as if he had won something.
(Daff would hate this, if she knew. But she would never know, and she would be appalled by this, and maybe it was better the less she felt like she knew Noble.)
"That's what I thought," he said, settling back in the chair as if he had won something.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - December 26, 2024
"The fuck does it matter?" he asked impatiently. Noble was acting as though he'd just moved Ford into check, but Ford wasn't in the mood for stupid games. "They're just flowers."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - January 14, 2025
Noble waved a hand in Ford's direction, lazy. "You think that things just happen to you," he said.
The debts, the burglaries, Jemima, the men — Noble was an expert in feeling sorry for himself, at this point, in feeling guilty, but sometimes he felt as if Ford had too much guilt, or not enough. He wanted to shake his brother by the shoulders, and tell him let me in. He wanted to go back and do some things differently — not just with Daffodil, but with the family, too.
The debts, the burglaries, Jemima, the men — Noble was an expert in feeling sorry for himself, at this point, in feeling guilty, but sometimes he felt as if Ford had too much guilt, or not enough. He wanted to shake his brother by the shoulders, and tell him let me in. He wanted to go back and do some things differently — not just with Daffodil, but with the family, too.
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Fortitude Greengrass - January 14, 2025
Ford didn't understand what Noble was getting at. He felt like he was losing the plot of the argument, which was frustrating because he wasn't out of anger yet — he didn't want to let it fizzle while Noble sprawled incoherently across the chair. It had been a stupid thing to do, picking a fight with his brother while he was drunk, or letting Noble pick one with him, but now that he'd started it he didn't want to let it go without feeling like they'd done something.
"Well they sure haven't been lining up for me," he said, surly but directionless. "I suppose if it was you instead of me you'd have done everything perfectly and it'd all be sorted now."
"Well they sure haven't been lining up for me," he said, surly but directionless. "I suppose if it was you instead of me you'd have done everything perfectly and it'd all be sorted now."
RE: untethering from the parts of me you'd recognize - Noble Greengrass - January 21, 2025
Noble huffed out a breath. "I would have told them," he said, on another irritated exhale. "Instead of taking it all on myself." He had been starkly opposed to this for a while, but now he was increasingly convinced that the stubborn conviction that they should be able to fix it on their own was part of why both he and Ford were so unhappy.