Issue #210 - Love Is In The Air: Predicted Matches For 1889
February 10, 2019 – 3:25 PM
The Original Fake News
February 10, 2019 – 3:26 PM
The Original Fake News
| A Belated Betrothal: The Skeletons in Warwick Nott's Closet | |
| Many in society were surprised to hear of the Nott family's recent decision to betroth Warwick Nott, oldest son and heir, to a girl from the Lukeson family, particularly given the former's age (32 years) and the fact that his bride-to-be has not yet debuted. While the age gap is hardly unusual, the decision to make an arrangement so late in the groom's life is. Some speculated that Nott's parents, Cassian and Aurora, were anxious to affect a marriage for their heir as soon as possible. His oldest sister, Carina Bulstrode nee Nott, has been married over a decade already. If that were the case, however, why not choose one of the many debutantes that have already debuted and as yet have no significant marriage prospects? Our sources have discovered the truth. Warwick Nott has been looking for a wife on his own accord for years, but he may have fallen for a woman of an inappropriate background. We don't know exactly who, but his aloof air around other eligible young ladies tells a clear story. Upon bringing the match to his parents, they expressed their disapproval and took matters into their own hands by betrothing him to Avril Lukeson. |
But why the delay? The match will not be able to be firmed up until following the girl's debut, which should happen this summer. What would the family benefit from waiting a few months? What could Warwick Nott need to do this spring? The answer is obvious to anyone with a bit of imagination; his first love must be pregnant. The delay in the wedding with allow him to make arrangements for his unfortunate would-have-been bride and for the child before committing himself to Miss Lukeson. Be on the look-out, readers, for any new "cousins" or wards popping up in the Nott extended family over the next few months. If one does arrive, you'll know where it came from! Anyone with information as to the identity of Warwick Nott's first romance is encouraged to contact Witch Weekly so that we can further uncover this scandal for the benefit of our readers. |
February 10, 2019 – 3:26 PM
The Original Fake News
Young lady of honest hardworking nature and family seeks mutually beneficial arrangement of affection and companionship with a view to marriage. Young man must be of good family, kind and honest disposition and in a position to marry. Red haired gentleman seeking wife. Should be found of travel and big on family. Ideally no older than twenty and of good reputation. Widower and father of comfortable means in need of a companion whose sweetness of disposition and kind heart will lend herself to being his lifelong companion. Intellect and generous spirit are a must. She need not be unfamiliar with marriage or motherhood. |
Young lady of beauty and wit searching for a handsome gentleman of a certain seniority to wed. Must be kind and fond of poetry. Dashing quidditch aficionado is at last ready to settle down—could you be the one to seek out his heart? Must be sensible, fashionable, and with a good sense of fun. Ladies of ill reputation or poor manners need not apply. A young woman of one-and-twenty years of age seeking a gentleman for a companionship marriage. The ideal gentleman would be academically-inclined; not at all predisposed towards romance, as the woman in question |
is decidedly not; and of a mature age where he is emotionally prepared to support a wife with ambitions—and a career—of her own. Seeking fellow pureblood of similar values. A man of respectable and wealthy family. Must be an established man of the work place and society. Well known Hogsemeade figure decides it's time to find a wife. A gentle woman with a kind, caring, and nurturing demeanor is most sought after. Quick on her feet and able to tackle life with fervor and fearlessness a must. |
| Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly. | ||
February 10, 2019 – 3:26 PM
The Original Fake News
| Love Is In The Air: Predicted Matches For 1889 1) Mr. Percival Aldard Jr. and Miss Elsie Beauregard Witnessed being friendly in public on numerous occasions, it wouldn't surprise us if Miss Elsie Beauregard became Mrs. Elsie Aldard before the year is out! If you can't take our word for it, just look at the stars: Tauruses and Cancers are said to make excellent pairs with their shared desires for affection and emotional intimacy! 2) Mr. Finlay Connolly and Miss Thistle Potts While neither the Connolly nor the Potts family are obviously eccentric, neither family abides strictly by tradition. Fortunately, Mr. Connolly, a Potion & Plant Poisoning Healer, and Miss Potts, a florist, could bond over their shared love of herbology without fear of embarrassing one another with their family's refusal to follow society's conventions. 3) Professor Hamish Darrow & Professor Elosie Belby One of the newest additions to Hogwarts' staff, Mrs. Elosie Belby was divorced and abandoned by her husband when he was turned into a werewolf, leaving her to fend for their children on her own. Years later, she holds the post as Hogwarts' Astronomy professor—and without a doubt could do with a husband once more! Mr. Hamish Darrow, a twice-widowed professor of Hogwarts, is said to be open to the prospect of taking another wife, and could provide companionship to Mrs. Belby and a fatherly figure for her two young children. 4) Mr. Richard Gladstone & Miss Regina Lacey Nearly a decade apart in age and both from decent, wealthy families, Mr. Richard Gladstone and Miss Regina Lacey would, in our opinion, make a wonderful pair! Seen together on a handful of occasions in high spirits, it's not a stretch to assume they're already fond of each other's company. |
 Mr. Hamish Darrow Mrs. Eloise Belby |
February 10, 2019 – 3:27 PM
The Original Fake News
| Who Your Valentine Should Be, According to the Stars! | |
| Aries: As an Aries, you’re likely to have quite the magnetic personality so your options should truthfully be endless. However, a match with an Aquarius is bound to be your best option. You’ll both share the same high spirit persona and liveliness so life should never be dull again. And though a Leo could prove to mirror an Aries’ own stubborn attitude, a rather perfect harmony can found between the two signs so are also a promising pair. Taurus: Though you may be viewed as stubborn, it is often mistaken as such due to a strong determination. A Capricorn match would do well as they tend to have a similar realistic approach to life and are just as grounded as a Taurus. Cancer also tends to appreciate the calm and grounded attributes of a Taurus and would result in a rather harmonious paring. Gemini: The social and outgoing Gemini could very well have their pick of the other signs. Libras, however, tend to be on the same wavelength when it comes to society activities and would do well with the equally energetic Gemini. And despite being viewed as flighty, a Gemini can actually be rather intellectual and would pair well with the intellectual Aquarius.  Hudson Woodcroft, Timothy Ainsworth, August Echelon-Arnost Cancer: Despite being notorious for attention seeking and even jealousy, Cancers are very passionate individuals. A Scorpio is perhaps the best match as both signs feel strongly about their passions and are equally emotional, goals will likely be very similar and easily conquered together. And though a Virgo may need to set aside their more practical approach to life to give away to a Cancer’s emotional aspects, the level of devotion between the two signs is one of the strongest. Leo: A Leo may be demanding but they are quite the passionate individual. An independent minded Aries may match a Leo quite well though could potentially create an awkward moment or two with crude behavior. A Sagittarius, however, could bring out the best aspects of a Leo, creating a generous warmth and magnetism between the two of them. Virgo: The practical and down to Earth Virgo appreciates a similar outlook on life. A Taurus views life similarly and will give continual support and nurturing to the Virgo in their life. The practical approach to life is shared with a Capricorn and could form a strong bond so long as an understanding for a Virgo’s preference to excel by talent and Capricorn’s strategy development can be reached.  Aldous Crouch, Konstantin Fisk, Sydney Podmore |
 Elias Grimstone, Edmund Grimm, Julius Scrimgeour Libra: The peaceful harmony and wit of a Libra is highly sought after in a relationship. A witty and intellectual Gemini would share in Libra’s enjoyment of social interactions and conversations. But pairing with a Sagittarius could be a fairy tale ending as a Libra would support all of their dreams and visions. Scorpio: A compassionate and loyal Scorpio is a partner one can always count on. If a Scorpio should consider a Cancer a special person in their live, the loyalty and compassion will surely be shared and create a rather intense bond. However, shared qualities of sensitivity and compassion with a Pisces would result in a healthy relationship between the two Sun signs. Sagittarius: A Sagittarius can be known for getting bored so needs a bit of fire and excitement in their match. A creative Sagittarius can bring out an interesting tone in a match with a Leo and bring out the best of the latter and prove a fun challenge for the former. But a match with an Aries will be a match of excitement and exuberance and could lead to quite the life so long as conflict can be avoided.  Richard Gladstone, Zachariah Binns, Albert Pettigrew Capricorn: Capricorns are a get to the point with no fuss types but relationships are rarely anything but long term. A Taurus with a realistic approach to life would be a good partner to a Capricorn as the two would have a strong support for one another to accomplish any goals set before them. A Virgo match would produce similar results as both signs tend to set up specific strategies and plans when it comes to achieving success. Aquarius: An independent Aquarius is one that appreciates freedoms in life so any match must be willing to accept such. Though a Gemini is quite different from an Aquarius in many ways, both share an intellectual side and help to balance one another well. An equally independent minded Aries would also do well so that both sides can indulge in their own independence from time to time. Pisces: The Pisces can be a bit emotional but are actually quite intuitive and are known for following their instincts. A Cancer shares similar attributes and has a good chance of bonding over a shared love of music and other forms of art. A Scorpio, another Water sign, has a great chance of coming together well with shared sensitivities and emotions. |
February 10, 2019 – 3:27 PM
The Original Fake News
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