September 18, 1889

Dearest Journal,

The only thing that can dampen this morning is the letters I received from my cousins. I have not yet had one from mother, but all three of my cousins implored me to reverse this. Even Bella, who I had thought would understand better than any one. How can I go back when I now know my heart? When I now know true happiness? I can not. Even with the news that Ace gave me before our wedding, I can not see him as anything but the kind man I have fallen in love with. We will prove them all wrong, we will be happy with our lot in life for I do not believe either of us could live with the alternative.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 21, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I wrote to all my cousins to inform them that I shall not be changing my mind. I gently rebuked their notions and wished them the best. It appears, at least with Julius, that I have been able to sway him to my views. His letter came as a double edged sword, kindly accepting my actions as I was bared from seeing him. Of course, I understand and expected this, but it still keenly stings.

On the bright side Ace’s family’s letters have been much more accepting of our union. I had not expected such kindness from them, but as they raised my Ace I suppose I should have expected this. Ace’s kindness is one of the things I love most about him.

Just yesterday we went to a small lake near here and he and I spent the afternoon on the shore with a picnic lunch. He was the most gentle and attentive that I can not see how I might have survived this life without him in it before now.

Lucille.

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 24, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I have received the worst news. Mother’s illness has worsened and the doctor does not believe she will make it to see another day. Ace has gone out on an errand and I am anxiously awaiting his return. I have already set the servants packing but as there is nothing left to do I find that I must confide in someone. I only hope we are in time.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 25, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I can hardly believe the words I am about to write. Mother has died. The words seem no less harsh upon the page than they did in my ears. There is no softer way to break the news for each phrase seems as harsh and ugly to me. I can hardly believe that she is no more, but I held her hand, I stroked her brow, and no life remained. She had passed on to the Lord’s domain before we had even arrived home.

There is nothing between this devastation and the thought that I am the one to blame. I knew she was ill, knew that she felt the end was near, but I did not believe her. I may have thought I did, but in truth my understanding was but that of a naive daughter who could not believe her mother might ever leave her. Had Ace and I not run away, had we stopped for a moment and tried to reason with her. To call off my engagement and create one of our own, she might still be with us, but we did not. I can only reason that I, therefore, am the cause of this.

How I wish she were still here. How I wanted her to look upon Ace, to see our happiness and our reasons. I wished her to see her grandchildren, to hold them in her arms and smile at them. But now that future will never be. I do not even have a letter from her since my marriage, all I am left with are questions and guilt.

Ace has been my rock through all this. How can I burden him with these thoughts, this guilt I feel? I can not. All I can do is try to continue on, to take strength in his comfort and his love.

Requiescant in pace.

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 26, 1889

Dearest Journal,

Preparations for the funeral have been made. After the service Ace and I shall move to the Lukeson home in London. I shall welcome the change for I can not bear to look upon this house for one more moment than I must. It is as if it is a home of someone other than myself. Another girl lived here, her name was Lucille Flint. I am not that girl. I can hardly believe I ever was.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 27, 1889

Dearest Journal,

We leave today for our new home, our new life. I feel guilty looking forward to it with all that has happened. Yet it is the truth. I am tried of dwelling in the past, a shroud of sorrow surrounding me. I shall be happy to find it lifted in favor of our life together instead of the shadows of our past.

I stopped in mother’s rooms one last time last night. It was almost as if she were there with me. Her brush where she always leaves it on the table, her smelling salts and perfumes precisely as she left them. There was even a letter open on her desk. I did not recognize the handwriting but the contents soon revealed the nature of it. Just to think on it I am furious. It appears Mr. Lecuyer has had his vengeance. With mother’s nerves and ill health I can do nothing but blame him for mother’s death. While I played my part in it, it was Mr. Lecuyer who took her last breathe, her very will to live. His anger was understandable, but it should have been directed at myself not at mother. I do not know how I shall forgive him, but perhaps in time I shall find forgiveness for my own actions.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 28, 1889

Dearest Journal,

The Lukeson home is so different than our manor. While quiet it does not seem to have the same air of stuffiness that I always felt the manor had. The servants chatter cheerfully when going about their tasks instead of simply trying to appear as if they don’t exist. I find it is all quite refreshing.

My new mother in law, Mrs. Lukeson, is kind. I see a bit of Ace in her. But I suppose I had expected someone les… awkward. It is as if she does not know what to make of me or how to hold a conversation. I worry of mentioning this to Ace as I know the lady has been through much, but I shall hope it is only because this is our first meeting in our respective new roles.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

September 30, 1889

Dearest Journal,

Ace has returned to work today. It is the first of many such days in our life together and I wish for it to be perfect for him. However I find that I feel sorely out of place without him by my side.

I had thought when I married I would be the sole mistress of the house. For so long I was mistress when mother was ill, but she was mistress in name. Here I find that I am not the mistress at all. I almost feel as if a guest here. Where at home I would not heistate to plan a supper for Ace’s return this evening, here I find myself wondering if Mrs. Lukeson will feel I am stepping on her toes?

I shall have to think of something to mark this occasion for him just the two of us.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 1, 1889

Dearest Journal,

Despite my original hesitations, I decided to plan a supper last night. Perhaps not in the same manner I had originally intended, but I still felt some degree of disquiet in such plans. I asked the staff to bring supper to my room, requesting dishes that Ace and I had on our honeymoon. I suspect that Mrs. Lukeson may have regretted our presence at supper last night, but I wanted an occasion just for the two of us, something to mark this new chapter of our lives.

I had my maid help me set up my room for a picnic. Even laying down a blanket and scattering pillows much like the picnic we took next to the lake in Italy. I like to image it even had the allure of a dinner in the ottoman empire. I sent the staff to find fresh flowers for the vases so we could be reminded of our afternoon by the lake. By the time Ace arrived home I was quite happy with how the whole scene was laid before him.

Ace seemed to enjoy the gesture as well as we were hardly halfway through our meal when we abandoned any pretense of actually eating.

I do hope Mrs. Lukeson will forgive our absence at the evening meal. I shall have to make sure to be extra nice to her today.

-Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 2, 1889

Dearest Journal,

What, precisely, am I supposed to do with my time? Without Ace at home I feel my days are far too empty of activities. No longer do I have balls and soirees to plan for. Nor invitations to teas or fern hunting parties to fill my days. Because of mother I am not permitted social calls, nor do I suspect that I would have many if this were not the case. But not even dearest Helga or Nora brave a visit or even a letter. I admit, I do feel lonely when Ace is not here. I do not know what to do, or who to speak to. What are the duties I may occupy myself with as wife while I live at someone else’s home?

I shall have to find something to occupy my time beyond my confidences to you. At home I might have gone riding or shopping or even planned a tea, all of these things I am sure if I could do. Perhaps not a tea as I am not fool enough to think someone might actually accept my invitation, nor do I believe it appropriate so soon after mother’s passing. But I could go riding, I suppose, or perhaps shopping is more feasible. I hardly doubt the club is an option right now, either. London is so different than the countryside, but surely there must be more to do than simply shop? Surely the countryside must have some beautiful sights if I wished to ride? But then it is also the Lukeson home and I am not the mistress of it. I shall have to content myself with making myself as little an inconvenience as possible.

Perhaps I shall have to shop for a few books to entertain myself with, as right now my dearest friend (besides you) is my needle and thread when Ace is away.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 3, 1889

Dearest journal,

How I detest black. I should not complain as it is honoring mother. But it only serves to bring out my horrid freckles and set my hair at the oddest lighting. There are some women who mourning seems only to emphasise their beauty, the stark contrast doing wonders for their complexions. I am not one of those women. I am sure that Ace must see such shortcomings in my appearance when I look at my reflect in the mirror. I can hardly be a wife he prides himself on having garbed in such colors.

Perhaps I should order a few more dresses in different styles I shall hate it less? I doubt it would do much to make me feel better about the color, but with little else to do I suppose it would at least take time off my hands.

It is a shame, while I am admitting shameful things, that my dresses from my trousseau shall be out of style by the time I am no longer in mourning. They were such pretty things and I was so very excited to show them to Ace. I should be economical and have them died, but they are so beautiful that I can not bring myself to do so. I shall have to hope that they might still be in style next Season when I am out of mourning. Perhaps with a little altering then they might still be in fashion. Then all might not be lost.

I wish Ace could see me in something more beautiful. I find myself afraid to ask him his opinion, worried that his affections might wane the same way my coloring has at the very sight of black silk. Then again, Ace’s family has worn almost nothing but black, I suppose if anyone were to still see some form of my prettiness it would be my husband. I know he loves me for more than my looks, but I did so wish to let him see more of me than the shadow I feel I’ve become since donning these mourning gowns.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 4, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I ventured into town yesterday. I suppose that is odd to say, seeing as I now live in town. Perhaps a better way to state it is that I went to Diagon Alley to purchase some books today. I must have spent hours pouring over different novels. You know how I enjoy a good story of romance. I had thought that with my own romance these would tickle my fancy. Yet each book I cracked open hardly held my attention, even Miss Isolde Bennet’s newest work did nothing to hold my attention, and you, my dear friend, are well aware of my enjoyment of her works. Hardly knowing what else to do I bought several, including Miss Bennet’s book, and brought them home. But once home they hardly kept my attention!

I have never known a story to not capture my attention on a dull day, but as I sat in my room waiting for Ace to return I found that they did not. Each story seemed pale and lifeless compared to what my dear husband and I share. I found myself disappointed with each suitor presented in the early pages of the book as Ace would have done something so much more charming than what they did. I must have started three books yesterday all to the same affect. Perhaps if I read further into them they may yet hold more promise. Or perhaps I simply did not choose these books wisely. I shall have to continue to pursue them in hopes that they may alleviate my doldrums.

When Ace gets home I may see if he has any suggestions, or perhaps Mrs. Lukeson might know a book that I would like. The Lukeson House does have a library, that may yet hold more options for me than the bookstore. Afterall I feel as if I’ve read half the stories on the shelves of such stores since I graduated from Hogwarts. I suppose I’ve never quite gotten use to the downtime that no longer having lessons has given me. I wonder if that will go away with time.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 5, 1889

Dearest Journal,

Mother’s solicitor came to call this morning. He had spoken briefly with me prior to mother’s funeral and our departure for London, but had mentioned nothing of the particulars of mother’s will. I have long known that I am the sole recipient of my father’s lands and fortunes, but I had not known to what extent. Mr. Hughes was kind enough to explain that at the time of my marriage I was to be allotted a significant sum toward my inheritance that would be given to me annually as income. A rather generous income at that, he assured me. However, with mother’s death the entirety of the Flint Estate and properties have been left in my hands. Mother’s will specified that I was to inherit, not my husband - something that father’s will stipulated. There is a lot more legal minutia that I did not quite understand, but Mr. Hughes was very patient with me.

It appears that Ace and I shall live on a generous income and that the investments of my parents have turned out well. Our properties have been untouched and now lie in the sole control of myself. I admit this all seems rather terrifying. I know mother ensured my lessons covered such things, but now that it has come to pass it is all rather unnerving.

Among the holdings Mr. Hughes laid out for myself he noted the London House. I remember it from my youth, but mother rarely enjoyed the London season prior to the muggles discovery of our kind and as such it was no great heartache for her to remain at home. I had forgotten we even had such a house. I suppose I should look into the possibility of reopening the home, seeing what condition it might be in. Perhaps it should be a good place for Ace and myself to call home? That may be wishful thinking. I long for a place of our own, and I dread returning to the estate, but there are duties awaiting me there. For the time being Ace appears to believe his mother needs us to remain at the Lukeson house.

It should be good information, however, if I were to visit the London House. If not for us, then perhaps to see if it ought to be sold.

I shall have much to discuss with Ace when he returns home, I know he is much more aware of such things than I myself am.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 6, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I thought I understood when Bella lived with us why she hated Witch Weekly. I understood the gossip the pages whispered of my dear cousin, and knew these rumors to be false. But still I read the magazine, enjoying what was said and keeping up with it. I did not truly understand why Bella disliked it. I can not longer enjoy that same ignorance. It is selfish and a shame that it took me this long to recognize the hurt and damage the words of such a publication could produce. Only when it directed its slanderous words at myself do I feel any real anger, rather than affecting some degree of disapproval for Bella’s sake toward Witch Weekly.

What is to make this worse is I did not even realize the hurtful words until now. The publication came out at the end of September and with depth of my feelings toward mother and my husband, I hardly had a moment to consider what I might be missing. I knew something of my actions would be highlighted, but I had hoped not to see the gossip myself. Am I foolish for thinking this?

Even worse than my ignorance on the subject of the slander against me is the claims Witch Weekly has reported. No only does it suggest such odious claims about my behavior and engagement, but it does my dear Ace no credit. If only people could see who Ace really is instead of his complete trash written among the pages of Witch Weekly. It is no wonder that nobody has written to me, in light of this I can hardly blame them for avoiding me.

I wish I could talk to someone about this though, Nora, or Helga, or Bella. But those days are gone. I can not even confide in Ace for I do not wish him to know what the publication had to say of himself. The only recourse I can think is to live our lives as happily as possible and to prove the writer of such odious material wrong.

Lucille

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 9, 1889

Dearest Journal,

I have finally set upon a project to occupy myself with. Since I was not able to give Ace a bridegroom gift prior to our marriage given the circumstances as they were, I have decided to give him something that he can have with him each day to remind him of myself. To this accord I have decided to embroider seven handcherifs for him, one for each day of the week. Each shall have our monogram entwined into the design and I shall try a new design for each. I shall, of course, stay clear of potions and wolves, given recent events. After all I wish these to bring a smile to his face not remind him of events he would rather be forgotten. Each design shall be some element of his, or rather our life. Here is what I have decided on so far.

I had thought to theme one on Appleby Arrows, our monograph will be amidst flying waffles, snitches, and brooms, with three goal posts behind. It shall only be in the bottom quarter of the handcherif as I would not like him to be ostracized for carrying such things. After all men do carry handcherifs but I do not know if they are often overly decorated? I do hope he will like this gift.

Another I had thought to do was a forest of pine trees, our initials shall be in the leaves, while amid the trucks there shall be a lady, modeled after myself, from her skirts shall be a blue pond, and in her lap a wolf will rest his head. I know that it is a risk, but I should like Ace to look upon it and remember my love for him when the tough days bare down upon him. The pond shall be to remind him of our honeymoon and the time beside the lake we shared.

Would it be silly to also embroider one of stockings? Like how I accidently asked his opinion on stockings the first time we met after school? I wonder if he even remembers that meeting? Would he even understand the reference? Perhaps I shall have to settle on something else, maybe a simple design of our initials? I could also do one of letters and owls to remind him of our 'courting'. I shall have to think on it more.

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!

October 12, 1889

Dearest Journal,

The most dreadful thing happened to me the other day. I could not write of it then because my heart beat in my chest something terrible and I found myself searching corners like a foolish child as if in their darkened depths a monster might leap at me.

I suppose I ought to admit to you my foolish actions. I had traveled to Diagon Alley with the purpose of visiting the House of Lytton to look for a new design of a gown, or two, rather less out of necessity than simply to occupy myself beyond the walls of the Lukeson House. During these travels I encountered a dragon.

I had never heard of a dragon on Diagon Alley, yes, I have heard the rumors that they guard the deepest depths of Gringotts Bank, but never had I heard of one on the street before. I admit I did not even question why such a creature would be in Diagon Alley, or why no one else might be panicking about such an occurrence. Instead I panicked. You, dearest journal, are quite aware of my fear of such creatures.

Much to my surprise Bella saw me and took pity upon such embarrassing actions. She assured me it was not real, but instead of listening, I fled. I must have been a foolish sight to see as I raced across Diagon Alley yelling that she must get away too. It was only when I had crossed to her and the creature and followed that I realized it was a boggart and not a dragon at all. It appears all my lessons in school have come to naught for such foolish actions to have taken place in such a place.

I fear it shall be some time before I have calmed my nerves and my anxieties before I might dare travel to Diagon Alley on my own again.

  

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Thank you MJ for an amazingly Lucy set!