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Something Old, Something New
#1
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February 11th, 1891 — Leisure Sports Club Practice Area
Ever since the blatant divide in their group, Calla had found herself getting quieter and quieter as she struggled to figure out what had happened, what was going on, and what in the world she was supposed to do now. It wasn't so bad when she was one on one with some - or even small groups depending on who it was. It was when the whole group was forced - that was what it was now, forced - together that she stumbled. Even last year's issues between Sloane and Cammie hadn't left her feeling so lopsided. That had been an easy divide (not that she enjoyed choosing) as she'd known Sloane all her life and Cameron for a mere three even if they'd been an important three. Now, even if she could apply the same logic, it wasn't as easy. Not when everything kept shifting under her feet like a boat in a storm. Have to choose between Sloane or Sisse or Alice or even Cameron was like forcing her to choose if she wanted air, water, food, or friends.

When she was with just one person it was easy to pretend like nothing was happening. Well, normally it was. Right now she felt like her stomach was full of butterflies threatening to come out. Or maybe the more accurate picture would be if someone had hit her with a bat-bogey hex. She'd asked Sloane to stay behind after the meeting to talk and now that the meeting was over and she set down the last load of rackets and there was no more chance to drag it out, she forced herself over to where Sloane stood with a small wave.

"We can walk and talk, okay, Bixy?"
@Sloane Bixby


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Lady is utterly amazing!!
#2
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Though she too was getting to the point that avoiding groups of her friends was just easier, but she enjoyed her extracurricular activities too much to give them up just for this. Alice may not feel comfortable just ignoring the awkward, but Sloane was a stubborn little goat and she would.

Maybe she was going to live to regret that thought process. As she helped clean up after their Leisure Sports Club meeting, she realized most people had moved on and it was just her and Calla left. Thankfully it was just Calla. Not that she ever felt particularly at odds with anyone these days, not even Alice if it was just the two of them, but she hadn’t expected her friend’s request. That coupled with the nickname only Calla held onto after all these years, left Sloane feeling this was yet another conversation she wasn’t going to enjoy.

”Sure, sounds good.” She agreed like she had a choice, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and joining her friend for a walk.



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such-a-Sloane-set by Lady!
#3
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Calla followed slowly, biting her lip, for a second content to push her own feelings aside once she realized how her Sloane seemed to feel about her request. Maybe Sloane's hair no longer changed colors with every tell-tail mood change, but you didn't know someone for your whole life to only be able to read something as obvious as hair colors. All she needed was her friend's body language and facial expressions to tell how Calla's request had made her feel. And had she not been bottling her feelings up for the past year and a half, maybe she would have just left it at that and forgoed her own feelings to make her best friend happy but she couldn't.

She's wanted to say this a good way - whatever that was. Spent her past nights going over what she was going to say as she stared into the canopy of her bed. But that wasn't going to work, was it? The only way Calla was ever going to get this out, to push past her natural desire to put everyone else's feelings above her own was if she just spit it out.

"I don't know what is going on Sloane and that is okay, I guess. You don't have to tell me everything that is going on in your life if you don't want to, but I've been hurt by what is going on. I'm not saying that I'm pinning all the blame on you, everyone takes their fair share. I don't think anyone is innocent in this anymore - even me and I don't even have a freaking clue what is going on. But what I'm trying to say is that don't need to shut me out. You know I'd help you no matter what right? Even if you did something bad - not that you did, but well you get the point. Even if all you needed was just for me as a friend to be there." She was silent for a second after her outburst, and she sped up slightly as if not having to look Sloane in the face would make this any better. "But if you want to talk I'm there for that as well."


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Lady is utterly amazing!!
#4
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There is was, the potion had bubbled over and Sloane was left watching, wondering how best to clean up the mess. Everybody seemed to naturally find her at the source of the problem, which was fair, because she was, but it didn't mean she knew how to talk about it any better now than she had a couple months ago.

Calla wasn't an idiot, in fact she was incredibly intuitive, which is probably how she landed in Hufflepuff when the rest of them were squarely in Gryffindor, but that didn't prepare Sloane for this conversation anymore than it had Calla, or so she assumed. Sighing softly, Sloane summoned her wits for this answer, trying to put her thoughts into a coherent order so that she might try and explain.

"Honestly, Cal, I don't know what's going on anymore either. But I can tell you it's my fault and I'm sorry about that." She would never not take the blame for this division among their friends. "I am so sorry, I can't explain and I'm sorry that it's causing everyone else distress, but it's no longer just my mess." No, it was a tangled web that involved Sisse and Alice, and Cam of course, but she refused to pull anyone else any further into the mess. "It'  has nothing to do with you and I wish I could tell you, I really do. I know you'd help if you could, but just know I'm trying to fix it." Well, Cam was going to have to do some of the heavy lifting this time, but she was the one who had to convince him to try.



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such-a-Sloane-set by Lady!
#5
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Maybe avoiding looking at Sloane wasn't the best answer. Well, it was certainly the easiest answer but that didn't necessarily mean it was the right answer. Not quite sure what to do with herself, she slowed her pace back down to where she fell in line with Sloane again. Maybe it was a good thing she had suggested that they walked as they talk, if she didn't have some sort of physical outlet to focus on as Sloane spoke Calla wasn't sure she'd be able to not fidget.

"Even without knowing what is going on, I don't think it is one person's fault. Now or at the beginning. We've all reacted poorly and let it drag out far longer than it needs to. I should've said something ages ago - and not just to you, really. Sisse, Alice, and Cam as well." Her words weren't as fast now, the panic subsiding now that the initial push was over.

"I know I don't handle my own feelings well. I let everything brew until I just can't take it anymore. I should've tried to help earlier rather than think it might just blow over. You might not have been there for me but I haven't really let you be there either, not really. I was so insecure in myself that instead of talking to you guys I choose the easy path of pretending nothing was happening and running away when it all got bad. I'm sorry about that."

"But, Bixy, sometimes you think you can handle things yourself but you just bit off more than you can chew. Momma likes to tell me that. That it is okay to ask for help and that you don't have to solve everything yourself. But I don't think anyone can force you to ask for help, it is something you have to do for yourself. And if you decided you want help, I'm going to try and help, even if you won't tell me. I don't have a right to know just because we are friends. That is a privilege you have every right to choose."

"But there are things I can do without knowing. I can try and help smooth things out with everyone. Someone to be impartial. I can talk to everyone else and try and arrange something. Maybe I can talk to Cam. I know he is involved in this as well and well, Cameron can be a hot-headed jerk sometimes - pardon my language. Maybe an outside voice will help."

"And whatever else you ask me to do - from listening and being a support to something more physical. Because I really think all of us, we make great friends and I really don't want to let that slip away. I don't think anyone wants that. Somethings are going to change. We can't erase what happened, but I hope we can move forwards."


She stopped talking, waiting unsure for Sloane's reaction but also wanted to stop talking. Even to her own ears, she sounded desperate. She'd tried to be logical and not let her overwhelming urge to try and fix things get involved but it had. "I can also just shut up if you want that as well?"


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Lady is utterly amazing!!
#6
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Sloane had not anticipated the monologue that came spilling out of Calla after the first initial comment. Sloane hadn't anticipated things were quite this bad. It was a lot to process.

It took Sloane a minute to process through some of what Calla said, some parts were frustrating and some were a relief. That Calla thought she didn't have a right to know simply because they were friends was what started this whole fiasco and Sloane was glad to know at least one of her friends felt that way. On the other hand, she wasn't so sure Calla getting in the middle was going to help anything.

"I appreciate you being honest with me and I'm sorry I can't elaborate, but I also think if someone else tries to get in the middle at this point, it's going to blow up and blow up big." Sloane was already in the middle of it and she hated it, stuck between Cam and Alice. Which again, was her fault and so she would deal with it, but too many cooks in the kitchen and all that. Talking to Alice hadn't worked, now she had to talk to Cam.

"I know you want to help, but I don't know what good it's going to do." Sloane really wished she could just tell Calla what was happening, but it was no longer her secret to tell. Just because Cam and Alice had told her what happened didn't give her the right to tell anyone else. "It's not that I don't want you to help, I just think too many people trying to solve it will make it worse. I can handle it, but I'll let you know if something changes." Maybe if she couldn't get through to Cam, Calla could try.



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such-a-Sloane-set by Lady!
#7
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A deep dark part of her wanted to tell Sloane that she just wanted it to blow up. Calla was just so tired of being suspended in this land of in-betweens. While her friend group falling apart wasn't something she wanted, at least point, that seemed better than having everyone walking around on tiptoes. After months of dancing around, she just wanted everything to end one way or the other. Her inability to fix the fractures growing around her just made her feel like she was a failure.

Sloane telling her that there was nothing she could do to help felt like just another nail in the coffin and she straightened her shoulders back and plastered on a smile, hoping the mask was enough to fool Sloane that she was content to leave things be. Maybe if she was as brave and courageous as her Gryffindor friends, she wouldn't be willing to shove her own feelings aside, but for now, that was all she could bring herself to do. She was already out of her comfort zone having confronted Sloane on how she felt in the first place.

"Okay, Bixy," Calla stated, looking now towards the castle so she didn't have to look Sloane in the face. At the very least, she was sure even if Sloane didn't believe her, Calla doubted the other girl would push the subject, not when she avoided it like the plague. "Thank you for listening."


[Image: rerGI6.jpg]
Lady is utterly amazing!!


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